A few nights ago,  I had rare pause to reflect... It was after a long day manning the Off-Road.com press booth during Contingency at the Laughlin Race, Andrew Buck had brought out one of his cars to show off in our display. He and I had just taken a high speed, balls out, warp factor eight romp down the highway and out through the dez. Our mission was me testing out his new Cadillac Northstar powered Buckshot X-5 Sand Car. At 100+ mph we throttled across the rough desert terrain. Within view of the Casino lights, we came to a stop on top of a bluff overlooking the entire Laughlin Strip and the Colorado River beyond. "Time for a break."

  As we cracked open a cool beverage and stretched our legs, we surveyed our domain, and life was good.

  Then like a ton of bricks, it hit me. "Damn I'm glad I don't live in California anymore..." I said.

   "As time passes, you forget the pain, "Buck chimed in, "you've been living in Vegas for a year and a half!"

   He's right, since bailing out of Southern California to come to Las Vegas, I'd forgotten how much California sucked. But, as we sat on that bluff, the warm Nevada winter sun setting behind us casting long shadows and an almost eery golden hue on the tall buildings below us. It all came upon me in a rush.

   Now in the evenings as I sit leisurely in my rockin' chair on the veranda, all I hear are dogs barking, the yelp of a coyote and the distant sound of a lone dirt bike grabbing 5th gear. Music to my ears. Gone are the endless sirens, police helicopters and blaring stereos. Now I'm able to roll open my garage door and ride my scoot to say, Reno.

   Or I can drive 15 minutes and be in the smack dab center of the hottest party spot on the planet.

   I started thinking about all the things I've missed out on since leaving California, like Feinstein, Boxer, Streisand, Fonda, Gray Davis, CARB, The State Board of Equalization, property taxes, housing costs, insurance rates, Mello-Roos, CDCA, State Income Taxes, Medi-Cal, illegal aliens, freeways, Sierra Club, tofu, fallafels, parking tickets, door dings, Berkley, Birkenstocks, Hollywood Liberals, anything or anyone near, from, around, resembling or going to San Francisco, trendy nuevelle art, food or people, little Jap cars with coffee can exhausts, The DMV, tag fees, Green Stickers, Red Stickers, rainbow stickers, PETA, ALF, Earth First, Fast Track Toll Roads, can't ride your dirt bikes anywhere cuz' you might smash a little bunny, O.J Simpson, Silicon Valley, brush fires, mud slides, no smoking anywhere but in your own home and they wanna illegalize that too, invasion robberies, gangs, car jacking, foreign drivers with religious shrines hanging from their mirrors, road rage, purple haired freaks on Santa Monica Blvd, The BLM, The USFS, veggie burgers, creeps with sewn on hair and Italian loafers driving Testarossas around and around, hoping to score on some bleached blonde, silicon injected Pamela Lee tree hugging, animal saving whacko, rolling blackouts, budget deficits, smog, assault weapon bans, gun control, can't do this, can't do that you might offend someone, regulated hell...

  Bite me.

  I'm taking Nevada, where the wild west still lives and you can hang a man in your front yard for stealing your horse. Where you can still carry a loaded gun in your car without a note from your mother. Your kids can ride their minis around the neighborhood without the cops coming and writing you 16 tickets for everything from child endangerment to noise abatement. In fact the kids they're riding with, one's dad is a cop, the other's a BLM Ranger...

   I could go on, but then you'd move here and spoil my fun. And if you are thinking of moving here, remember, there are two seasons here. Hot and REALLY FREAKIN' HOT! In the summer it get's to be 100 million degrees inside your car and windshields have been known to explode if you forget to crack your window. That oughta keep you away...

   So as we sit upon the top of that bluff over looking the bright lights of the Laughlin Strip, and the last drops of Milwaukee's Finest slide effortlessly down our parched throats, we smile, life is good. And Buck says, "well I don't have to head back to Orange County until Sunday, you sonuvabitch, let's  hitch up the buggy and ride down into town and play some cards..."

   Yup, life in Nevada sure is good...

Mr.Dune

The views and/or opinions expressed herein are not always the opinions of Off-Road.com or it's parent company Advanstar Communications, Inc.
(Although frequently, they are...)

E-mail Mr Dune at:  mrdune@off-road.com   for instructions on finding a life.

Please be sure to check out Off-Road.com's Land Use Section,
Written and produced by Brad Ulrich. And jam packed with information
on the latest shaft jobs our government and the Eco-Nazis are trying to pull on us!

Previous Columns

(Special Edition) Glamis Closure

Jan. 2001 Pismo Beach: Under Fire
Dec. 2000 Invasion Of The Ballot Snatchers
Nov. 2000 Gore Politics
Oct. 2000 Back To The Dez!
Sep. 2000 Traveling In Comfort
Aug. 2000 Isn't It Nice "Special People" Have A Place To Work
Jul. 2000 A Rosie By Any Other Name... Would Still Smell Like Crap
Jun. 2000 Ruling On The River..."Memorial Day Is More Than Just A Good Time"
May 2000 "It's a Jeep Thing... Who Would Want to Understand?"
Apr. 2000 "No Tunes In The Dunes?"
Mar. 2000 "Political Correctness vs. Off-Road.com"
Feb. 2000 "Crime And Punishment"
Jan. 2000 "Requiem For A Friend"
Dec.1999 "Santa Dune"
Nov. 1999 "Every Turkey Has It's Day"
Oct. 1999 "Disinformatzia"
Sep. 1999 "Return of the Living Dead"
April 1998 "Green Stickers and Sacramento Slickers"
March 1998 "Fees At Glamis"
Feb. 1998 "Greens At Glamis"
Jan. 1998 "New Years Resolutions"
Dec.1997 "The BLM" (Bureau of Lame Mismanagement)
Nov. 1997 "Chicks In The Desert"

Mr Dune's Table of Contents