The headline read "Man Spends 4,372 Days In
Tree To Save The Endangered Three-Toed Albino Pygmy
Chupacabra*." Now let's really think about this...
What kind of person would spend their
valuable time living in a tree stand to protect an animal no living
person has ever seen, probably never will, and quite possibly never
existed in the first place?
a) A moron
b) A fool
c) A fanatic
d) A person who has stopped taking their anti-psychotic meds
e) A person who has been fired from the DMV or Post Office for poor
productivity
f) All, some, most, or any of the above.
You win! F was the correct answer!
My Aunt Ruthann always said "Life's a
banquet and most poor sons of bitch's are starving to death!" Well
you're right she did steal that line from "Auntie Mame." But
it's true, life is short and I've got better things to do. Some
people just don't, and I'm damn glad they have a place to go. In a
galaxy far, far away, where they can't annoy me.
Now my partner in crime here at ORC,
Norm "Being Green" Lenhart takes an entirely different
stance on these most extreme of the Eco-Nazis. He wants to
exterminate them, or at least send them to a Solzhenitsynesque
Gulag to sew mittens for the army until they are successfully
"reindoctrinated."
But me? I like 'em, I like 'em fine,
just fine.
Now how could a guy that has the San
Diego Tribune headline reading "Clinton Impeached" framed and
hanging in his entry way to ward off liberal spirits, possibly like
morons that chain themselves to trees for years? Not only do I like
them, I encourage them!
Just think, if those people didn't have
a place to go to work and feel "productive." They would all be
living on our streets. Babbling incoherently and exhibiting
extremely disturbing behaviors. Not to mention doing unusual things
with family pets, whom have had the misfortune of luck to have
escaped the back yard. Only to encounter "Walter," who it seems has
been off his Thorazine scrip for a few years, and follows the beat
of a, shall we say, different drummer?
Walter, I think might like to be in a
tree stand for the next 10 or 20 years defending the three-toed
albino pygmy chupacabra, or whatever the endangered species of the
week is. After all the trees are filled with little squirrels to
play with. Sound like a plan, Walt?
Oh, and don't you rail against me for
hating homeless people. There but for the grace of God go you or I.
But c'mon... I don't want them living in the abandoned
refrigerators in my back yard listening to "the voices." And
neither do you.
So, ain't it nice they have a place to
go be productive? Chained to a tree, saving the world for future
generations:
- Keeps them off our streets
- Makes all liberals look like complete
asses
- Cut's down on the demands of two Eco-Nazi
mainstays, Toyota Landcruisers that get 9 mpg and giant redwood
decks over looking SFO Bay
- Means more resources for me to
consume
- Prevents them from actually doing something
that might be effective
- Keeps government costs for medication,
hospitalization and police intervention to a minimum
- Provides for some very entertaining news
copy
- They can't go "UnaBomber," on us and hurt
innocent people:
I just don't see a downside! In fact
I'll go one step further...
I think that the single most effective
way to get the liberal agenda advanced is for every man woman and
child that belongs to the Sierra Club, Greenpeace, Earth First and
any other Eco-Nazi group. To run, yes run! Do NOT walk (and
do not drive your gas guzzling SUV you got to drive to Yosemite to
spend "quality" weekends with your three over consuming snot nosed
brats) to the nearest national forest and chain themselves to a
tree. A really big old growth tree, waaayyyy out in their precious
"wilderness."
And remain there, for time in
perpetuity. Until all industrial and agricultural activity on our
precious Mother Earth is brought to a grinding...
screeching... tumultuous halt.
Myself I have important duties to attend
to here. A new cat to pet, a dog to throw a stick for, my LT needs
a fresh top end and I've just washed my hair.. Frankly, I'm too
damn busy to go off tilting at windmills with psychotics
today...
I'll leave saving the world in their
capable hands.
Vote Bush in 2000!
Mr.Dune
*chupacabra
- chu*pa*ca*bra (noun) [From Spanish, noun, chu*pa (to suck)
and ca*bra (goat)]
First appeared 1624
1) a: goatsucker.
b: A nocturnal blood sucking demon that resides in the
jungles of the West Indies and South Florida. Sleeping by day, it
roams at night looking to feed on the blood of small livestock,
house pets, and the feeble.
2) A
Democrat.
3) Monica
Lewinski
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