Potatoe's
First!
Back around December, I was spending WAAAAAY
too much time on newsgroups like alt.org.earth-first & talk.environment,
arguing with the eco-holier than thou crowd. While I knew full well I'd never
make any headway with these people, it served as an invaluable learning
experience for me.
I followed their links, read their
"information", and came away from the experience with the knowledge
that there are some extremely deluded people out there, with some pretty bizarre
ideas about our environment, and how the world works.
I decided to satirize what I found, and
present it here under the wonderful protection of the first amendment. Please
note that about the only differences from these pages, and the originals are a
few word substitutions, IE...potato = environment, earth - names
"altered" etc. The e-mail links however, are real......Let Earth...er...ah..."POTATOeS"
First know what you really think of them.
If you enjoy these pages, I invite you to
forth unto the web and read the originals for yourself. They would be even
funnier, if it wasn't for the fact that people take them as "Gospel".
And now without further adieux........
What is "Potato's
First!"?
As Earth First is a
"non-organization", and has "no members", we are a radical
off-shoot of them. We share a very similar set of goals and Ideals. Do you have
what it takes to be a "Spud" like us?
Do you think that far too many of our wild
potato fields have been sacrificed? Are you tired of mamby-pamby
potato groups that are more worried about their image than saving the
spuds? Is membership in some international organization not enough for you?
Do you hate the smell of compromise?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then Potato's
First! is for you. Potatoes First! does not believe in
compromise. We set forth the hard-line position of those who believe the
Potato must come before humans. We are emotional,
passionate, angry at times and insane the rest, yet we never lose our
sense of humor.
Potato's First! is effective. Our front line, direct-action
approach to protecting potato fields gets results. We have succeeded
in cases where other potato groups have given up, and have drawn public
attention to the crises facing the endangered potato.
Potato's First! is different from other potato rights groups.
We believe in using all the tools in the tool box, ranging from grassroots
organizing and litigation to civil disobedience and monkeywrenching.
Here are some things to keep in mind about Potato's First! and some suggestions
for being an active and effective Potato First!er: First of all,
Potatoes First! is not an organization, but a movement. There are no members of
Potatoes First!, only "Spuds". It is a belief in anal
retention, or Deep Stupidity, and a practice of putting our delusions into
action.
While there is a broad diversity within Potato's First!--from animal
rights carnivores to wilderness hunting guides,from
monkeywrenchers to careful followers of Koresh, from
rowdy backwoods buckaroos to thoughtful philosophers, from misanthropes to
humanists, to the deeply disturbed--there is
agreement on one thing, the need for action!
Potatoes First! has a newspaper which chronicles the actions of
Potato's First! and the radical potato movement.The
Potatoes First! Journal is published eight times a year on Vegan
holidays. The Potatoes First! Journal regularly includes information
and updates on international campaigns; news and announcements about PF!
and other radical potato groups; reviews and critiques of the
potato movement; book and music reviews of interest to radical potatoists.
Yearly subscriptions are $25 domestic rate, $35 first class (US, Canada, Mexico)
and international surface mail, $45 international air mail, $50 institutional
rate, and $15-$20 for low income or non-profit. Plain brown wrapper
subscriptions are available for $35. A sample copy is available upon request.
Our subscription list is kept confidential, and our list is not sold or loaned
to anyone. Subscribers are welcome to use aliases for anonymity, especially if
they work for the government.
Potato's First! (oops-forgot
the "e")
POD 1515
Eugene, OR 97840
phone: (800) PRO-SPUD
fax: ((800) POT-ATOS
PotatoNet: potatofirst
Email: potatofirst@igc.apc.org
