Here we go my fellow
Dunatics! The biggest weekend of the year is fast approaching...
Most of you are out there burning the midnight oil, frantically
running errands, chasing down that last part and polishing your
beloved machines to an eye dazzling shine. Mom is scrubbing,
cleaning and stocking the RV with untold delicious bebidas y
comidas for the trip. Getting ready for the pilgrimage to Mecca,
perhaps even Nirvana...Glamis, California!
For those of you readers that have never been,
it is the biggest off road party on the planet. There is nothing
that compares, anywhere. A throng of as many as 200,000 off roaders
will swell the many destinations in the Imperial Dunes this year.
Buttercup Valley, Gordons Well, Mammoth Wash, Gecko Road and
Glamis. Making the Imperial Sand Dunes National Recreation Area not
only the most visited OHV park in the world, but the most visited
National Recreation Area in the country of any type, period.
The action is intense,
dangerous, loud and sheer motorized insanity. Calling to mind the
display Humungous performed outside the refinery fortress in "Road
Warrior" would be a gross understatement. Thanksgiving at Glamis is
pure mayhem, and defines the word "extreme". The beer, the whiskey
and the racing fuel will flow at a pace that defies imagination.
The trickest off road vehicles on the planet will fill the dunes.
Machines that have taken hundreds, even thousands of of hours to
execute as well as... you guessed it... TURKEYS! You know how much I love quoting those guys
at Websters! tur*key (noun), plural turkeys
First appeared 1555 2 : FAILURE,
FLOP; especially : a theatrical production that has failed4 : a stupid, foolish, or inept person
This is Turkey Day! And the dune's will be
full of 'em, big ones, little ones, old ones, young ones and even
ones with big succulent breasts dripping in gravy. They're easy to
spot, they usually are drunk, have no helmet , no goggles, no
lights, no gloves and are riding wheelies through your camp. It is
acceptable to shoot them. I have just been advised by the BLM that
Turkey season this year will carry no limits on the hunt, and no
fees, licenses or tags will be required. It's open season!
Now, I'm no prude, and I ain't gonna tell ya
not to do anything stupid or dangerous. I'll be drunker and louder
than most of you. But if you're a Turkey, you should be shot.
God created the desert so we could all have a place to go to behave
like complete and total assholes without fear of reprisal, and he
created campgrounds so we could have a place to rest and not choke
on the dust from other revelers. The dunes are gonna be packed,
let's all show some courtesy. It's the duty of the more experienced
duners to lead by example. Yeild to slower and less skilled riders,
and pick up your God damned trash! Get drunk, howl at the moon,
violate the laws of physics and risk your own ass. But don't risk
the safety of others. Alot of us are going to get hurt Thanksgiving
Weekend, many seriously, and some of us will even be killed. This
is a risk we accept., glady. But we accept alone. It's our right to
kill ourselves, not to kill or injure others. The risk is what
makes our sport the incredible rush that it is. Embrace it,
challenge it, drink it in and enjoy adrenaline for the potent drug
it is. But as with any drug, respect it!
The mind controling liberal elitists will be
watching (read last months article if you haven't). They are going
to count the dead, the maimed and the crippled, and hold us
accountable. Basically, screw them. But keep in mind we are setting
an example. This is the highest profile event in off roading next
to the Baja 1000. The eyes of the world are upon us. In a way we
are all ambassadors for our sport. Be an asshole, you've earned it,
but don't be a Turkey!
If you see a Turkey, do your part! Get out
your gun, shoot their ass, pluck 'em, stuff 'em, take their cleaned
and gutted carcass back to the RV. Bake them in the oven 20 minutes
per pound at 350 degrees, basting with Golden Spectro liberally
until done. Serve them up and feast away!
Have a happy Thanksgiving! Ride hard, ride safe
and we'll see you at Boardmanville so you can buy me a beer!
Mr.Dune
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