George Reiswig (Me): Isuzu Amigo, 156 cubic inches of raw power!!!
Rick had selected a set of powerline roads near Mt. Hood as our target.
We met in the town of Sandy, then set out in beautiful Oregon weather for
our run. It was sunny and warm with no wind all day.
We found the entrance to the powerline roads, and were greeted with one
of Oregon's most common sights: a large, intimidating gate with a
"can't get to me" lock. "So, guys...what's plan B?"
After much hemming and hawing, we decided to head down to the old
Columbia River Highway, and then head up toward Larch Mountain, where Rick
had seen, but not explored, some trails on an earlier visit. On the way to
the trailhead, we stopped at a scenic overlook, where Rick assured us that
one of the rocks off in the distance was the second largest monolith in the
world! "Huh? What about El Cap and Devil's Tower?" "Okay,
it's the second largest BASALTIC monolith in the world." "Whatever
you say, Rick." "No, really, it's the second largest
something-or-other on the entire planet!!!" "Okeedokee,
Rick."
We left the overlook as dramatically impressed with Rick's geological and
historical knowledge as when we had arrived, and turned up Larch Mountain
Road. (AUTHORS NOTE: Rick later notified us of the following: "Ok, and
listen, just to prove no bullshit here: Beacon Rock (848'), is the largest
volcanic plug in the United States and the second largest in the world
behind the Rock of Gilbralter." SIC) Thanks, Rick.
Anyway, the first dirt road we got to forked, and one of the forks had a
sign that read (*** indicate holes caused by repeated and earnest gunfire),
"***Trespass**! ***will***rosecuted***" Despite our moral
obligation to obey the sign and trespass, we decided to head down a
different fork.
In spite of the sunshine, the dirt roads were all quite muddy...sections
of firm but slippery mud interspersed with deep puddles and their associated
goo. Good clean fun, in other words. With Bill in the lead in his CJ, the
rest of us followed. Deep ruts in the trail made steering unnecessary in
some sections, and other sections were narrow enough that the broader
vehicles had a bit of a challenge on their hands (and side mirrors). The
fact that everyone was still running at highway tire pressure didn't make it
any easier.
The first few puddles were pretty easy, and I was still in two-wheel
drive. Guy had a hard time in one puddle in front of me, and had to try
pretty hard just to get through it. I made it through in two-wheel drive
without much difficulty; it is pretty amazing what a difference tires can
make.
One section entailed a sharp right turn, while simultaneously dropping
over a large rock and avoiding a tree off to the side. Everyone made it,
with some slipping and sliding. (Everyone hummed the famous Paul Simon song
on the way down, I'm sure.) The downhill afterward was an exercise in
restraint, as everyone kept locking their wheels up while attempting to slow
down. (Isn't it a strange feeling to be going *faster* when the wheels are
locked than when they're not?) At the bottom of the hill, comments were
heard stating hopes that we wouldn't have to go back *up* what we had just
come down.
Sometime later, the convoy stopped. Exuent all drivers vehicle left, and
Bill probed a big puddle with a long stick. "Looks deep" he
commented. Yes it did. He'd probed the far end of the puddle, and it looked
to be a couple of feet deep there, at what was apparently the deepest part.
Bill decided on his route, and Rick and I chose to watch from high ground
near the elbow in the middle of the road/puddle. As soon as his tires hit
water, it became apparent that the *start* of the puddle was deceptively
deep. In went the bumper, and the water came up to near the top of his
tires. Rick and I had fun dodging (unsuccessfully) the compression wave
which preceded him, and watched as Bill barely made the turn and...
Stopped. (Imagine the sounds here of gratuitous tire spin, much mud
flinging, and no progress.) Bill waded out of his vehicle to look the
situation over, and quickly reached the inescapable conclusion that he was
stuck. I had already proven that my tires (BFG Mud Terrains) probably did
better than any of the others' did, and my limited-slip front and ARB rear
were added insurance, so I volunteered to try to get through and maneuver
around Bill to get him unstuck.
No problem. I really like my Amigo. The only hard part was trying to get out
and stay out of the ruts in the road, which I couldn't very well follow
since Bill was parked there. I didn't think I could drive over him, so the
plan was to go around. Like I said, no problem. Once I got my truck planted
on solid ground again, we hooked up the snap strap between the vehicles.
This was where those four cylinders of "RAW POWER" in my
Isuzu really shined! Okay, it only died once, and I didn't even have to slip
the clutch that much.
<-- MUD !!!!
Once Bill got through, it was Guy's turn. Sure enough, he made it 
almost as far as Bill, then got stuck. Out came the straps, and Bill pulled
him out. As Guy reached the end of the puddle, a loud, sharp noise was
heard. Wondering what broke, we saw that the strap had been pulled across
the Bronco's front bumper, bending it and exposing a sharp edge at the same
time. Since sharp edges and snap straps don't mix, nix one snap strap.
Lesson learned.
Rick goes through the pit next, and decides on the momentum approach. The
result is a tidal bore across the puddle which rivals that of Nova Scotia in
size, and....
Stuck. So much for the shiny new yellow paint. If Bill's tire spin was
gratuitous, Rick's was "the Mother of all Tire Spins!" Animals and
humans alike ran for cover as the 400 cid engine forced the tires to spew
mud and water everywhere, while moving the truck back and forth over a
one-foot circuit. Trees were coated to their tops with mud, and at one
point, an entire flock of birds was shot out of the air by flying debris!
Maimed and killed birds littered the muddy ground! (Okay, maybe this is a
slight exaggeration.) Seriously, he coated his hood with the mud flung up
from his tires. This was a good stuck.
(Bronco pulls out Blazer using remaining, intact snap straps.)
After some litter cleanup, we explored around some more. We ended up
going back up the same road we had come down, albeit avoiding the big
puddle. Remember that hill that everyone was complaining about? Well...
"I'm not going to try it." "You gonna try it?" et
cetera
"I wanna try it." So, I climb into my Amigo, and set out. I
like the finesse approach, which is all my engine can handle anyway, so off
I went, slowly. I made it all the way up the hill without spinning a wheel,
then got to that big rock in the middle. The truck wouldn't go over it.
Spinning the wheels didn't help, the ARB didn't help, and neither did
praying. So, to prove a point mostly to myself, I hopped out and aired the
tires down to 17 psi from their previous 30 psi. Backed up a little, moved
forward, and I was over. I did have to engage the ARB, though.
Bill decided to give it a go in the CJ. "Take my picture when I get
up here." Okay, Bill. I planned to stand exactly where Bill had, right
in the middle of the trail near the rock, so that I could catch that part of
the action as he crawled gracefully up and over the obstacle. Bill seems to
have the power:weight ratio of an F-15, and favored the approach you might
expect. Bill's approach left me with an extremely limited amount of time to
a) realize he's on the way up, heralded by the roar of his engine, b) jump
around to get out of his way, c) take a picture, and d) jump down, turn
around, pick a bale of cotton. Needless to say, I forgot about the camera
he'd left me as I danced around like a barefooted hairdresser on hot
pavement in an attempt to get out of his way. He made it up and over,
although how he made it would probably require a detailed physics analysis
and slow-motion playback.
We left the Columbia Gorge with some great memories, good friends, excess
pounds from the mud on the trucks, and a lot of litter we picked up and
bagged on the trails. Oh, and some pictures, which Rick Anderson has
graciously made available. Ciao!
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