Subject Body From: (Name) From: (Address) From: (Type) To: (Name) To: (Address) To: (Type) CC: (Name) CC: (Address) CC: (Type) BCC: (Name) BCC: (Address) BCC: (Type) Billing Information Categories Importance Mileage Sensitivity its me "Hi sweet, I came across an old email correspondence with you and realized how much I miss writing to you and having you write to me. I know some days you may be busy at work, but I think it would be nice to try to have some regular correspondence. It strikes me that I don't really know how you're doing, what you're feeling lately. I'd like to know. How are you feeling about you, me, us, work, vacations, staying at home, friends, family? I am not looking forward to Rich's visit as much as I should. Its hard to stay connected to people you don't see much. I am not really sure what to do while he's here, except take him to the City like he requested. That's one day down... 2 to go. I had a nice long talk with Mellie yesterday after I got back from the airport. I miss her so much. Yes, she can drive me crazy, in a way, but its just a strain to have to fit a lifetime of friendship into a few days or one week a year. I have noticed a bit of negativity on my part on certain things that just aren't important and I'm trying to keep myself from being petty. Its just not a big deal if she wants to be helpful, cheerful, or worried. She's just Mellie and those things make her perfectly her. I called Betsy at CSI today and she just may have good possibilities. I did really like all of them there. They miss you. I think I have decided I'm definitely not ready to pursue a permanent position. I can't really get excited about working- especially not the prospect of convincing someone that I want to work there forever/few years. I am open to contract to perm, but it at least gives me that confortable feeling that I could leave without guilt if I'm not happy. It must seem strange that contracting gives me a feeling of security, but what the heck. I have different needs than most people. I'm sure I will be happy working when I get a position- since I'll be meeting new people, and be busy again. I need some sort of kick start anyway- its like I've been moving in slow motion the last couple of weeks. I realize its noticable, so I apologize if this has bugged you at all. I know its just temporary because of transition. I've always hated the actual transitioning part. change is good, except when you're right in the middle of it. You know, it might seem like overkill, but there's a lot of things I'd like to apologize for- some aren't a big deal, but I just appreciate that you've put up with it and not made it a big deal either: Sorry the house hasn't been too clean and I haven't been cooking as much as I was when I first started my time off. Its really not my nature to be too domestic, but I know I can do better than this. Sorry I've been psycho, gung-ho about gardening. It keeps my mind occupied with things I feel I can control, unlike job-hunting, photography selling, social planning, etc. Sorry I haven't put much effort into the four-wheeling photography angle. I'm just feeling both overwhelmed and under optimistic. If nothing else, I really do want to get samples ready for Steve, Dan, and Wayne for this weekend. And I don't mean to put you in the middle for communications with people. Its just that working with George has been frustrating, and I don't know Steve at all. I'm not really sure what Steve is expecting, I may have misunderstood you when you first told me about pictures for Calmini. I'm not sure where to go from here. If you can, maybe we can talk about it, but you don't have to if you'd rather not. I am looking forward to our trip down south to hang with the guys. Are we camping? I'd like to camp more this summer if you're up to it. I miss hiking in the mountains with you and Goz. I love you, Randy, and I want to be even closer to you and hope you want to be closer to me. Write back soon, Kammy " kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX Normal Re: its me "> .realized how much I miss writing to you and having you write to me. Ditto, my love. > It strikes me that I don't really know how you're doing, > what you're feeling lately. Thanks for asking. I may not always feel like answering, I hope that's OK. > I'd like to know. How are you feeling about you, Fairly confident, feeling pretty well, actually. Wish I had more time, and more energy. > me, us I feel pretty good about you, and us. I think we're communicating pretty well, and I like that we're being demonstrative again after a dry spell. I do want to spend more time playing with you, though, more than just hanging out in the same house. > work, Work is good enough, but not inspiring. The Programmer's Reference Manual is a pretty crappy project, but it is very steady work. I wish I could be paid the same for exciting stuff. > vacations, I'd like to take more. I really loved our sabbatical, and I want to figure out how we can do another soon, maybe not a full two munths, but at least two weeks. > friends, Wish I had more of them, sorry that so many of them live so far away. Reina is a cool potential close-town friend, but that friendship is limited by Jill's tight control over her time. > family? Not much to say there. That relationship right now is as good as I want it to be, as close as I need it to be. That isn't very close to me, but that's completely OK. > Its hard to stay connected to people you don't see much. My bet is that when he gets in, you'll drop right into the old groove. That seems to be the nature of things with old close friends, no matter how differently people grow. > I had a nice long talk with Mellie yesterday Good. I miss her. > Yes, she can drive me crazy, in a way, but its just a strain > to have to fit a lifetime of friendship into a few days or one > week a year. I have noticed a bit of negativity on my part on > certain things that just aren't important and I'm trying to keep > myself from being petty. I know and understand. Its OK to vent to me, because I get frustrated about the same things... but I always remember what great people Paul and Mel are. > I called Betsy at CSI today and she just may have good > possibilities. I did really like all of them there. > They miss you. I liked them, and miss gently harassing them, too. Good folks. > I think I have decided I'm definitely not ready to pursue > a permanent position. Makes sense, and that's completely OK with me, as if you ndeeded my blessing. > I'm sure I will be happy working when I get a position- > since I'll be meeting new people, and be busy again. I hoep so. I can tell that you're kind of dirfting right now, and a little frustrated as a result of that. > I realize its noticable, so I apologize if this has > bugged you at all. It only bugs me when you complain about having too little time - I get so jealous of you that its hard to be reminded quite like that. > You know, it might seem like overkill, but there's a lot > of things I'd like to apologize for- some aren't a big deal, Thanks - it makes me feel good to know that you noticed them and my lack of reaction. Some of these things, frankly, are no big deal. Others are more of a cumulative annoyance. And the big ones? Well, I find a way to talk to you about them, and I promise I will continue to do that. > Sorry the house hasn't been too clean That's non-critical - and I can always get off my own duff and do some of that. > and I haven't been cooking as much Again, not a big deal, although we probably have been spending too much eating out. C'est la vie. > Sorry I've been psycho, gung-ho about gardening. That's OK - it is constructive and I know you needed something to be on top of, more than photography. > Sorry I haven't put much effort into the four-wheeling > photography angle. That's not a huge deal, I just wonder if that's indicative of a waning enthusiasm for the larger business of photography. I want to see you succeed in that business, if that's what you still want, but it is a competetive and frustratingly low-paying field, so I can understand your frustration. If you are sure that this is what you want, though, I want to leverage all my resources (including my hobby) to offer you the best oportunity to elicit success. No, I'll cop to wanting to be able to deduct my lifestyle, but we're a ways away from that, aren't we? > I really do want to get samples ready for Steve, Dan, and > Wayne for this weekend. I think we can almost go with the same slideshow we took to Portland, minus the George and Fed pics. Lets talk on this. > Its just that working with George has been frustrating, For me, too, its so hard keeping him on a business track. > I'm not really sure what Steve is expecting, Yeah, we should talk about it. I'm not sure what he's expecting either, I think we should just present the same slideshow as we'll do Saturday night in camp, and maybe just speed through, pausing a little longer at CALMINI-equipped rigs. > Are we camping? Yep - Saturday night. > I'd like to camp more this summer if you're up to it. > I miss hiking in the mountains with you and Goz. I'd like this, too. Maybe drive up and establish a base, then hike out and around with Goz, if the little wimp (though I do worry about his paws) can straggle behind is. > I love you, Randy, and I want to be even closer to you Ditto. I think these letters are an excellent idea to help us remember both of these things. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Re: its me "Continued... > > It strikes me that I don't really know how you're doing, > > what you're feeling lately. > Thanks for asking. I may not always feel like answering, I hope that's > OK. Its okay sometimes, I just hadn't asked in a long time and you hadn't told. It had just been too long and I can only guess so much. Eventually I either have no clue or at least feel I should check on the accuracy of my guesses. > I feel pretty good about you, and us. I think we're communicating pretty > well, and I like that we're being demonstrative again after a dry spell. > I do want to spend more time playing with you, though, more than just > hanging out in the same house. I do like the direction we're going, but sometimes feel like there's a lot to work on. Just talking more is helping though. Playing more would be nice. maybe some mini-golf, or some movies, or would you be into a G&S production? Or maybe we can bike down by the river. Just some simple things occasionally (once a week?) would be nice to try. > > work, > Work is good enough, but not inspiring. The Programmer's Reference > Manual is a pretty crappy project, but it is very steady work. I wish I > could be paid the same for exciting stuff. sigh. me too. > > vacations, > I'd like to take more. I really loved our sabbatical, and I want to > figure out how we can do another soon, maybe not a full two munths, but > at least two weeks. what about weekend trips? we used to do that so much and now it seems we don't at all. I'm looking forward to this weekend for that reason, but it would be even nicer to go somewhere closer, yet still feel far away. Plus, take some 2-3 day weekends ith friends like Mark and Paul& Mel. Sabbaticals, of course, are nice too and in my mind, I'm hoping we can take a trip to Mexico (maybe drive baja) some time in the next year or two. > > friends, > Wish I had more of them, sorry that so many of them live so far away. > Reina is a cool potential close-town friend, but that friendship is > limited by Jill's tight control over her time. I know it can be frustrating to want more out of a friendship than the other person is able or willing to put in, so I hope you don't end up feeling (more) hurt over this. I have to say that it worries me when you don't socialize since I've always considered you a pretty social person, so I am glad that you are talking to more people like Dave Mills, Reina, and Doug. > > Its hard to stay connected to people you don't see much. > My bet is that when he gets in, you'll drop right into the old groove. > That seems to be the nature of things with old close friends, no matter > how differently people grow. usually, but not always, like with Steve. With Rich, it only worries me because our commonalities were always other friends and now neither of us really knows the other's friends. I'm not sure if that makes sense, but it was always me and Rich- taking care of John, or me and Rich- worrying about Steve... Now me and Rich only have each other to worry about and its just not the same. > > I think I have decided I'm definitely not ready to pursue > > a permanent position. > Makes sense, and that's completely OK with me, as if you ndeeded my > blessing. well, I do, really because it all affects you. Like, I was considering some consulting jobs that required heavy travel. But I don't know how you'd feel. I know it would get old and seeing each other only on weekends would be kind of hard, but I have to admit that the consulting lifestyle somewhat appeals to me and so does the pay. I couldn't do it long, but maybe a year or so. > > I'm sure I will be happy working when I get a position- > > since I'll be meeting new people, and be busy again. > I hoep so. I can tell that you're kind of dirfting right now, and a > little frustrated as a result of that. changing focus sometimes causes me to lose focus. > > I realize its noticable, so I apologize if this has > > bugged you at all. > It only bugs me when you complain about having too little time - I get > so jealous of you that its hard to be reminded quite like that. I'm sorry, I will try not to take it for granted or say things that could be construed as complaining. I really am thankful that I've had this option and hopefully we can be in a situation where you can have the option sometime soon. > > and I haven't been cooking as much > Again, not a big deal, although we probably have been spending too much > eating out. C'est la vie. yes, I am trying to be sensitive about money, especially until I'm paid, but even after that. I'd like to try to be thrifty so we can reduce our credit card debt faster. After I know how much I'll be paid (and when), I'll give you an estimate on when I think this will happen. > > Sorry I've been psycho, gung-ho about gardening. > That's OK - it is constructive and I know you needed something to be on > top of, more than photography. thanks. there's even more to it, I can see lots of reasons why, but mostly it helps me feel productive. > > Sorry I haven't put much effort into the four-wheeling > > photography angle. > That's not a huge deal, I just wonder if that's indicative of a waning > enthusiasm for the larger business of photography. I want to see you > succeed in that business, if that's what you still want, but it is a > competetive and frustratingly low-paying field, so I can understand your Its definitely still what I want, it justs feels like I have to let it go to be 'computer super-human' again. And it does get frustrating when I have a hard time making progress, but I will ramp up again when I get through the current step of organizing and categorizing the darn photos. It has been such a huge step, and I am looking forward the steps getting smaller, like labeling, submitting one client at a time, categorizing only the shots I just took. I don't mind that its low-paying. My first goal is only to be able to right it off legitimately, then make more and more until I can finally feel like it could be my real job. I'm not expecting to make much ever. I hope that's okay. > frustration. If you are sure that this is what you want, though, I want > to leverage all my resources (including my hobby) to offer you the best > oportunity to elicit success. No, I'll cop to wanting to be able to > deduct my lifestyle, but we're a ways away from that, aren't we? yeah, I think its a long way off, especially since its still not what I want to focus on, just something I'm trying since I'm there anyway. I hope that's not a surprise to you. > > I really do want to get samples ready for Steve, Dan, and > > Wayne for this weekend. > I think we can almost go with the same slideshow we took to Portland, > minus the George and Fed pics. Lets talk on this. no, I want to take pictures of them specifically, in case they want prints. We can take the other ones too, though. > > I'm not really sure what Steve is expecting, > Yeah, we should talk about it. I'm not sure what he's expecting either, > I think we should just present the same slideshow as we'll do Saturday > night in camp, and maybe just speed through, pausing a little longer at > CALMINI-equipped rigs. okay, whenever you feel like talking is okay. > > I'd like to camp more this summer if you're up to it. > > I miss hiking in the mountains with you and Goz. > I'd like this, too. Maybe drive up and establish a base, then hike out > and around with Goz, if the little wimp (though I do worry about his > paws) can straggle behind is. yeah, I think we should do a thorough check or even take him in for a regular check up. He lost 15 lbs since Maui(he was 129 this morning), but he doesn't look any smaller to me. I still can't feel his ribs. I know its kind of hot, but he seems a lot more labored than I remember from last year, etc. Maybe I'm just paranoid, and maybe just taking him will reassure me that he can handle it. Love you... " kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX Normal Re: its me "> > Eventually I either have no clue or at least feel I should > > check on the accuracy of my guesses. > That's cool. Ask any time, I appreciate that you care. I always care. I want you to be happy. Plus, your moods and feelings are bound to affect me in some way, so it really matters. > > I do like the direction we're going, but sometimes feel like > > there's a lot to work on. > Yup, but remember that we have a lifetime in which to do the work. but it would be nicer to be able to reap the benefits of all the work for a lifetime, wouldn't it? > > Just some simple things occasionally (once a week?) would > > be nice to try. > I'm game. I like that we've been doing something big at least once a > weekend this summer. Do you want to add a commitment for one weeknight a > week> Mini golf would be fine, or just a trip to the driving range, as > would be movies, or G&S. I honestly like spending time with you, > remember? That would be cool- an evening out once a week or every other week if turns out to be too much. Pirates of Penzance is playing in Fair Oaks now, I've never seen it. Plus Music Circus' season has started. I like being mellow listening to music, even if its just at a cafe or something. All those things sound cool, so I will check options for next week sometime. > > what about weekend trips? we used to do that so much > Did we? Like to where? We've definitely been letting our WorldMark bonus > time go to waste. yeah, we did before our sabbatical- we used our bonus time in Tahoe and Yosemite, we went to Calistoga, we went camping up at Wright's Lake and 4th of July lake, we were crewing in the bay. Maybe a lot of it was because we had visitors, but a lot of it we did on our own. So I'd like to try to do that more. I know we can't every weekend (and I don't want to) since we not high on the hog right now, but I think at least once a month we can manage an entire weekend outing. Maybe Joy & Bart would like to go to Tahoe with us, or camping with Mike & Maribelle, or maybe a room and a show in Reno just by ourselves. > > Plus, take some 2-3 day weekends ith friends like Mark > > and Paul&Mel. > Let's start planning something with P&M for October. We were kind of already planning on Thanksgiving in November- is that okay? Then we all have extra time without taking off extra time. I know the airfare will be more, but consider it amortized over more days with them. > > I'm hoping we can take a trip to Mexico (maybe drive > > baja) some time in the next year or two. > I'd be totally into that. Lets aim for next year, but keep flexible and > see what contracting will bring each of us. That's fine- I always know the job and money situation can change, so I'd rather wait to plan anything. I want to avoid planning most things as far out as we did Hawaii. Big trips with Mel, Paul, Mark, and Michael can maybe be an exception sometimes. > > I have to say that it worries me when you don't socialize since > > I've always considered you a pretty social person, so I am glad > > that you are talking to more people like Dave Mills, Reina, and Doug. > I do enjoy being social, but it has to be on my own terms. Thus, its > tough to make time to go hang with Joy and Bart way up in Roseville on a > weeknight. They are willing to come down here, especially for dollar movies, if you ask. Its not the most convenient friendship, I know, but its the best one I have right now, so its worth it to me. I don't expect you to be ON socially just because I am. Whatever works for you. > > Like, I was considering some consulting jobs that required > > heavy travel. > I think I'd be OK with that for up to a year, as long as the end was > clearly in sight. I'd miss you, but that would certainly make for some > excellent weekends! And the dollars are definitely attractive. well, I'll look into a couple and see what kind of deals they have. I'd have to be able to see you almost every weekend, I think, and sometimes they don't like that. > > changing focus sometimes causes me to lose focus. > Well, if it makes you feel better, I haven't felt focused in years. > You're not alone. hmm, you have at least seemed pretty focused to me. More than when we met, at least. Being focused sometimes gets boring anyway. :-) > > hopefully we can be in a situation where you can have > > the option sometime soon. > You know what the rotten truth is? I wouldn't like myself much if I > wasn't working, or didn't have work scheduled in a certain amount of > time. I love the time freedom, but I hate being unemployed. yeah- you and Paul. Sorry to say that it doesn't make sense to me, but I understand where the feeling comes from. Just promise me that if we win the lottery that you will take *some* time off to play with me. > > After I know how much I'll be paid (and when), I'll give > > you an estimate on when I think this will happen. > Sounds good. We'll re-evaluate plans and dollars when that happens, I'd > like to be involved. that would be good. I'll try to include you especially when we change plans. > > Its definitely still what I want, it justs feels like I > > have to let it go to be 'computer super-human' again. > I really think an hour a night weeknights can maintain the business, > with weekend photo shoots. Priorities and time management will make this > trick. well, probably more like one or two nights a week. I have a hard time doing anything for just an hour. After I get a job and get comfortable, I will be able to maintain a regular schedule. I am confident I will be able to keep the ball rolling, even if its rolling slowly sometimes. > > I'm not expecting to make much ever. I hope > > that's okay. > Hopefully that pertains mostly to photography. I think we need to make > some good money now and salt it aways for the future. yes, I just meant in photography, but I still hope that someday that's all I have to do and I can give up this double life. I know it will be a long time off though and hope I can make big bucks being technical for now. > > yeah, I think we should do a thorough check or even take > > him in for a regular check up. > Lets definitely take him in for a checkup - that weight loss almost > worries me. He has been getting more exercise - he sure got a lot at > `camp' but that's a lot of weight to lose. Yep, it worried me too. Plus I just can't see a difference. I even went to another scale (first used the one at the vet's, then went to Petsmart) for a second weighing. I made an appointment with Dr. Denny tomorrow. I will ask him how much he thinks he should weight, see if we should get a thyroid check, and ask him about his activity issues. I'm going to attempt to cut his nails again, since I think they are still way too long and think maybe that might be contributing to his activity problem if its uncomfortable. anything else you want asked or checked? I went to Joy's for lunch today. I definitely like hanging out with her. She offered me two pieces of art (both female nudes), but I didn't really like the style. It was actually computer generated or some kind of computer-manipulated photo printed. Not really what I was expecting, but it was cool of her to offer. Bart goes to OK in a couple of weeks, so I will have to remember she might be looking for company then. Maybe I can do a girl's night out with her if you're busy. Love you, Kammy " kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX Normal Re: its me "< in the next few days, you should go to Vic's Nasty Secret and buy > something fun, new, and sexy, as well as any underthings you need. One > can never have too much lingerie with which to seduce one's husband. thanks, I could use some new stuff, though I'm not sure I will have a chance this week... > Of course, you'd also look pretty good just naked, smeared in chocolate > sauce. note to self... buy chocolate sauce... > > Pirates of Penzance is playing in Fair Oaks now, I've never > > seen it. > Cool. I'd love to go see it. I will check the schedule and see if we can get tickets. > > Plus Music Circus' season has started. > What's Music Circus? Music Circus is a season of different musicals(changing weekly) that they perform in the summer in a tent theater somewhere downtown. This summer they are playing The Pajama Game, Cabaret, Joseph & the amazing technicolor dreamcoat, Brigadoon, and South Pacific. Actually, I looked it up and the season doesn't start for a couple of weeks still. I guess its very popular and I love musicals. > > I like being mellow listening to music, even if its just at > > a cafe or something. > That would be cool, like at a coffee house? yeah- I'm sure we can find somewhere pretty close even, if we check into it. they might even be doing something like this in Fair Oaks village. > I'm game to get back into weekend tripping. Wanna make a brainstorm list > over dinner some night soon? that sounds like fun. we can do it tonight, or wait until after this weekend. > > We were kind of already planning on Thanksgiving in November- > > is that okay? > I was thinking about going `wheeling that weekend. I'd much rather don > P&M another weekend, but I guess I can be flexible on that, since I'm > not going back to MI this Xmas and won't see them then. Perhaps I can > `wheel downstate over Xmas. Remind me to ask Steve Gardiner what he's > doing then. hm.. really? Did you have something specific in mind, or it just sounds like fun? We should check Mel & Pauls schedule, but I really would like to spend more than a regular weekend with them since I doubt I'll get to see them at Xmas either. I guess check your options and see what the possibilities are. > Speaking of cheap, we need to get reservations for our Seattle trip. doh! we forgot to call Mark last night. If I remember, I'll email him AND we should try again tonight. > > They are willing to come down here, especially for dollar > > movies, if you ask. > That would be cool - dinner at our place and then a cheap flick. yep, there's a couple I'd see too- I think the Big Hit looks good for a dollar flick. > > Its not the most convenient friendship, I know, but its > > the best one I have right now, so its worth it to me. > Me too, but I'm not likely to want to go up there on a weeknight all > night soon. ok, no problem, for a while at least. We really should think about having a barbeque one weekend soon, though. > > hmm, you have at least seemed pretty focused to me. > Appearances can be deceiving. I'm happier now than I was when we met, > much thanks to you, but I feel the same lack of direction. I'm also > being paid much better despite my lack of direction, and that helps ease > the discomfort of a job I don't particularly dig. Being paid well sometimes makes it harder to consider other options though. If you aren't enjoying it as much as you think you should, it would be good to start playing around with different ideas on what might make you happier. I know its definitely hard... no rush though- its another one of those things where you have a whole lifetime to figure it out. > > I made an appointment with Dr. Denny tomorrow. > Ask also about his pads, which are kinda rough and might be paining him. I asked, he didn't seem to find anything unusual (one foxtail), so just thinks we should try to keep them cleaner (its amazing how often I find burrs on him). He thinks his weight, fur thickness, and color are contributing to him seeming a little less enthusiastic about exercising. He suggested hosing him down maybe. We did get a thyroid check and Denny thinks 15 more pounds would be good. I will talk to you more about the diet, etc. in person... too much for here. > > I went to Joy's for lunch today. I definitely like hanging > > out with her. > I like her, too. Dunno how pregnancy will affect that. don't know, just trying to enjoy it while I can. > I really like that you guys are friends - it is good to have multiple > support systems, for both of you. yeah, it would be nice if I thought it would last through child rearing, but that's okay- maybe I can expect only so many Mel's in my life. " kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX Normal Re[2]: its me "I'm quite sure I responded to this, but since I can't find any outgoing mail to prove it, here's another response... > > in the next few days, you should go to Vic's Secret > thanks, I could use some new stuff, though I'm not sure I > will have a chance this week... You should make time for this, my love. > note to self... buy chocolate sauce... Add whipped cream to that list, too. ;P > I will check the schedule and see if we can get tickets. Any more info on Pirates? > I guess its very popular and I love musicals. I could go for that, but it would have to be late evening. I hate having to rosh out for something as soon as I get home. Bart leaves for Oklahoma this weekend, so we should try to synch up with B&J for a cheap flick for Wednesday or Thursday night. We still need to brainstorm our planned weekend trips - lets take some paper with us next time we go to a restaurant and work on that. I like thinking of cool places to go with you. > We should check Mel & Pauls schedule, Yeah, let's for sure schedule them for Thanksgiving, and maybe even call soon to verify that (and remind Mellie about Hawaii pictures) Did you have a chance to check reservations for Seattle yet? I'm looking forward to visiting Seattle and seeing Mark. I've never been to Seattle before -- should be quite cool. > We really should think about having a barbeque one > weekend soon, though. Cool with me, but not the weekend of the 26th. Maybe we should just plan for early August? Love you, (but its CRAZY here!) Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Re: its me "-----Original Message----- From: Burleson, RandyX D To: ""Kammy Burleson"" Date: Tuesday, July 07, 1998 3:13 PM Subject: RE: its me >> I will check the schedule and see if we can get tickets. >Any more info on Pirates? its every Friday, Sat, and Sunday at 8:30 p.m. for the next 4 weekends. I called, but they don't have ticket info- just where to get them (box office opens at 7:30 the night of the show). Maybe we can just try to go this Friday and get tickets last minute. There's probably seats. >> I guess its very popular and I love musicals. >I could go for that, but it would have to be late evening. I hate having to >rush out for something as soon as I get home. I thought the point was to go out on a weeknight, but if you want to do this on a weekend we'll have to get tickets early. I'm sure weekend tickets are harder to get. The shows are at 8pm on weeknights, so I'm not sure if that's considered rushing. Let me know, I can go with other people if you'd prefer. >Bart leaves for Oklahoma this weekend, so we should try to synch up with B&J >for a cheap flick for Wednesday or Thursday night. Thanks for hanging out at the lake. I like doing things with our dog and doing things with Joy & Bart. I'm sorry you were tired, but I really hope you don't actually think that when I asked if you were going to sleep on the rock, and not be social, that I don't think you *deserve* to rest. I never know how to respond when you say things like that. You deserve to be able to do whatever you want after work, I just had thought you had chose to be social. >We still need to brainstorm our planned weekend trips - lets take some paper >with us next time we go to a restaurant and work on that. I like thinking of >cool places to go with you. ok, next time we are both in good moods and not too tired. I will try to remember to put paper in the car. >> We should check Mel & Pauls schedule, >Yeah, let's for sure schedule them for Thanksgiving, and maybe even call >soon to verify that (and remind Mellie about Hawaii pictures) so, you want to wait on airfare, though, right? we can call Mellie sometime when you're here too, since you haven't talked to her in a while. I am also planning on sending her some things next week. >Did you have a chance to check reservations for Seattle yet? I'm looking >forward to visiting Seattle and seeing Mark. I've never been to Seattle before -- >should be quite cool. yep, definitely. there's just too many cool things to do, though. You will have to help me and Mark plan what you might like to do or see. >> We really should think about having a barbeque one >> weekend soon, though. >Cool with me, but not the weekend of the 26th. Maybe we should just plan for >early August? it'll happen when it happens. probably not until August. I want the yard to look at little nicer, though I'm not sure that's going to happen since our grass is actually weeds and everything else seems to be turning brown. Thanks for taking time again to write me. I missed you. I talked to Craig today. He needed tech support. He asked to have you call him sometime, he might come bum garage time and advice from you one of these weekends soon. It sounds like he's working too hard. Well... I've hit that 3pm loss of energy lull... I need to get off the computer to get out of it. Talk more later. Love you, Kam " kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX Normal 7/9/98 "> Maybe we can just try to go this Friday and get tickets > last minute. There's probably seats. Sounds good to me. > I thought the point was to go out on a weeknight, I'm fine with that, I just don't want to have to be anywhere much earlier than 7:00. > The shows are at 8pm on weeknights, so I'm not sure if > that's considered rushing. Nah. I just hate having to rush after work, rush to get home, rush to get somewhere... one night a week should be fine, if not much earlier than 7:00. > Thanks for hanging out at the lake. I had a good time, but I was plumb exhausted. Hope you didn't get too pissed at me catching some ZZ's. It wasn't intentional, I was just relaxing, but you know me - anywhere close to horizontal for too long... > I like doing things with our dog Ditto. He enjoyed it and I'd like to take him canoeing some time soon. > I really hope you don't actually think that when > I asked if you were going to sleep on the rock, and > not be social, that I don't think you *deserve* to rest. No, I didn't think that, but there was a bit too much edge on that statement and I was tired, so I wasn't going to respond very well, especially when confronted in public. I know that's not something you appreciate, and its probably not fair, but any time I'm challenged in public, I'm likely not to be cooperative. If you can, maybe try coming over to me and talking to me quietly? I think I'll respond better to that. > so, you want to wait on airfare, though, right? Yes. > we can call Mellie sometime when you're here too, > since you haven't talked to her in a while. Sounds good. I'm game to do that tonight or whenever. > Thanks for taking time again to write me. I missed you. Ditto. Don't be afraid to make a preemptive letter writing strike to me if you want to. Love you, and we gotta pick up another newfie tonight. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Re: Thanks for the Coolness "> I hope work is going okay today. HA! No, in a big way! Don't ask... > Did you get to hook up with George? I did -- talked for about a half hour. Quite nice. > You know, I don't think I've thanked you enough > about being persistent on deciding to get A/C. Thanks you for going out of your way to thanks me. Hundred degree days are definitely reminding me it was a good choice, but thank you for also telling me. It was a lot of work and it is a nice payoff to hear that you enjoyed it. > I am so looking forward to my trip back home > because I know it will help me clear my head > and renew my focus. Good. I know home is important to you, and sometimes you may need to remind me that you need a trip home every now and then for sanity's sake -- because it doesn't work that way for me. I'm happy that you are excited, and hope that it is all that you expect it to be. > Don't be surprised if I come back with a new & > improved plan of action and shorter hair. The first sounds good, but we're just talking a few inches of the latter, right? (He says, knowing full well that its her choice) > Would you like to do something tonight? Maybe > a dollar movie or something. I could go for that, I think. Find out what's on and when I need to be home, then call me. I'd also be game to do.... YOU. Can I request that shorta sorta orangish/peach-print dress that you look so delectable in? Or maybe a trial wearing of the orange sarong, a white shorty top, and a certain shortage of underwear? Or something that makes you feel sexy and hot, that you can go out to a movie in, then remove parts of on the way home in the car? > I love you Randy.... Ah, but I love you more. And I also think lustily of you -- which definitely isn't helping me productive today at work! Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Thanks for the Coolness "Hi hon, I hope work is going okay today. Did you get to hook up with George? You know, I don't think I've thanked you enough about being persistent on deciding to get A/C. Thanks so much. I don't know how Gozar & I would have made it through the summer without it. I had intended on writing a much longer letter with some musings & contemplations, but I find it hard to put my thoughts together coherently right now. I am so looking forward to my trip back home because I know it will help me clear my head and renew my focus. Don't be surprised if I come back with a new & improved plan of action and shorter hair. Would you like to do something tonight? Maybe a dollar movie or something. Give me a call if you do. I love you Randy.... " kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX Normal Re: Thanks for the Coolness "> I hope work is going okay today. HA! No, in a big way! Don't ask... > Did you get to hook up with George? I did -- talked for about a half hour. Quite nice. > You know, I don't think I've thanked you enough > about being persistent on deciding to get A/C. Thanks you for going out of your way to thanks me. Hundred degree days are definitely reminding me it was a good choice, but thank you for also telling me. It was a lot of work and it is a nice payoff to hear that you enjoyed it. > I am so looking forward to my trip back home > because I know it will help me clear my head > and renew my focus. Good. I know home is important to you, and sometimes you may need to remind me that you need a trip home every now and then for sanity's sake -- because it doesn't work that way for me. I'm happy that you are excited, and hope that it is all that you expect it to be. > Don't be surprised if I come back with a new & > improved plan of action and shorter hair. The first sounds good, but we're just talking a few inches of the latter, right? (He says, knowing full well that its her choice) > Would you like to do something tonight? Maybe > a dollar movie or something. I could go for that, I think. Find out what's on and when I need to be home, then call me. I'd also be game to do.... YOU. Can I request that shorta sorta orangish/peach-print dress that you look so delectable in? Or maybe a trial wearing of the orange sarong, a white shorty top, and a certain shortage of underwear? Or something that makes you feel sexy and hot, that you can go out to a movie in, then remove parts of on the way home in the car? > I love you Randy.... Ah, but I love you more. And I also think lustily of you -- which definitely isn't helping me productive today at work! Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX kammy@jps.net kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal talking "I was chatting with Reina this afternoon, letting her know that I was available for her if she needed to talk about important stuff, and I typed this thought: ""Sigh. I'd make room for my wife to talk to me, too, but she doesn't -- not about important things in her life. Its all about the little finite things, and all too little about what she really cares about. Perhaps these counseling sessions will offer an opportunity to draw that out."" I thought that would be a valuable thing for you to know. I know that you have important things going on in your life, but right now I really couldn't tell you what they are. I know all about the little details of yoru garden, your job, etc. but I don't know much about what I think is important to you. I'd like to know more about those things, if you'd care to share them with me, Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy@jps.net' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal Re: talking "Hmmm.. I find this curious because I'd say you do not seem to share those important things with me. Also, it would be nice to know what you consider important because what I consider important might not be the same. You said, ""but I don't know much about what *I* think is important to you."" Maybe an example of what is important to you would help me either open up to you regarding something equally important to me OR help me explain to you why something I talk about already is just as important to me as your example might be to you. Does that make sense? I really would like an example. I have to admit that I think the later might be the case and that in the past I have felt that you expressed disinterest in listening to me talk about things that were important to me. I know that I have consciously censored myself before from discussing certain topics with you because of this. I would really like to feel connected to you again. Maybe I need to feel like here's room for me to talk in general *before* I feel comfortable enough to talk about more important things. kam Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > I was chatting with Reina this afternoon, letting her know that I > was available for her if she needed to talk about important stuff, and I > typed this thought: > > ""Sigh. I'd make room for my wife to talk to me, too, but she doesn't > -- not about important things in her life. Its all about the little finite > things, and all too little about what she really cares about. Perhaps these > counseling sessions will offer an opportunity to draw that out."" > > I thought that would be a valuable thing for you to know. I know > that you have important things going on in your life, but right now I really > couldn't tell you what they are. I know all about the little details of yoru > garden, your job, etc. but I don't know much about what I think is important > to you. > > I'd like to know more about those things, if you'd care to share > them with me, > > Randii > > > > " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "I find this curious because I'd say you do not seem to share those important things with me. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, that's peachy. Not. If that's the truth, then we definitely need to talk more about stuff. The thing is that right now I don't have any important 'purpose' or much that's driving me forward in life. I have a whole bunch of responsibilities that stress me and not much that makes me feel free. I don't want to talk about the stressors except to vent. My relationship with you is important to me but if I try to address it, I feel like we just end up fighting, and I wonder whether not talking is better than talking and fighting. I don't have that much important right now to share with you, I'm just sorta drifting. That's OK, I guess -- I don't feel like I need to have a huge happiness or purpose, though it would certainly be nice. That does, however, leave me devoid of really important stuff to talk to you about. I'm looking forward to my Christmas vacation, but I don't feel like I can talk about that. So I don't have anything that 'drives' me right now, a passion.... so I try to tal;k about the things that excite me, and I get shut down. You have no interest in hearing about four-wheeling, for instance. Also, it would be nice to know what you consider important because what I consider important might not be the same. You said, ""but I don't know much about what *I* think is important to you."" Maybe an example of what is important to you would help me either open up to you regarding something equally important to me OR help me explain to you why something I talk about already is just as important to me as your example might be to you. Does that make sense? I really would like an example. [Burleson, RandyX D] Nope it doesn't make sense. All we talk about lately is gardening and your job. I vent about my job, too, but I've been trying to minimize that. The job just is not that important to me, except for me clinging to a stable income. That's not a dig at you, the whole stable income thing -- I just really think as a grown up person I need to provide for *myself*. I will admit to feeling pressured about the job thing, though, because I haven't felt secure in being able to quit my job for the last few years. At HP, you might have quit any day, the way you talked, and this job sounds might similar. I can't help but wonder whether it will always be this way.... and right now, with my stresses at work, I could really USE the confidence of being able to think to myself, ""Hey, if it gets too bad, I can just quit."" Regardless of what you say right now, based on what you've told me of your current job, I don't believe it would be a good idea for me to quit my job. Not being able to even think that makes this stress that much harder to bear. I have to admit that I think the later might be the case and that in the past I have felt that you expressed disinterest in listening to me talk about things that were important to me. I know that I have consciously censored myself before from discussing certain topics with you because of this. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well work and gardening aren't 'the important things' that I'm talking about. I sincerely hope there's more to you than that -- the person I fell in love with talked about traveling, and love, and her dreams. I'd like to talk about those things with you. I would really like to feel connected to you again. Maybe I need to feel like here's room for me to talk in general *before* I feel comfortable enough to talk about more important things. [Burleson, RandyX D] I would like to feel connected that way, too. But that may be a problem, because the minutiae of your day serves only to space me away right now. I think I see that in you, when I vent to you about my job, too. The trivial shit is supposed to be filler for the important stuff, and it seems like all we have is filler lately. Randii" "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy@jps.net' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal Re: talking " -----Original Message----- From: Burleson, RandyX D To: kammy@jps.net Date: Monday, October 26, 1998 3:57 PM Subject: RE: talking >> I find this curious because I'd say you do not seem to share those >> important >> things with me. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, that's peachy. Not. > If that's the truth, then we definitely need to talk more about >stuff. The thing is that right now I don't have any important 'purpose' or >much that's driving me forward in life. I have a whole bunch of >responsibilities that stress me and not much that makes me feel free. I If it makes you feel any better, I feel exactly the same way. I don't even have short term goals or plans. I don't know what I'm doing or what I WANT to do past December. I don't know how I want to make a living, or where or how I want to spend my free time, or what I'm going to try to do to stimulate my mind. Its rather scary since I've almost always had some sort of image of the coming year with some sort of stabilizing situation (school, work, hobby). The only time I had no clue like this was when John & I broke up and I moved to Arizona. >don't want to talk about the stressors except to vent. understandable, but not necessarily healthy. at least not for me. > My relationship with you is important to me but if I try to address >it, I feel like we just end up fighting, and I wonder whether not talking is >better than talking and fighting. I also understand this feeling. I've been putting off many discussions for months because I know we will fight about them. I don't think that its better to not talk, but sometimes I feel like its better to talk at a more stable time. I've been waiting for a more stable time - but a stable time for some issues is unstable for others, so waiting doesn't appear to be helping. > I don't have that much important right now to share with you, I'm >just sorta drifting. That's OK, I guess -- I don't feel like I need to have >a huge happiness or purpose, though it would certainly be nice. That does, >however, leave me devoid of really important stuff to talk to you about. I'm I'm wondering if its OK with you to be drifting and devoid of important stuff to talk about, why its not apparently OK for me. I'm just feeling a little defensive that you discuss my lack of talking about 'important stuff' with Reina in a judgmental way but you only admit to me that you have a lack of discussing important stuff yourself. It hurts to be deemed the non-communicative one when it takes two to communicate. I'm not meaning this is a slam, I just hope you see that its not fair to blame me alone. >looking forward to my Christmas vacation, but I don't feel like I can talk >about that. So I don't have anything that 'drives' me right now, a Why can't you talk about it? I don't even know who you're planning on seeing for sure (Steve & Wayne, and some other off-road.com contacts), for how long you're planning on taking off, etc. I'd like to know. Any discomfort you sensed from me from previous discussions was in reaction to the way in which you presented it- generally in a 'I'm going to Mexico, nya nya' slant. I want you to have fun whatever you do. I also want you to want to have fun with me sometime. I don't want to feel like this is the beginning of a long line of seperate vacations. >passion.... so I try to tal;k about the things that excite me, and I get >shut down. You have no interest in hearing about four-wheeling, for >instance. you have no interest in hearing about photography, gardening, or dieting, for instance. I am sorry you feel shut down. I try very hard to express interest in your hobbies and pursuits. I thought I was doing okay, even though I know I have off-days. Some days its just too much at once. I hope I can do better because I know if feels horrible to feel shut down. >> something >> equally important to me OR help me explain to you why something I talk >> about >> already is just as important to me as your example might be to you. Does >> that >> make sense? I really would like an example. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Nope it doesn't make sense. All we talk about >lately is gardening and your job. I vent about my job, too, but I've been >trying to minimize that. The job just is not that important to me, except >for me clinging to a stable income. That's not a dig at you, the whole >stable income thing -- I just really think as a grown up person I need to >provide for *myself*. gardening is important to me. its a time to myself, time away from the real world. And by gardening, I don't mean mowing, laying sod, or trimming trees. Trust me that these are Chores. Just because you like fixing up your truck, doesn't mean you like changing my oil or tuning my metro, right? I never mind when you talk about your job. I like knowing a little about what you do. A couple of years ago you said so little about it, I had no clue what you were doing. > I will admit to feeling pressured about the job thing, though, >because I haven't felt secure in being able to quit my job for the last few >years. At HP, you might have quit any day, the way you talked, and this job >sounds might similar. I can't help but wonder whether it will always be this >way.... and right now, with my stresses at work, I could really USE the >confidence of being able to think to myself, ""Hey, if it gets too bad, I can >just quit."" Regardless of what you say right now, based on what you've told >me of your current job, I don't believe it would be a good idea for me to >quit my job. Not being able to even think that makes this stress that much >harder to bear. I don't need you to take care of me, Randy. I do what I need to do. I only expect you to do what you need to do as well. We *can* live on one income, with choices, so please don't make it my fault that you feel like you can't quit. You should be able to feel that if it gets to bad, you can quit. I've been wanting to talk about the possibility of splitting expenses & incomes again(remember I asked you to think about it) and if you feel in any way that *I* am holding you back some how, then I think we better consider it seriously. Think about it for a few days- we do not have to resolve all our issues at once. >> I have to admit that I think the later might be the case and that in the >> past I >> have felt that you expressed disinterest in listening to me talk about >> things >> that were important to me. I know that I have consciously censored myself >> before from discussing certain topics with you because of this. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well work and gardening aren't 'the important >things' that I'm talking about. I sincerely hope there's more to you than >that -- the person I fell in love with talked about traveling, and love, and >her dreams. I'd like to talk about those things with you. so talk! again- I love talking about these things, but without feeling like I have a responsive and interested partner, how am I supposed to just bring these subjects up? Sometimes just getting you to talk at all feels impossible. and why is it my responsibility to start these types of discussions? okay, I see that you're trying to start a discussion now, I do. how about in person? >> I would really like to feel connected to you again. Maybe I need to feel >> like >> here's room for me to talk in general *before* I feel comfortable enough >> to talk >> about more important things. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I would like to feel connected that way, too. >But that may be a problem, because the minutiae of your day serves only to >space me away right now. I think I see that in you, when I vent to you about >my job, too. The trivial shit is supposed to be filler for the important >stuff, and it seems like all we have is filler lately. I think we are both having difficulties getting past the filler because we don't feel the other is responsive to us about the unimportant stuff- so why should we risk more important stuff? I have felt very far away from you for a long time. I'm not sure we have things in common anymore- its hard to feel close without commonalities. Its hard to talk, its hard to be friends, its hard to be intimate. I want all these things. I don't know how to get there any more. I hope someone can help us and I hope we can help each other. I love you Randy. " kammy kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "If it makes you feel any better, I feel exactly the same way. [Burleson, RandyX D] Better, no. Less alon, maybe. I don't even have short term goals or plans. I don't know what I'm doing or what I WANT to do past December. I don't know how I want to make a living, or where or how I want to spend my free time, or what I'm going to try to do to stimulate my mind. Its rather scary since I've almost always had some sort of image of the coming year with some sort of stabilizing situation (school, work, hobby). The only time I had no clue like this was when John & I broke up and I moved to Arizona. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, I'm sorta used to it -- its my M.O. - which doesn't make it any better, just a bit less unusual. I'm truly jealous of the people that know what they want to do with their life. >don't want to talk about the stressors except to vent. understandable, but not necessarily healthy. at least not for me. [Burleson, RandyX D] How so? I'd rather not wear you out on this stuff -- and I can tell that you do get worn out of listening to it. I know I did when you talked always of HP happenings. > My relationship with you is important to me but if I try to address >it, I feel like we just end up fighting, and I wonder whether not talking > is better than talking and fighting. I also understand this feeling. I've been putting off many discussions for months because I know we will fight about them. I don't think that its better to not talk, but sometimes I feel like its better to talk at a more stable time. I've been waiting for a more stable time - but a stable time for some issues is unstable for others, so waiting doesn't appear to be helping. [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm thinking that we can draw some of these issues out in front of the counselor, which will perhaps be a safer environment. I'm wondering if its OK with you to be drifting and devoid of important stuff to talk about, why its not apparently OK for me. I'm just feeling a little defensive that you discuss my lack of talking about 'important stuff' with Reina in a judgmental way but you only admit to me that you have a lack of discussing important stuff yourself. It hurts to be deemed the non-communicative one when it takes two to communicate. I'm not meaning this is a slam, I just hope you see that its not fair to blame me alone. [Burleson, RandyX D] I get that, but feel like I make more of an effort. Dunno if that's fair, but that's what I feel. >looking forward to my Christmas vacation, but I don't feel like I can talk >about that. So I don't have anything that 'drives' me right now, a Why can't you talk about it? I don't even know who you're planning on seeing for sure (Steve & Wayne, and some other off-road.com contacts), for how long you're planning on taking off, etc. I'd like to know. Any discomfort you sensed from me from previous discussions was in reaction to the way in which you presented it- generally in a 'I'm going to Mexico, nya nya' slant. I want you to have fun whatever you do. I also want you to want to have fun with me sometime. I don't want to feel like this is the beginning of a long line of seperate vacations. [Burleson, RandyX D] This isn'nt necessarily the first of a long line of separate vacations, but you've gotta see that going to Michigan every year IS going to happen for you, but that I don't want to do it. I feel like I'm being pretty accomodating just agreeing to go back every other year. I'm not trying to present things 'nyah, nyah' although it certainly seems obvious to me which is better. I've tried to make light of that in the past by joking about 'nyah, nyah' but apparently that misfired. I don't feel like you want to know about what I'm doing with my break -- and I'm pretty sure I've picked up some big vibes from you to that effect. Do you resent me for going somewhere cool without you? Honestly, think about it. you have no interest in hearing about photography, gardening, or dieting, for instance. [Burleson, RandyX D] Photography, because I get so frustrated at the half-completed state of it, the articles never pursued (not just Moab). You re genuinely good at it, Kamm, and it is hard not to be frustrated that you just dropped it. I don't think it was reasonable to pursue it as your only income, but with your talent and love for it, I don't think it is reasonable to just drop it, either. Gardening -- I'm happy that you enjoy it, but it just isn't something I get into.... I want low effort pretty things, and it bugs me to look at the effort involved and think ahead to the maintenance that this will require. I'll be more supportive if you prove that you will maintain these massive expanses of garden, but I really expect them to be a passing thing. I do try to discuss these things with you, especially WRT the general landscaping, and not just flowerbeds. The lawn, on the other hand, will endure, I think, and I am willing to expend my effort to help make that work. I was bummed that you weren't very appreciative of my efforts for the whole rototilling endeavor. I would have much rather been doing something fun, or something less emotionally charged, but I got the rototiller because *you wanted it.* As mentioned earlier on, I would have much rather just paid someone to do the tilling and leveling. Part of this is that I have so totally BTDT before. I've moved dirt, rototilled, and been forced to garden on a grand scale, both for pay and for my parents. The former wasn't that bad -- they were shit jobs, but I got paid. The latter sticks with me -- I hated helping my parents on their garden, and it definitely still sticks. That's not meant to be a cop out, but that definietly is wrapped up in the resntment I feel for having to help you. Dieting, nope, no interest, That's personal. You look good now, and I respect your resolve at dieting -- that's something, there. Do you get that -- I RESPECT YOU. Now do you get that I need to do it myself and don't prioritize it, thus don't respect myself? Are you starting to get why I don't want to talk about dieting? Its a constant reminder that I'm failing myself, I am sorry you feel shut down. I try very hard to express interest in your hobbies and pursuits. I thought I was doing okay, even though I know I have off-days. Some days its just too much at once. I hope I can do better because I know if feels horrible to feel shut down. [Burleson, RandyX D] I'll try to do better, too. Maybe you could give me a short list of things that you want or need me to be interested in? [Burleson, RandyX D] I might not even know... gardening is important to me. its a time to myself, time away from the real world. And by gardening, I don't mean mowing, laying sod, or trimming trees. Trust me that these are Chores. Just because you like fixing up your truck, doesn't mean you like changing my oil or tuning my metro, right? I never mind when you talk about your job. I like knowing a little about what you do. A couple of years ago you said so little about it, I had no clue what you were doing. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. That makes sense, both hearing about my job and differentiating between chores and gardening. I like that you have gardening to do for yourself, as your own Zen, much like I have the truck. I just don't want to HAVE to help -- and part of that is not even you -- I've done much of the labor before, so I know better ways to do it. And as you well know, its hard for me not to share them. I don't need you to take care of me, Randy. I do what I need to do. I only expect you to do what you need to do as well. We *can* live on one income, with choices, so please don't make it my fault that you feel like you can't quit. You should be able to feel that if it gets to bad, you can quit. [Burleson, RandyX D] I don't. And no matter what you say, Kamm, its ingrained in me to provide, so I'm going to feel responsible regardless of what you do or say. I can't help it, I'm just wired that way. I've been wanting to talk about the possibility of splitting expenses & incomes again(remember I asked you to think about it) and if you feel in any way that *I* am holding you back some how, then I think we better consider it seriously. Think about it for a few days- we do not have to resolve all our issues at once. [Burleson, RandyX D] I have thought about it, but I didn't feel secure enough about us to broach that conversation to you. That would require a whole restructuring of finances, and I would like to do it sometime, but I'd like to feel more comfortable about us before wading into that. so talk! again- I love talking about these things, but without feeling like I have a responsive and interested partner, how am I supposed to just bring these subjects up? Sometimes just getting you to talk at all feels impossible. and why is it my responsibility to start these types of discussions? okay, I see that you're trying to start a discussion now, I do. how about in person? [Burleson, RandyX D] We need to. I just don't know how to start that ball rolling, and as we both said earlier, it is harder right now since we're both kinda drifting in neutral. I'm hoping that th counselor can bring that out, and get us back in 'Drive.' I think we are both having difficulties getting past the filler because we don't feel the other is responsive to us about the unimportant stuff- so why should we risk more important stuff? [Burleson, RandyX D] Great insight. That's exactly what I feel! I have felt very far away from you for a long time. I'm not sure we have things in common anymore- its hard to feel close without commonalities. Its hard to talk, its hard to be friends, its hard to be intimate. I want all these things. I don't know how to get there any more. I hope someone can help us and I hope we can help each other. I love you Randy. [Burleson, RandyX D] And I love you. Thanks for working with me on us -- I think we're worth it. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal Re: talking "Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > I don't even > > have short term goals or plans. I don't know what I'm doing or what I > > WANT > > to do past December. I don't know how I want to make a living, or where > > or > > how I want to spend my free time, or what I'm going to try to do to > > stimulate my mind. Its rather scary since I've almost always had some > > sort > > of image of the coming year with some sort of stabilizing situation > > (school, > > work, hobby). The only time I had no clue like this was when John & I > > broke > > up and I moved to Arizona. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, I'm sorta used to it -- its my M.O. - > which doesn't make it any better, just a bit less unusual. I'm truly jealous > of the people that know what they want to do with their life. Hey, I've never known that- but having some sort of short- or medium-term plan would be nice. > > >don't want to talk about the stressors except to vent. > > understandable, but not necessarily healthy. at least not for me. > [Burleson, RandyX D] How so? I'd rather not wear you out on this > stuff -- and I can tell that you do get worn out of listening to it. I know > I did when you talked always of HP happenings. I need to talk out and think about my stressors other than just venting to really consider their impact on my life and what I can do about them. When I vent, I am not expecting to solve it- just vent. But when I can think about it rationally, then I might be able to solve the tough points. Yes, I get worn out listening, but I don't want you to stop talking. And I don't want to feel like I have to stop talking either. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm thinking that we can draw some of these > issues out in front of the counselor, which will perhaps be a safer > environment. I hope so. > > It hurts to be deemed the non-communicative one when it takes two to > > communicate. I'm not meaning this is a slam, I just hope you see that its > > not fair to blame me alone. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I get that, but feel like I make more of an > effort. Dunno if that's fair, but that's what I feel. And I feel that I make more of the effort. Of course, its not fair. > > nya' slant. I want you to have fun whatever you do. I also want you to > > want to have fun with me sometime. I don't want to feel like this is the > > beginning of a long line of seperate vacations. > [Burleson, RandyX D] This isn'nt necessarily the first of a long > line of separate vacations, but you've gotta see that going to Michigan > every year IS going to happen for you, but that I don't want to do it. I > feel like I'm being pretty accomodating just agreeing to go back every other > year. I know- you don't have to sell me. You don't have to go back to Michigan ever, if you get no enjoyment out of it. > I'm not trying to present things 'nyah, nyah' although it certainly > seems obvious to me which is better. I've tried to make light of that in the > past by joking about 'nyah, nyah' but apparently that misfired. I don't feel > like you want to know about what I'm doing with my break -- and I'm pretty > sure I've picked up some big vibes from you to that effect. Do you resent me > for going somewhere cool without you? Honestly, think about it. again, I wasn't interested in hearing it with the 'nya nya' slant- NOT that I wasn't interested in hearing about it. so can I officially ask you to share your vacation plans with me? And yes, it bugs me that you are going somewhere that I'd like to go with you, been planning on going with you, without me. I don't mind your ski trips because you haven't yet gone somewhere that I really wanted to go myself. When you end up going to Whistler, I'll be a little jealous that you'll be seeing it and I won't. > > you have no interest in hearing about photography, gardening, or dieting, > > for instance. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Photography, because I get so frustrated at > the half-completed state of it, the articles never pursued (not just Moab). > You re genuinely good at it, Kamm, and it is hard not to be frustrated that > you just dropped it. I don't think it was reasonable to pursue it as your > only income, but with your talent and love for it, I don't think it is > reasonable to just drop it, either. The half-completed state has nothing to do with what I enjoy about Photography. I like the creative feeling of TAKING PICTURES and then ENJOYING the results. Business is business, which is just work. I do not ENJOY the business aspect - just like I do not enjoy the chores part of gardening, so do not equate me putting aside the business for the time being for my ""just dropping"" my interests. I cannot put a large amount of effort into a SECOND business. While I have a day-job, I plan of putting occasional effort into the business and a reasonable amount of effort into developing my skills. I do have other things going and as I have tried and tried and tried to explain- I want to finish this landscaping project before I think about any other projects. After a brief rest, I'm hoping to start scanning and creating my web portfolio in November. I'm sorry if it seems like slow-motion, but I really don't want to constantly work two jobs. > Gardening -- I'm happy that you enjoy it, but it just isn't > . > . > Dieting, nope, no interest, That's personal. You look good now, and I didn't expect or want a point by point explanation of why you aren't interested in the things that I am interested in. You already know I don't share your interest in trucks, and I doubt you need an explanation why. So neither do I. > The lawn, on the other hand, will endure, I think, and I am willing > to expend my effort to help make that work. I was bummed that you weren't > very appreciative of my efforts for the whole rototilling endeavor. I would All I wanted was you to pick up the rototiller so it would be there when we returned. I would have taken your truck & picked it up myself had I known I had extra time. > have much rather been doing something fun, or something less emotionally > charged, but I got the rototiller because *you wanted it.* As mentioned > earlier on, I would have much rather just paid someone to do the tilling and I would have rather paid someone as well. I looked. It wasn't working out, I ( & mother nature) had a schedule, so I went to plan B. I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted but I'm glad now that we're doing it ourself and saving at least $250. > got paid. The latter sticks with me -- I hated helping my parents on their > garden, and it definitely still sticks. That's not meant to be a cop out, > but that definietly is wrapped up in the resntment I feel for having to help > you. You're a home owner now. You're not just helping me- you're helping retain the value of your house. Chores need to be done and the yard will just continue to degrade if we do not put some effort into it. I will try to do as much of it on my own, but again- these things are chores for me too- not just fun little projects. > > I am sorry you feel shut down. I try very hard to express interest in > > your > > hobbies and pursuits. I thought I was doing okay, even though I know I > > have > > off-days. Some days its just too much at once. I hope I can do better > > because I know if feels horrible to feel shut down. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I'll try to do better, too. Maybe you could > give me a short list of things that you want or need me to be interested in? > I might not even know... If I'm discussing something, of course I want you to be interested in it. I don't need you to be interested in it and I don't expect you to be as interested in it as I am, but I'd like you to appreciate my interest in something. I think I really do try to do at least that for you, even though I might have off days, or even if I can't sustain it over long discussions. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. That makes sense, both hearing about my > job and differentiating between chores and gardening. I like that you have > gardening to do for yourself, as your own Zen, much like I have the truck. I > just don't want to HAVE to help -- and part of that is not even you -- I've > done much of the labor before, so I know better ways to do it. And as you > well know, its hard for me not to share them. I don't mind you sharing tips on how I might want to do something, but realize that what works for you might not work as well for me due to our physical differences. I do consider your suggestions. I may try them and find they do not seem to work for me, or I might think them through and have a reason you don't know about for choosing to do it differently. If you don't understand why I choose to do something differently than the way you've suggested, then ask instead of assuming that I'm just being stubborn. A nice way of asking might be like ""Did you decide that doing it such and such wouldn't work for you?"" > > I don't need you to take care of me, Randy. I do what I need to do. I > > only > > expect you to do what you need to do as well. We *can* live on one income, > > with choices, so please don't make it my fault that you feel like you > > can't > > quit. You should be able to feel that if it gets to bad, you can quit. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I don't. And no matter what you say, Kamm, its > ingrained in me to provide, so I'm going to feel responsible regardless of > what you do or say. I can't help it, I'm just wired that way. okay, but don't make me feel like I have to live my life according to your wiring. do you understand? again, don't make it my fault that you feel this way. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I have thought about it, but I didn't feel > secure enough about us to broach that conversation to you. That would > require a whole restructuring of finances, and I would like to do it > sometime, but I'd like to feel more comfortable about us before wading into > that. that's fine, I would like us both to feel less in debt when we do it anyway. Maybe next tax year, if we're ready. > > discussions? okay, I see that you're trying to start a discussion now, I > > do. how about in person? > [Burleson, RandyX D] We need to. I just don't know how to start > that ball rolling, and as we both said earlier, it is harder right now since > we're both kinda drifting in neutral. I'm hoping that th counselor can bring > that out, and get us back in 'Drive.' I think writing back and forth is helping as well. I tried it before, but you stopped responding when things got a little hectic a work back in June. Let's just keep trying.Thanks for giving the ball a push this time. Kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "> [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, I'm sorta used to it -- its my M.O. - > which doesn't make it any better, just a bit less unusual. I'm truly jealous > of the people that know what they want to do with their life. Hey, I've never known that- but having some sort of short- or medium-term plan would be nice. [Burleson, RandyX D] What, not known that I sorta drift without a purpose through life? I thought it was obvious! We should talk about short or medium term plans, then. What are you looking for? I'm hoping to start saving for retirement soon, and play more. I need to talk out and think about my stressors other than just venting to really consider their impact on my life and what I can do about them. When I vent, I am not expecting to solve it- just vent. But when I can think about it rationally, then I might be able to solve the tough points. Yes, I get worn out listening, but I don't want you to stop talking. And I don't want to feel like I have to stop talking either. [Burleson, RandyX D] Yeah, I need to as well. But the HP thing really wore me down. You talking about your current job isn't bad at all - but the HP job was different, somehow. Please don't stop talking -- and I promise to let you know if I do want you to stop talking, OK? I imagine that sometimes I'll need that just situationally, when I won't be able to really listen to you for some reason or other - dunno, mebbe situational stressrs in my life. > [Burleson, RandyX D] This isn'nt necessarily the first of a long > line of separate vacations, but you've gotta see that going to Michigan > every year IS going to happen for you, but that I don't want to do it. I > feel like I'm being pretty accomodating just agreeing to go back every other > year. I know- you don't have to sell me. You don't have to go back to Michigan ever, if you get no enjoyment out of it. [Burleson, RandyX D] I do get some enjoyment out of it - seeing my friends, our families... but I think I get more enjoyment out of going someplace warm and exotic. again, I wasn't interested in hearing it with the 'nya nya' slant- NOT that I wasn't interested in hearing about it. so can I officially ask you to share your vacation plans with me? And yes, it bugs me that you are going somewhere that I'd like to go with you, been planning on going with you, without me. I don't mind your ski trips because you haven't yet gone somewhere that I really wanted to go myself. When you end up going to Whistler, I'll be a little jealous that you'll be seeing it and I won't. [Burleson, RandyX D] Sure! Will share more -- because I *am* excited about it, and I'd love to use your knowledge of the areas for stuff to visit. You've spent a whole lot more time on So Cal than I. The half-completed state has nothing to do with what I enjoy about Photography. I like the creative feeling of TAKING PICTURES and then ENJOYING the results. Business is business, which is just work. I do not ENJOY the business aspect - just like I do not enjoy the chores part of gardening, so do not equate me putting aside the business for the time being for my ""just dropping"" my interests. [Burleson, RandyX D] I get it. I hadn't looked at it that way. I didn't expect or want a point by point explanation of why you aren't interested in the things that I am interested in. You already know I don't share your interest in trucks, and I doubt you need an explanation why. So neither do I. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Point taken. All I wanted was you to pick up the rototiller so it would be there when we returned. I would have taken your truck & picked it up myself had I known I had extra time. [Burleson, RandyX D] That may have been all you wanted, but it wasn't all you ended up needing, or using. I just didn't feel like my efforts were appreciated. You did thank me for picking up the oller last night, and I appreciated that. I would have rather paid someone as well. I looked. It wasn't working out, I ( & mother nature) had a schedule, so I went to plan B. I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted but I'm glad now that we're doing it ourself and saving at least $250. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, Saving is good, but as overcommitted as I am right now, I'm not sure if I wouldn't have rather just paid to get it done. You're a home owner now. You're not just helping me- you're helping retain the value of your house. Chores need to be done and the yard will just continue to degrade if we do not put some effort into it. I will try to do as much of it on my own, but again- these things are chores for me too- not just fun little projects. [Burleson, RandyX D] Lecture mode. Yeah, I get the whople homeowner maintenance thing, and I'll admit that sometimes I wonder if we should have bought a condo. Timetables are more what I hate than the actual chores. I would have liked to put this off further. And you have to admit that a big chunk of the sideyard project has been flowerbed, which was optional - whereas the yard was not. If I'm discussing something, of course I want you to be interested in it. I don't need you to be interested in it and I don't expect you to be as interested in it as I am, but I'd like you to appreciate my interest in something. I think I really do try to do at least that for you, even though I might have off days, or even if I can't sustain it over long discussions. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. I'll try harder. Please keep trying for me. I don't mind you sharing tips on how I might want to do something, but realize that what works for you might not work as well for me due to our physical differences. [Burleson, RandyX D] I get that. Really, I do. I do consider your suggestions. I may try them and find they do not seem to work for me, or I might think them through and have a reason you don't know about for choosing to do it differently. If you don't understand why I choose to do something differently than the way you've suggested, then ask instead of assuming that I'm just being stubborn. A nice way of asking might be like ""Did you decide that doing it such and such wouldn't work for you?"" [Burleson, RandyX D] I will do that. Thank you for this specific suggestion -- I can act more easily on this kind of specifics, so I think this should really help. okay, but don't make me feel like I have to live my life according to your wiring. do you understand? again, don't make it my fault that you feel this way. [Burleson, RandyX D] Yeah, I get this, but there's another obvious extreme -- you can't make me live according to YOUR hardwiring either. We gotta compomise, somehow. that's fine, I would like us both to feel less in debt when we do it anyway. Maybe next tax year, if we're ready. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. I do want to talk about overtime, though. It is really demotivating for me to see my OT just meld into the rest of our money -- I can't see a good result for it, and it is even harder to stay and do a good job. Can we set it up so that if either of us makes overtime, that person gets to spend at least a portion of it? I would find that very motivating. I know you aren't in a position to make OT now, so if you want, we can backtrack and count your HP OT, maybe, or I'm open to looking at other suggestions... it just really frustrates me to pull in an extra $500 in a week and then have to ask about spending $20 on something the next week. I think writing back and forth is helping as well. I tried it before, but you stopped responding when things got a little hectic a work back in June. Let's just keep trying.Thanks for giving the ball a push this time. [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks you for appreciating. Keep writing, Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy@jps.net' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal Re: talking "Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > jealous > > > of the people that know what they want to do with their life. > > Hey, I've never known that- but having some sort of short- or medium-term > > plan > > would be nice. > [Burleson, RandyX D] What, not known that I sorta drift without a > purpose through life? I thought it was obvious! No, not that you drift- I meant ""I've never known"" what I wanted to do with my life, specifically. Generally, yes- specifically, no. > We should talk about short or medium term plans, then. What are you > looking for? I'm hoping to start saving for retirement soon, and play more. I think I need to get this job thing straightened away, then I can plan on retirement saving and playing and travelling. > Please don't stop talking -- and I promise to let you know if I do > want you to stop talking, OK? I imagine that sometimes I'll need that just > situationally, when I won't be able to really listen to you for some reason > or other - dunno, mebbe situational stressrs in my life. Ok, but being asked to stop talking about something I obviously need to talk about is difficult on my psyche. I don't mean being asked to talk about it later because you're not in the mood- I mean being asked not to talk about it anymore. That kind of total shut down is impossible for me to deal with. > > I know- you don't have to sell me. You don't have to go back to Michigan > > ever, > > if you get no enjoyment out of it. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I do get some enjoyment out of it - seeing my > friends, our families... but I think I get more enjoyment out of going > someplace warm and exotic. I'd like to do both. > > just like I do not enjoy the chores part of gardening, so do not equate me > > putting aside the business for the time being for my ""just dropping"" my > > interests. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I get it. I hadn't looked at it that way. Thank you. That means a lot. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That may have been all you wanted, but it > wasn't all you ended up needing, or using. I just didn't feel like my > efforts were appreciated. You did thank me for picking up the oller last > night, and I appreciated that. I will try harder to show my appreciation for the things you do. > > I would have rather paid someone as well. I looked. It wasn't working > > out, I ( > > & mother nature) had a schedule, so I went to plan B. I'm sorry it wasn't > > what > > you wanted but I'm glad now that we're doing it ourself and saving at > > least > > $250. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, Saving is good, but as overcommitted as > I am right now, I'm not sure if I wouldn't have rather just paid to get it > done. I understand that. I just wasn't having luck making that happen. I'm sorry. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Lecture mode. Yeah, I get the whople homeowner > maintenance thing, and I'll admit that sometimes I wonder if we should have > bought a condo. Timetables are more what I hate than the actual chores. I > would have liked to put this off further. And you have to admit that a big > chunk of the sideyard project has been flowerbed, which was optional - > whereas the yard was not. Okay, but I think planning the tilling, grading, leveling, rolling, sodding has taken more energy than hauling dirt to my flowerbed. It doesn't matter. I'm sorry you were pressured into helping, especially when you had other things on your plate. > > in it as I am, but I'd like you to appreciate my interest in something. > > I > > think I really do try to do at least that for you, even though I might > > have off > > days, or even if I can't sustain it over long discussions. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. I'll try harder. Please keep trying for > me. of course, I will. > > instead of assuming that I'm just being stubborn. A nice way of asking > > might be > > like ""Did you decide that doing it such and such wouldn't work for you?"" > [Burleson, RandyX D] I will do that. Thank you for this specific > suggestion -- I can act more easily on this kind of specifics, so I think > this should really help. I will try to be more specific in the future. > > okay, but don't make me feel like I have to live my life according to your > > wiring. do you understand? again, don't make it my fault that you feel > > this > > way. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yeah, I get this, but there's another obvious > extreme -- you can't make me live according to YOUR hardwiring either. We > gotta compomise, somehow. I don't expect you to live any particular way, except being responsible for your own well-being and being there for me as a friend & lover. Maybe thats over-simplifying it, but sometimes I think about why I married you and its mostly because I like being around you. I'd like to focus on having it fun to be with each other again. > > that's fine, I would like us both to feel less in debt when we do it > > anyway. > > Maybe next tax year, if we're ready. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. I do want to talk about overtime, though. > It is really demotivating for me to see my OT just meld into the rest of our > money -- I can't see a good result for it, and it is even harder to stay and > do a good job. Can we set it up so that if either of us makes overtime, that > person gets to spend at least a portion of it? I would find that very > motivating. I know you aren't in a position to make OT now, so if you want, > we can backtrack and count your HP OT, maybe, or I'm open to looking at > other suggestions... it just really frustrates me to pull in an extra $500 > in a week and then have to ask about spending $20 on something the next > week. well, if we split our earnings completely, you wouldn't have to worry about that. You wouldn't have to worry that if you make three times what I do some day, that it would feel unfair for me to spend as much as you. I'm trying not to be too frustrated about this, but how can you draw a line there? What if one of us is working fewer hours consistently? Should the other be compensated for working more? And honestly, we can't afford to reimburse me for three years of HP OT.I guess keep thinking about what you want and what you think is fair. Remember, I am not the one asking or expecting you to work OT. I'd prefer if you did not. The point of discussing what we spend OUR money on is to feel like we have EQUAL say in what we spend OUR money on. If we don't discuss purchases which will use OUR money, then there is not equal say. Just the more daring person gets to buy more. I'm sorry you feel I am being some sort of heavy on this, but I don't feel like I get a say on how a lot of our money is spent. I know I'm not always perfect in notifying you before purchases every single time, but I'm sure I do tell you as soon as I can if I can't afford it with my allowance. I'm often surprised by your purchases at the end of the month when I get the credit card bill. Maybe its hard to see when you're removed from the finances and I generally don't want to rock the boat because we tend to get in fights when we talk about finances. I know this will be a difficult issue for us to work through. I want to do it carefully and think things through thoroughly. I will think about different ways of handling this and hope you have some ideas too. I wanted to talk to you about possibly trying another counselor especially before we commit to Andrea. The office I was trying to contact has free 20 minute interviews to help you determine if you want to continue into an entire hour session. We could get in as early as tomorrow at 7:30, if you want to try. We don't have to rush into anything else, but I felt enough skepticism that the weekend thing would be right for us, that I wanted to follow-through on at least one other option. Call or page me if you're not going to be able to be home early today to check out Kristy's work on the yard so we can talk about it more. I am also still planning on having a long discussion regarding yesterday's session like we planned. Love you, Kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "No, not that you drift- I meant ""I've never known"" what I wanted to do with my life, specifically. Generally, yes- specifically, no. [Burleson, RandyX D] Really? What's the 'general' plan? Play and be happy? Love me? I think I need to get this job thing straightened away, then I can plan on retirement saving and playing and travelling. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. I just wanted to have started saving when I turned 30. I'm trying hard to look at the house as enforced saving. Ok, but being asked to stop talking about something I obviously need to talk about is difficult on my psyche. I don't mean being asked to talk about it later because you're not in the mood- I mean being asked not to talk about it anymore. That kind of total shut down is impossible for me to deal with. [Burleson, RandyX D] I know that was hard for you not to talk about HP. I think that's the most recent instance, right? The thing was, that it was also really hard one me (my psyche, I guess) to have to hear what was a very similar issue set again and again, and discuss ways to change it, but never see them implemented. I can listen to venting I think pretty well, but somewhere around a year I can't keep my distance. I know I'm not supposed to FIX things for you, but that one, with its recurrence, just drove me nuts, too. I promise to try harder, and to remember to never ask you to stop talking about an issue unless I just can't take anymore... and then I'll try to remember to note that it is just that one issue which we can't go into, and just for a while, at that. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I do get some enjoyment out of it - seeing my > friends, our families... but I think I get more enjoyment out of going > someplace warm and exotic. I'd like to do both. [Burleson, RandyX D] I get that, really, I do, but considering the costs of returning to Michigan, in addition to the opportunity cost of missing work, I'm unable to justify two weeks off for Christmas every year in Michigan. I will stick to my commitment and visit every other year, though. I will try harder to show my appreciation for the things you do. [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks. I really do try hard to please you. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, Saving is good, but as overcommitted as > I am right now, I'm not sure if I wouldn't have rather just paid to get it > done. I understand that. I just wasn't having luck making that happen. I'm sorry. [Burleson, RandyX D] And I'm pleased with the results, with the exception fo the brick trim, which I'll get over. The sideyard looks really great, and I appreciate all the work you have put into it. We should talk about when and what we're gonna do to the back yard, as well. When can we let Goz on the new grass? Besides time availability for us, that's the dependency I see for the backyard. And I guess with teh big pile of dirt over by the psa, I'm leaning toward doing something sooner rather than later with the backyard, as well. We should talk about this, and also talk about what still needs doing up front. Let's see -- we need to put the fence back up, consider clearing out some trees next to the driveway, consider clearing out some trees over on the opposite side of the yard from the driveway, etc. Doing the backyard would include demolishing that crappy little outbuilding, putting in a stretch of drainage across the back by the walk, possibly digging a hole for the spa, and tilling the yard. Whew. That sounds liek a big set of commitments, and I don't think we have time to do them, but I really dislike the big pile of drit in the yard. Anyway, we need to sit down (I like doing this stuff over dinner, I wish I would more frequently remember a notepad and a pen) and brainstorm what needs to be done, the prioritize. The more i think of it, the backyard isn't going to get done (by us) this year, but it might help me feel better about the big ass pile of dirt if I knew at least when I expected it to be gone. sorry you were pressured into helping, especially when you had other things on your plate. [Burleson, RandyX D] Wanted to help some, but the biggest problem was that you said, ""Hey, I can do it on my own."" It may be childish, but when I hear that, it is liek I hear a challenge, and I want to see you do it on your own. I'm not sure how to avoid this trap. I like it that you need my help with things -- it is good to be needed. I know you can do just about anything yourself, if you set your mind to it, but there are some things that I think I know how to do better. I dunno. If you'd just tell me in advance how much you'd appreciate it if I helped, I think I might be more willing. I know I'm expected to pitch in maintaining the property, but the whole 'expected' thing is a real downer, and I just don't do well with it. Can't really explain why, but there it is. I don't expect you to live any particular way, except being responsible for your own well-being and being there for me as a friend & lover. Maybe thats over-simplifying it, but sometimes I think about why I married you and its mostly because I like being around you. I'd like to focus on having it fun to be with each other again [Burleson, RandyX D] Sounds good to me. I have been having more fun with you of late, dunno if you noticed. Maybe just starting counseling was enough to make me feel better about us, but I definitely feel like we are picking up momentum and having more fun. Kissing you up against the wall in the hall the other night was playful and fun that I haven't felt in a while... you laughing at a joke which I didn't expect made me smile so much it hurt, and I wouldd come and hugged the hll out of you if Kristy hadn't been in the room. Lotsa little stuff lately is feeling really good with you. well, if we split our earnings completely, you wouldn't have to worry about that. You wouldn't have to worry that if you make three times what I do some day, that it would feel unfair for me to spend as much as you. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's never felt like that big of a deal, the whole different earning thing, as long as we both are working. If we both are putting in roughly equivalent time, I'm cool with sharing everything. Taking time off obviously messes that up, but I'm even OK with taking a few months off without changing the system. Sigh. Dunno. I don't want equality of $$ to be a big deal, and you'll have to trust me that I don't think it really is when we both work. OT is the issue I'm talking about now, and I've always thought that OT is extra work, and extra hard, so it would be cool to make sure it is somehow extra rewarding. I'd even be amenable to saying, whatever OT is made, we s[plit between each other, with the stipulation that it is mad money -- to buy whatever we want. Carparts for me, cameras for you. to be too frustrated about this, but how can you draw a line there? What if one of us is working fewer hours consistently? Should the other be compensated for working more? And honestly, we can't afford to reimburse me for three years of HP OT.I guess keep thinking about what you want and what you think is fair. [Burleson, RandyX D] I will. You too. All those above situations seem incidental to me. I won't hold it against you that you might not ake 40 hours a week at the county. We're close, I think, in terms of what we contribute, when we both work. I do think that work breaks where one is working but the other not, if lasting more than a certain amount of time, can strain this system, so we will need to address those separately, but I'm pretty comfortable with the greater scope of how we split money. I'm not saying pay out three years of HP -- I'm saying, hey, let's pick a date to account to, and figure out who's worked more OT. That's one way of doing it. Another would be to pick a future date and say that forward of this date, OT is play money -- and determine the split of who gets to play with what. Mad money can be awful fun when both people hav it, and potentially divisive if not. Obviously I'm ineterested in seeing the last two month's 65 hours worth of OT counted into the system from Intel, but we'll figure that out, it may not be feasible. Remember, I am not the one asking or expecting you to work OT. I'd prefer if you did not. [Burleson, RandyX D] I know that. I'd rather work 35 hours a week, myself. But OT is likely to be a part of at least the next 2 months as I flex to accomodate the ludicrous schedules here at Intel. I'm working hard to eliminate OT by booking up this new guy's time and turning away work. Trust me, I am. The point of discussing what we spend OUR money on is to feel like we have EQUAL say in what we spend OUR money on. If we don't discuss purchases which will use OUR money, then there is not equal say. Just the more daring person gets to buy more. [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm not sure I get this -- who's more daring? I'm sorry you feel I am being some sort of heavy on this, but I don't feel like I get a say on how a lot of our money is spent. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, not a heavy, per se. I'm OK with discussing expenses, but I want to hear 'yes' more frequently. That's human, right? As I'm sure do you. Perhaps I need to see again where our money goes to understand why I ever need to hear 'no.' I know I'm not always perfect in notifying you before purchases every single time, but I'm sure I do tell you as soon as I can if I can't afford it with my allowance. I'm often surprised by your purchases at the end of the month when I get the credit card bill. Maybe its hard to see when you're removed from the finances and I generally don't want to rock the boat because we tend to get in fights when we talk about finances. I know this will be a difficult issue for us to work through. I want to do it carefully and think things through thoroughly. I will think about different ways of handling this and hope you have some ideas too. [Burleson, RandyX D] Agreed. I don't see the credit card statement so it is hard to say. There have been a few items where I have clearly fallen down on the talk-first agreement, but I think most had mitigating factors. I'm pretty sure there have been some the other way, though I'd guess that my slips have probably been bigger. This may indeed be uncomfortable to talk about, but I still think we need to do it. A little drearyness now can avoid some big arguments later. Love you much, Kamm. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy@jps.net' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal Re: talking "I gotta say- you made my day when I received this mail. Thanks :-) Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > No, not that you drift- I meant ""I've never known"" what I wanted to do > > with my > > life, specifically. Generally, yes- specifically, no. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Really? What's the 'general' plan? Play and be > happy? Love me? Well, those are all wonderful things, so yes, those are in the general plan. But what I'd usually describe the general plan as is to experience new things, new places. I don't meant be adventurous for adventure sake- I just mean opening my mind to new ways of life, new appreciation for nature, new appreciation for people. I'm not sure that really would make sense to anyone else, but it does to me. I guess to simplify it, I'd just say- to experience as many new things as possible. That usually means being confident in my abilities and judgment enough to do things in an unconventional way. I don't want the average life experience- I want to grow in a different way and therefore maybe help other people grow in different ways. > > Ok, but being asked to stop talking about something I obviously need to > > talk > > about is difficult on my psyche. I don't mean being asked to talk about > > it > > later because you're not in the mood- I mean being asked not to talk about > > it > > anymore. That kind of total shut down is impossible for me to deal with. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I know that was hard for you not to talk about > HP. I think that's the most recent instance, right? The thing was, that it > was also really hard one me (my psyche, I guess) to have to hear what was a > very similar issue set again and again, and discuss ways to change it, but > never see them implemented. I can listen to venting I think pretty well, but > somewhere around a year I can't keep my distance. I know I'm not supposed to > FIX things for you, but that one, with its recurrence, just drove me nuts, > too. I promise to try harder, and to remember to never ask you to stop > talking about an issue unless I just can't take anymore... and then I'll try > to remember to note that it is just that one issue which we can't go into, > and just for a while, at that. I know it was hard for you and I don't currently know a way to make it easier for you to hear those sorts of things. There are going to be other situations in our lives that you will want to fix, but that can't be fixed so simply. So, I hope we can figure out a way to talk without the other getting frustrated when listening.I actually think the last instance was when I'd discuss dieting. I felt that it was an off-limits topic as well- even when I'd try to talk about it with other people in your presence. > > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] I do get some enjoyment out of it - seeing > > my > > > friends, our families... but I think I get more enjoyment out of going > > > someplace warm and exotic. > > I'd like to do both. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I get that, really, I do, but considering the > costs of returning to Michigan, in addition to the opportunity cost of > missing work, I'm unable to justify two weeks off for Christmas every year > in Michigan. I will stick to my commitment and visit every other year, > though. And I definitely do not expect two weeks. I think two weeks seemed necessary to fit in ALL the friends & family in one visit. With Mel & Paul gone, that should help some. You do know that I'm only going for a week this year, right? > [Burleson, RandyX D] And I'm pleased with the results, with the > exception fo the brick trim, which I'll get over. The sideyard looks really > great, and I appreciate all the work you have put into it. We should talk > about when and what we're gonna do to the back yard, as well. Well, I can't say I'm exactly content with the way the brick trim turned out, but its there. Give me a little breathing time before we talk about the back yard. I'm kind of burnt out on landscaping at the moment. I'm still excited to PLANT my plants in the flower beds, but I don't want to think about anything new for a little bit- is that okay? > When can we let Goz on the new grass? Besides time availability for > us, that's the dependency I see for the backyard. And I guess with teh big > pile of dirt over by the psa, I'm leaning toward doing something sooner > rather than later with the backyard, as well. We should talk about this, and > also talk about what still needs doing up front. Let's see -- we need to put > the fence back up, consider clearing out some trees next to the driveway, > consider clearing out some trees over on the opposite side of the yard from > the driveway, etc. > > Doing the backyard would include demolishing that crappy little > outbuilding, putting in a stretch of drainage across the back by the walk, > possibly digging a hole for the spa, and tilling the yard. Whew. That sounds > liek a big set of commitments, and I don't think we have time to do them, > but I really dislike the big pile of drit in the yard. Anyway, we need to > sit down (I like doing this stuff over dinner, I wish I would more > frequently remember a notepad and a pen) and brainstorm what needs to be > done, the prioritize. The more i think of it, the backyard isn't going to > get done (by us) this year, but it might help me feel better about the big > ass pile of dirt if I knew at least when I expected it to be gone. > oops, too late... I hadn't seen that you started discussing the back yard before I asked that we not discuss it yet.We can let Gozar in the side yard in a couple of weeks (10 days before we are supposed to walk on it). I'd like the sprinklers fixed & hole filled in and the fence fixed, but I am flexible on when we work on clearing trees. I definitely was not planning on doing the back yard this year. *maybe* some of the initial work next spring. The pile of dirt probably should be adjusted in some way this fall- just so we don't get a really strange drainage situation. I was just thinking we could level it a bit better, possibly moving the spa closer to the house for now. The rest can wait, as far as I'm concerned. > > sorry you were pressured into helping, especially when you had other > > things on > > your plate. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Wanted to help some, but the biggest problem > was that you said, ""Hey, I can do it on my own."" It may be childish, but > when I hear that, it is liek I hear a challenge, and I want to see you do it > on your own. I'm not sure how to avoid this trap. I like it that you need my > help with things -- it is good to be needed. I know you can do just about > anything yourself, if you set your mind to it, but there are some things > that I think I know how to do better. I dunno. If you'd just tell me in > advance how much you'd appreciate it if I helped, I think I might be more > willing. I know I'm expected to pitch in maintaining the property, but the > whole 'expected' thing is a real downer, and I just don't do well with it. > Can't really explain why, but there it is. The only reason I said that I could do it myself was because you were expressing stress over the thought of helping. You were driving me crazy by making me feel bad by saying it was MY project and I was trying to let you off the hook and get you off my back. I have to honestly say that as soon as you got your way regarding where to put the dirt, I thought that you needed to participate in the work if you were going to say how it should be done. I guess I just wanted help, not advice. I'm sorry that we did not make it ""Our"" project from the beginning and decide together what needed to be done and how to do it before doing anything. Its just difficult sometimes to include you in planning things you don't seem interested in (and then you get interested in it when I've already planned it myself).I will work harder at getting your input and making it clear that it is an ""Us"" project. And if its not an ""Us"" project- if it is something I want to do on my own, I will make that clear as well. Sometimes I want to do things on my own(like my flower bed). But please tell me when you want to be involved, I'd like to do more together. But, I'd rather you warn me that you WANT to be involved first, rather than just having you GET involved after not being involved. Its like having Melanie want other people to do the cooking, but then when its your night to cook, having her following you around the kitchen telling you how it should be done. You know? > > I don't expect you to live any particular way, except being responsible > > for your > > own well-being and being there for me as a friend & lover. Maybe thats > > over-simplifying it, but sometimes I think about why I married you and its > > mostly because I like being around you. I'd like to focus on having it > > fun to > > be with each other again > [Burleson, RandyX D] Sounds good to me. I have been having more fun > with you of late, dunno if you noticed. Maybe just starting counseling was > enough to make me feel better about us, but I definitely feel like we are > picking up momentum and having more fun. Kissing you up against the wall in > the hall the other night was playful and fun that I haven't felt in a > while... you laughing at a joke which I didn't expect made me smile so much > it hurt, and I wouldd come and hugged the hll out of you if Kristy hadn't > been in the room. Lotsa little stuff lately is feeling really good with you. you make me all warm inside when you express happiness. I have definitely noticed feeling good with you too. I know you've been doing most of the contributing to this feeling up until now and I am trying to get up to speed to not just react in a loving way, but to contribute to the loving in my own ways. I'm kind of slow at first and do need this momentum to help me get going. I do want to say that I don't want just all fun & play- that there is a part of me that needs to feel secure in our relationship before I can be completely playful. That's the part that is having a difficult time making love on the drop of a hat. I will try to be more playful, and hope at times you can be more ""serious"" so I can get that comfort level- then I can evolve to much more fun & play. I hope you understand this. Please talk to me if I confuse you. > > well, if we split our earnings completely, you wouldn't have to worry > > about > > that. You wouldn't have to worry that if you make three times what I do > > some > > day, that it would feel unfair for me to spend as much as you. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That's never felt like that big of a deal, the > whole different earning thing, as long as we both are working. If we both > are putting in roughly equivalent time, I'm cool with sharing everything. > Taking time off obviously messes that up, but I'm even OK with taking a few > months off without changing the system. But what's the limit on ""a few months""? And how do we define ""equivalent time"" if I end up running my own business, or working from home? I'd honestly like to think I could work part-time, making $50/hour, instead of working full-time making $20-25/hour. I know there are no easy answers on this issue. I want to keep talking and working on them for a while before making any big decisions. > Sigh. Dunno. I don't want equality of $$ to be a big deal, and > you'll have to trust me that I don't think it really is when we both work. > OT is the issue I'm talking about now, and I've always thought that OT is > extra work, and extra hard, so it would be cool to make sure it is somehow > extra rewarding. I'd even be amenable to saying, whatever OT is made, we > s[plit between each other, with the stipulation that it is mad money -- to > buy whatever we want. Carparts for me, cameras for you. Part of me can't believe that you wouldn't be resentful that I get toys out of you working an extra 20 hours. I am still thinking about this, so don't think I'm just blowing you off. Maybe you can take some extra mad money for some of your recent OT. Let's figure out some figure that you'd feel good about. > > to be too frustrated about this, but how can you draw a line there? What > > if one > > of us is working fewer hours consistently? Should the other be > > compensated for > > working more? And honestly, we can't afford to reimburse me for three > > years of > > HP OT.I guess keep thinking about what you want and what you think is > > fair. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I will. You too. All those above situations > seem incidental to me. I won't hold it against you that you might not ake 40 > hours a week at the county. We're close, I think, in terms of what we > contribute, when we both work. I do think that work breaks where one is > working but the other not, if lasting more than a certain amount of time, > can strain this system, so we will need to address those separately, but I'm > pretty comfortable with the greater scope of how we split money. > > I'm not saying pay out three years of HP -- I'm saying, hey, let's > pick a date to account to, and figure out who's worked more OT. That's one > way of doing it. Another would be to pick a future date and say that forward > of this date, OT is play money -- and determine the split of who gets to > play with what. Mad money can be awful fun when both people hav it, and > potentially divisive if not. Obviously I'm ineterested in seeing the last > two month's 65 hours worth of OT counted into the system from Intel, but > we'll figure that out, it may not be feasible. > > > Remember, I am not the one asking or expecting you to work OT. I'd prefer > > if > > you did not. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I know that. I'd rather work 35 hours a week, > myself. But OT is likely to be a part of at least the next 2 months as I > flex to accomodate the ludicrous schedules here at Intel. I'm working hard > to eliminate OT by booking up this new guy's time and turning away work. > Trust me, I am. Thank you. I need to hear that and I need to know you're really trying to spend less time with them than me :-) > > The point of discussing what we spend OUR money on is to feel like we have > > EQUAL > > say in what we spend OUR money on. If we don't discuss purchases which > > will use > > OUR money, then there is not equal say. Just the more daring person gets > > to buy > > more. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm not sure I get this -- who's more daring? I feel you are. You probably think I am. Either way I know we need to discuss purchases more. > > I'm sorry you feel I am being some sort of heavy on this, but I don't feel > > like > > I get a say on how a lot of our money is spent. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, not a heavy, per se. I'm OK with > discussing expenses, but I want to hear 'yes' more frequently. That's human, > right? As I'm sure do you. Perhaps I need to see again where our money goes > to understand why I ever need to hear 'no.' I feel that I don't get the chance to say 'no' on so much, that by default you've assumed 'yes' on a lot of money. I know you don't mean to assume things, but haven't been seeing where our money goes and I think its harder for you to notice how fast the little things add up. I'm not trying to blame you- I just have a hard time bringing it up, especially when I wasn't bringing home a paycheck, because it looks like I'm blaming and judging you. Its been hard for us each time we've tried to discuss money and I don't like being the one that starts what turns into a fight. So I avoid, but then I get resentful.I will try to show you more where our money goes, but I'm scared. > > I know I'm not always perfect > > in notifying you before purchases every single time, but I'm sure I do > > tell you > > as soon as I can if I can't afford it with my allowance. I'm often > > surprised by > > your purchases at the end of the month when I get the credit card bill. > > Maybe > > its hard to see when you're removed from the finances and I generally > > don't > > want to rock the boat because we tend to get in fights when we talk about > > finances. I know this will be a difficult issue for us to work through. > > I want > > to do it carefully and think things through thoroughly. I will think > > about > > different ways of handling this and hope you have some ideas too. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Agreed. I don't see the credit card statement > so it is hard to say. There have been a few items where I have clearly > fallen down on the talk-first agreement, but I think most had mitigating > factors. I'm pretty sure there have been some the other way, though I'd > guess that my slips have probably been bigger. Thank you for understanding. I don't want to make this hard, I don't want to be the heavy. I just want to understand and be involved. > This may indeed be uncomfortable to talk about, but I still think we > need to do it. A little drearyness now can avoid some big arguments later. if it gets to be too much, just say so- and so will I. I so desperately don't want to fight with you. Please understand that I won't be trying to be confrontive or blaming, just that its an uncomfortable subject for us both. I love you and want to be happy together. Kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "I gotta say- you made my day when I received this mail. Thanks :-) [Burleson, RandyX D] Glad to be a part of any smile you have. :) > [Burleson, RandyX D] Really? What's the 'general' plan? Play and be > happy? Love me? Well, those are all wonderful things, so yes, those are in the general plan. But what I'd usually describe the general plan as is to experience new things, new places. I don't meant be adventurous for adventure sake- I just mean opening my mind to new ways of life, new appreciation for nature, new appreciation for people. I'm not sure that really would make sense to anyone else, but it does to me. I guess to simplify it, I'd just say- to experience as many new things as possible. That usually means being confident in my abilities and judgment enough to do things in an unconventional way. I don't want the average life experience- I want to grow in a different way and therefore maybe help other people grow in different ways. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK, sounds cool. Simple concept, yet hard to express -- but I think I get it. We haven't been doing much in the way of new things and experiences -- do you have any specific suggestions or thoughts about what we can do specifically? I know it was hard for you and I don't currently know a way to make it easier for you to hear those sorts of things. There are going to be other situations in our lives that you will want to fix, but that can't be fixed so simply. So, I hope we can figure out a way to talk without the other getting frustrated when listening.I actually think the last instance was when I'd discuss dieting. I felt that it was an off-limits topic as well- even when I'd try to talk about it with other people in your presence. [Burleson, RandyX D] It wasn't off limits, it just wasn't something that interested me. YOU interest me, and the positive results of your dieting have been quite rewarding -- you look FABULOUS! Part of this is also that I'm self conscious about my weight, too. SO hopefully this won't be a trend for all things you talk about, but there may be a few that I won't want to talk much about. I'll try to be better understanding. And I definitely do not expect two weeks. I think two weeks seemed necessary to fit in ALL the friends & family in one visit. With Mel & Paul gone, that should help some. You do know that I'm only going for a week this year, right? [Burleson, RandyX D] I did not. We never discussed it, and I guess I sorta assumed. Good, that means I can play with you some over the break -- I really look forward to that. Well, I can't say I'm exactly content with the way the brick trim turned out, but its there. Give me a little breathing time before we talk about the back yard. I'm kind of burnt out on landscaping at the moment. I'm still excited to PLANT my plants in the flower beds, but I don't want to think about anything new for a little bit- is that okay? [Burleson, RandyX D] Good enough. If you can't tell, I'd sorta talked myself out of actually doing anything in the backyard this year, though I did want to schedule and plan what we were going to do this year. oops, too late... I hadn't seen that you started discussing the back yard before I asked that we not discuss it yet.We can let Gozar in the side yard in a couple of weeks (10 days before we are supposed to walk on it). I'd like the sprinklers fixed & hole filled in and the fence fixed, but I am flexible on when we work on clearing trees. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think he'll really like the grass, and completing the fence will be the last thing I need to do to feel like we've 'finished' the side yard. The gate can come later, with a little planning for where we do fence posts. It is definitely a separate project for later, and doesn't impact the conclusiveness of this one. I definitely was not planning on doing the back yard this year. *maybe* some of the initial work next spring. The pile of dirt probably should be adjusted in some way this fall- just so we don't get a really strange drainage situation. I was just thinking we could level it a bit better, possibly moving the spa closer to the house for now. The rest can wait, as far as I'm concerned. [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. If I really get motivated -- and I doubt it, I'll move the spa over to its final resting area, and spread the dirt out. The only reason I said that I could do it myself was because you were expressing stress over the thought of helping. You were driving me crazy by making me feel bad by saying it was MY project and I was trying to let you off the hook and get you off my back. [Burleson, RandyX D] That didn't work at all, you know? NOt recriminating, just observing in retrospect... I have to honestly say that as soon as you got your way regarding where to put the dirt, I thought that you needed to participate in the work if you were going to say how it should be done. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. I get that. Do you think that in retrospect, having been there and done that, it was better for short wheelbarrow trips, as opposed to long trips around the house? (Please say yes) I guess I just wanted help, not advice. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's fair. I'll try to help more and advise less. I'm sorry that we did not make it ""Our"" project from the beginning and decide together what needed to be done and how to do it before doing anything. Its just difficult sometimes to include you in planning things you don't seem interested in (and then you get interested in it when I've already planned it myself).I will work harder at getting your input and making it clear that it is an ""Us"" project. And if its not an ""Us"" project- if it is something I want to do on my own, I will make that clear as well. Sometimes I want to do things on my own(like my flower bed). But please tell me when you want to be involved, I'd like to do more together. But, I'd rather you warn me that you WANT to be involved first, rather than just having you GET involved after not being involved. Its like having Melanie want other people to do the cooking, but then when its your night to cook, having her following you around the kitchen telling you how it should be done. You know? [Burleson, RandyX D] Exactly. That's a good comparison, and I don't want to be that way. Please do try to involve me from the get-go -- and I'm hoping that involvement from the beginning will help you listen more to what I want, and any experience that I might have on doing something. It is a good time to point out that the yard looks great, and that you did a great job. Remind yourself of that, OK -- this has been a definite net success. you make me all warm inside when you express happiness. [Burleson, RandyX D] Great. That's what I miss the most about our last few months -- the warm feeling of having fun with you and just being free anmd happy. It is nice to feel that starting to come back. I have definitely noticed feeling good with you too. I know you've been doing most of the contributing to this feeling up until now and I am trying to get up to speed to not just react in a loving way, but to contribute to the loving in my own ways. [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks for noticing. Whatever we're doing, dunno, is helping me along -- and that's even more noteworthy since it has been in spite of a rather stressful time for both of us because of my job. I'm OK starting things now, knowing that you'll start things sooner or later. Just please be gentle with what we have now, I'm afraid to break it. I'm kind of slow at first and do need this momentum to help me get going. I do want to say that I don't want just all fun & play- that there is a part of me that needs to feel secure in our relationship before I can be completely playful. That's the part that is having a difficult time making love on the drop of a hat. I will try to be more playful, and hope at times you can be more ""serious"" so I can get that comfort level- then I can evolve to much more fun & play. I hope you understand this. Please talk to me if I confuse you. [Burleson, RandyX D] I get this -- I do. I'll try to be understanding -- but keep in mind that fun and play for me involves trust, and that I'm going out on a limb, and that it always hurts to be rejected, even if I do really understand why. Basically, we're both kinda fragile right now, so we need to keep risks to a minimum. But what's the limit on ""a few months""? And how do we define ""equivalent time"" if I end up running my own business, or working from home? I'd honestly like to think I could work part-time, making $50/hour, instead of working full-time making $20-25/hour. I know there are no easy answers on this issue. I want to keep talking and working on them for a while before making any big decisions. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's stuff we need to talk about. But I think I'm in a good place to be pretty flexible, and I do think we need to talk about some ground rules, otherwise it will be hard to feel secure or confident in what each is doing/ Part of me can't believe that you wouldn't be resentful that I get toys out of you working an extra 20 hours. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, a 50/50 split might bug me, but a 33/66 split wouldn't. First off, I like to see you spend -- you get so excited about it! Second, I know that I would feel left out if you could blow some big bucks but I couldn't, even if you had worked more than I did. I think this could work well both for now and maybe also for later, for the times when you do work overtime, or come into a performance bonus. Uh, not meaning to make this more globally applicable, but I think bonuses apply similarly. Basically, 'unanticipated money' should be mad money. I am still thinking about this, so don't think I'm just blowing you off. Maybe you can take some extra mad money for some of your recent OT. Let's figure out some figure that you'd feel good about. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Well, the base figure is that in the last 9 weeks I have worked 62.5 hours more than 40/week. I took a couple days off, so it is kinda hard to calulate the exact overtime -- that's why I delivered it this way. Basically, I have 425.5 hours in the last nine weeks (how long I've been with Kelly). Figure 40 hours a week, and that's 360 hours for nine weeks, and that's where I got 62.5. If you want to put some adjuster into the mix, so that we save some of our windfall, that's cool. I don't even know how much to think about for that. Opinions? Thank you. I need to hear that and I need to know you're really trying to spend less time with them than me :-) [Burleson, RandyX D] You've GOT to be kidding. That is so totally NOT the goal! I feel you are. You probably think I am. Either way I know we need to discuss purchases more. [Burleson, RandyX D] True. I feel that I don't get the chance to say 'no' on so much, that by default you've assumed 'yes' on a lot of money. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. Its human nature that I just remember the no's -- and I guess I wonder whether I haven't got the chance to say no because of you not asking or you just chossing not to spend. Without communication, it is really easy for these lines to blur... I know you don't mean to assume things, but haven't been seeing where our money goes and I think its harder for you to notice how fast the little things add up. I'm not trying to blame you- I just have a hard time bringing it up, especially when I wasn't bringing home a paycheck, because it looks like I'm blaming and judging you. Its been hard for us each time we've tried to discuss money and I don't like being the one that starts what turns into a fight. So I avoid, but then I get resentful.I will try to show you more where our money goes, but I'm scared. [Burleson, RandyX D] I understand that -- but not knowing is causing some problems, and I think that we will probably have issues that arise from knowing, but I think they will be easier to address than those that arise from not knowing -- and we'll be wondering a lot less to ourselves, which is really damaging to use. Thank you for understanding. I don't want to make this hard, I don't want to be the heavy. I just want to understand and be involved. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ditto. if it gets to be too much, just say so- and so will I. I so desperately don't want to fight with you. Please understand that I won't be trying to be confrontive or blaming, just that its an uncomfortable subject for us both. I love you and want to be happy together. [Burleson, RandyX D] With that attitude, which I will try to match, how can we really go wrong? Love, Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX "'kammy@jps.net';Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "I gotta say- you made my day when I received this mail. Thanks :-) [Burleson, RandyX D] Glad to be a part of any smile you have. :) > [Burleson, RandyX D] Really? What's the 'general' plan? Play and be > happy? Love me? Well, those are all wonderful things, so yes, those are in the general plan. But what I'd usually describe the general plan as is to experience new things, new places. I don't meant be adventurous for adventure sake- I just mean opening my mind to new ways of life, new appreciation for nature, new appreciation for people. I'm not sure that really would make sense to anyone else, but it does to me. I guess to simplify it, I'd just say- to experience as many new things as possible. That usually means being confident in my abilities and judgment enough to do things in an unconventional way. I don't want the average life experience- I want to grow in a different way and therefore maybe help other people grow in different ways. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK, sounds cool. Simple concept, yet hard to express -- but I think I get it. We haven't been doing much in the way of new things and experiences -- do you have any specific suggestions or thoughts about what we can do specifically? I know it was hard for you and I don't currently know a way to make it easier for you to hear those sorts of things. There are going to be other situations in our lives that you will want to fix, but that can't be fixed so simply. So, I hope we can figure out a way to talk without the other getting frustrated when listening.I actually think the last instance was when I'd discuss dieting. I felt that it was an off-limits topic as well- even when I'd try to talk about it with other people in your presence. [Burleson, RandyX D] It wasn't off limits, it just wasn't something that interested me. YOU interest me, and the positive results of your dieting have been quite rewarding -- you look FABULOUS! Part of this is also that I'm self conscious about my weight, too. SO hopefully this won't be a trend for all things you talk about, but there may be a few that I won't want to talk much about. I'll try to be better understanding. And I definitely do not expect two weeks. I think two weeks seemed necessary to fit in ALL the friends & family in one visit. With Mel & Paul gone, that should help some. You do know that I'm only going for a week this year, right? [Burleson, RandyX D] I did not. We never discussed it, and I guess I sorta assumed. Good, that means I can play with you some over the break -- I really look forward to that. Well, I can't say I'm exactly content with the way the brick trim turned out, but its there. Give me a little breathing time before we talk about the back yard. I'm kind of burnt out on landscaping at the moment. I'm still excited to PLANT my plants in the flower beds, but I don't want to think about anything new for a little bit- is that okay? [Burleson, RandyX D] Good enough. If you can't tell, I'd sorta talked myself out of actually doing anything in the backyard this year, though I did want to schedule and plan what we were going to do this year. oops, too late... I hadn't seen that you started discussing the back yard before I asked that we not discuss it yet.We can let Gozar in the side yard in a couple of weeks (10 days before we are supposed to walk on it). I'd like the sprinklers fixed & hole filled in and the fence fixed, but I am flexible on when we work on clearing trees. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think he'll really like the grass, and completing the fence will be the last thing I need to do to feel like we've 'finished' the side yard. The gate can come later, with a little planning for where we do fence posts. It is definitely a separate project for later, and doesn't impact the conclusiveness of this one. I definitely was not planning on doing the back yard this year. *maybe* some of the initial work next spring. The pile of dirt probably should be adjusted in some way this fall- just so we don't get a really strange drainage situation. I was just thinking we could level it a bit better, possibly moving the spa closer to the house for now. The rest can wait, as far as I'm concerned. [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. If I really get motivated -- and I doubt it, I'll move the spa over to its final resting area, and spread the dirt out. The only reason I said that I could do it myself was because you were expressing stress over the thought of helping. You were driving me crazy by making me feel bad by saying it was MY project and I was trying to let you off the hook and get you off my back. [Burleson, RandyX D] That didn't work at all, you know? NOt recriminating, just observing in retrospect... I have to honestly say that as soon as you got your way regarding where to put the dirt, I thought that you needed to participate in the work if you were going to say how it should be done. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. I get that. Do you think that in retrospect, having been there and done that, it was better for short wheelbarrow trips, as opposed to long trips around the house? (Please say yes) I guess I just wanted help, not advice. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's fair. I'll try to help more and advise less. I'm sorry that we did not make it ""Our"" project from the beginning and decide together what needed to be done and how to do it before doing anything. Its just difficult sometimes to include you in planning things you don't seem interested in (and then you get interested in it when I've already planned it myself).I will work harder at getting your input and making it clear that it is an ""Us"" project. And if its not an ""Us"" project- if it is something I want to do on my own, I will make that clear as well. Sometimes I want to do things on my own(like my flower bed). But please tell me when you want to be involved, I'd like to do more together. But, I'd rather you warn me that you WANT to be involved first, rather than just having you GET involved after not being involved. Its like having Melanie want other people to do the cooking, but then when its your night to cook, having her following you around the kitchen telling you how it should be done. You know? [Burleson, RandyX D] Exactly. That's a good comparison, and I don't want to be that way. Please do try to involve me from the get-go -- and I'm hoping that involvement from the beginning will help you listen more to what I want, and any experience that I might have on doing something. It is a good time to point out that the yard looks great, and that you did a great job. Remind yourself of that, OK -- this has been a definite net success. you make me all warm inside when you express happiness. [Burleson, RandyX D] Great. That's what I miss the most about our last few months -- the warm feeling of having fun with you and just being free anmd happy. It is nice to feel that starting to come back. I have definitely noticed feeling good with you too. I know you've been doing most of the contributing to this feeling up until now and I am trying to get up to speed to not just react in a loving way, but to contribute to the loving in my own ways. [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks for noticing. Whatever we're doing, dunno, is helping me along -- and that's even more noteworthy since it has been in spite of a rather stressful time for both of us because of my job. I'm OK starting things now, knowing that you'll start things sooner or later. Just please be gentle with what we have now, I'm afraid to break it. I'm kind of slow at first and do need this momentum to help me get going. I do want to say that I don't want just all fun & play- that there is a part of me that needs to feel secure in our relationship before I can be completely playful. That's the part that is having a difficult time making love on the drop of a hat. I will try to be more playful, and hope at times you can be more ""serious"" so I can get that comfort level- then I can evolve to much more fun & play. I hope you understand this. Please talk to me if I confuse you. [Burleson, RandyX D] I get this -- I do. I'll try to be understanding -- but keep in mind that fun and play for me involves trust, and that I'm going out on a limb, and that it always hurts to be rejected, even if I do really understand why. Basically, we're both kinda fragile right now, so we need to keep risks to a minimum. But what's the limit on ""a few months""? And how do we define ""equivalent time"" if I end up running my own business, or working from home? I'd honestly like to think I could work part-time, making $50/hour, instead of working full-time making $20-25/hour. I know there are no easy answers on this issue. I want to keep talking and working on them for a while before making any big decisions. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's stuff we need to talk about. But I think I'm in a good place to be pretty flexible, and I do think we need to talk about some ground rules, otherwise it will be hard to feel secure or confident in what each is doing/ Part of me can't believe that you wouldn't be resentful that I get toys out of you working an extra 20 hours. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, a 50/50 split might bug me, but a 33/66 split wouldn't. First off, I like to see you spend -- you get so excited about it! Second, I know that I would feel left out if you could blow some big bucks but I couldn't, even if you had worked more than I did. I think this could work well both for now and maybe also for later, for the times when you do work overtime, or come into a performance bonus. Uh, not meaning to make this more globally applicable, but I think bonuses apply similarly. Basically, 'unanticipated money' should be mad money. I am still thinking about this, so don't think I'm just blowing you off. Maybe you can take some extra mad money for some of your recent OT. Let's figure out some figure that you'd feel good about. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Well, the base figure is that in the last 9 weeks I have worked 62.5 hours more than 40/week. I took a couple days off, so it is kinda hard to calulate the exact overtime -- that's why I delivered it this way. Basically, I have 425.5 hours in the last nine weeks (how long I've been with Kelly). Figure 40 hours a week, and that's 360 hours for nine weeks, and that's where I got 62.5. If you want to put some adjuster into the mix, so that we save some of our windfall, that's cool. I don't even know how much to think about for that. Opinions? Thank you. I need to hear that and I need to know you're really trying to spend less time with them than me :-) [Burleson, RandyX D] You've GOT to be kidding. That is so totally NOT the goal! I feel you are. You probably think I am. Either way I know we need to discuss purchases more. [Burleson, RandyX D] True. I feel that I don't get the chance to say 'no' on so much, that by default you've assumed 'yes' on a lot of money. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. Its human nature that I just remember the no's -- and I guess I wonder whether I haven't got the chance to say no because of you not asking or you just chossing not to spend. Without communication, it is really easy for these lines to blur... I know you don't mean to assume things, but haven't been seeing where our money goes and I think its harder for you to notice how fast the little things add up. I'm not trying to blame you- I just have a hard time bringing it up, especially when I wasn't bringing home a paycheck, because it looks like I'm blaming and judging you. Its been hard for us each time we've tried to discuss money and I don't like being the one that starts what turns into a fight. So I avoid, but then I get resentful.I will try to show you more where our money goes, but I'm scared. [Burleson, RandyX D] I understand that -- but not knowing is causing some problems, and I think that we will probably have issues that arise from knowing, but I think they will be easier to address than those that arise from not knowing -- and we'll be wondering a lot less to ourselves, which is really damaging to use. Thank you for understanding. I don't want to make this hard, I don't want to be the heavy. I just want to understand and be involved. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ditto. if it gets to be too much, just say so- and so will I. I so desperately don't want to fight with you. Please understand that I won't be trying to be confrontive or blaming, just that its an uncomfortable subject for us both. I love you and want to be happy together. [Burleson, RandyX D] With that attitude, which I will try to match, how can we really go wrong? Love, Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/O=INTEL/OU=AMERICAS01/CN=WORKERS/CN=BURLESON, RANDYX D" EX "kammy@jps.net;Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal Re: talking "> > > No, not that you drift- I meant ""I've never known"" what I wanted to do > > > with my > > > life, specifically. Generally, yes- specifically, no. > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Really? What's the 'general' plan? Play > > and be > > > happy? Love me? > > Well, those are all wonderful things, so yes, those are in the general > > plan. > > But what I'd usually describe the general plan as is to experience new > > things, > > new places. I don't meant be adventurous for adventure sake- I just mean > > opening my mind to new ways of life, new appreciation for nature, new > > appreciation for people. I'm not sure that really would make sense to > > anyone > > else, but it does to me. I guess to simplify it, I'd just say- to > > experience as > > many new things as possible. That usually means being confident in my > > abilities > > and judgment enough to do things in an unconventional way. I don't want > > the > > average life experience- I want to grow in a different way and therefore > > maybe > > help other people grow in different ways. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK, sounds cool. Simple concept, yet hard to > express -- but I think I get it. We haven't been doing much in the way of > new things and experiences -- do you have any specific suggestions or > thoughts about what we can do specifically? Not currently, but I am working on it. I need renewed vision. I've been kind of stalled out, especially since I wasn't sure I had full control of my future. I need to figure out how to balance my life with you and my plan for myself. I'm not all that sure how much we have in common as far as our life goals are concerned. I think we just need to talk about it more, like this, so we can feel better about what we both want and integrate them into each other's plan. Hows that sound? > > I know it was hard for you and I don't currently know a way to make it > > easier > > for you to hear those sorts of things. There are going to be other > > situations > > in our lives that you will want to fix, but that can't be fixed so simply. > > So, > > I hope we can figure out a way to talk without the other getting > > frustrated when > > listening.I actually think the last instance was when I'd discuss dieting. > > I > > felt that it was an off-limits topic as well- even when I'd try to talk > > about it > > with other people in your presence. > [Burleson, RandyX D] It wasn't off limits, it just wasn't something > that interested me. YOU interest me, and the positive results of your > dieting have been quite rewarding -- you look FABULOUS! Part of this is also > that I'm self conscious about my weight, too. SO hopefully this won't be a > trend for all things you talk about, but there may be a few that I won't > want to talk much about. I'll try to be better understanding. That's all I ask. I'm sorry I sometimes get overly excited about trivial or boring things. I will try to curb my habit of going on and on about the same thing. > > And I definitely do not expect two weeks. I think two weeks seemed > > necessary to > > fit in ALL the friends & family in one visit. With Mel & Paul gone, that > > should > > help some. You do know that I'm only going for a week this year, right? > [Burleson, RandyX D] I did not. We never discussed it, and I guess > I sorta assumed. assumed which way? Anyway, there may be occasions I may want a little more time- maybe if something special is going on, or if I haven't seen any of them in a long time- but most times, I think a week is nice. Airlines may force me to fly at certain times, which is actually annoying when I feel forced to either take 4 days or 10 days. 4 isnt enough and 10 just takes away from the paycheck more than I'd like. My guess is that I will have to fly out either the 17th or the 20th and back on the 28th. > Good, that means I can play with you some over the break -- I really > look forward to that. Which break? I think I don't understand something. What is your schedule? > > Well, I can't say I'm exactly content with the way the brick trim turned > > out, > > but its there. Give me a little breathing time before we talk about the > > back > > yard. I'm kind of burnt out on landscaping at the moment. I'm still > > excited to > > PLANT my plants in the flower beds, but I don't want to think about > > anything new > > for a little bit- is that okay? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Good enough. If you can't tell, I'd sorta > talked myself out of actually doing anything in the backyard this year, > though I did want to schedule and plan what we were going to do this year. That's good. In a few weeks, I will revisit my 5 year plan and we can discuss what to prioritize and plan on a timetable for the next year. > > oops, too late... I hadn't seen that you started discussing the back yard > > before > > I asked that we not discuss it yet.We can let Gozar in the side yard in a > > couple > > of weeks (10 days before we are supposed to walk on it). I'd like the > > sprinklers fixed & hole filled in and the fence fixed, but I am flexible > > on when > > we work on clearing trees. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think he'll really like the grass, and > completing the fence will be the last thing I need to do to feel like we've > 'finished' the side yard. The gate can come later, with a little planning > for where we do fence posts. It is definitely a separate project for later, > and doesn't impact the conclusiveness of this one. Thanks- that is how I feel as well. We'll need to have the fence up to allow Goz over there any way. > > I definitely was not planning on doing the back yard this year. *maybe* > > some of > > the initial work next spring. The pile of dirt probably should be > > adjusted in > > some way this fall- just so we don't get a really strange drainage > > situation. > > I was just thinking we could level it a bit better, possibly moving the > > spa > > closer to the house for now. The rest can wait, as far as I'm concerned. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. If I really get motivated -- and I doubt > it, I'll move the spa over to its final resting area, and spread the dirt > out. ok. if you can't get it over to the gazebo then scooching it over towards the garage may allow us to level the dirt anyway. > > The only reason I said that I could do it myself was because you were > > expressing > > stress over the thought of helping. You were driving me crazy by making > > me feel > > bad by saying it was MY project and I was trying to let you off the hook > > and get > > you off my back. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That didn't work at all, you know? NOt > recriminating, just observing in retrospect... I noticed. > > I have to honestly say that as soon as you got your way > > regarding where to put the dirt, I thought that you needed to participate > > in the > > work if you were going to say how it should be done. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. I get that. Do you think that in > retrospect, having been there and done that, it was better for short > wheelbarrow trips, as opposed to long trips around the house? (Please say > yes) yes. but I'll feel better when the fence is back up ;-) > > I guess I just wanted help, not advice. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That's fair. I'll try to help more and advise > less. not always- just when I've already done the planning. Please feel free to input as much as you'd like during the planning stages. > > I'm sorry that we did not make it ""Our"" project from the > > beginning and decide together what needed to be done and how to do it > > before > > doing anything. Its just difficult sometimes to include you in planning > > things > > you don't seem interested in (and then you get interested in it when I've > > already planned it myself).I will work harder at getting your input and > > making > > it clear that it is an ""Us"" project. And if its not an ""Us"" project- if > > it is > > something I want to do on my own, I will make that clear as well. > > Sometimes I > > want to do things on my own(like my flower bed). But please tell me when > > you > > want to be involved, I'd like to do more together. But, I'd rather you > > warn me > > that you WANT to be involved first, rather than just having you GET > > involved > > after not being involved. Its like having Melanie want other people to > > do the > > cooking, but then when its your night to cook, having her following you > > around > > the kitchen telling you how it should be done. You know? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Exactly. That's a good comparison, and I don't > want to be that way. Please do try to involve me from the get-go -- and I'm > hoping that involvement from the beginning will help you listen more to what > I want, and any experience that I might have on doing something. deal, I will do so. Let me know how detailed you want to get in your involvement- or how much you want to plan at once. I know sometimes I go overboard in the details when discussing projects and maybe talk too much about things that aren't necessarily relevant at the time. Just tell me when you want to stop with one chunk of planning. > It is a good time to point out that the yard looks great, and that > you did a great job. Remind yourself of that, OK -- this has been a definite > net success. I know. I am happy with it. I will work on cleaning the gazebo up too. > > you make me all warm inside when you express happiness. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Great. That's what I miss the most about our > last few months -- the warm feeling of having fun with you and just being > free anmd happy. It is nice to feel that starting to come back. yes it is. thanks for trying so hard to get us back to trust and love. > > I have definitely > > noticed feeling good with you too. I know you've been doing most of the > > contributing to this feeling up until now and I am trying to get up to > > speed to > > not just react in a loving way, but to contribute to the loving in my own > > ways. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks for noticing. Whatever we're doing, > dunno, is helping me along -- and that's even more noteworthy since it has > been in spite of a rather stressful time for both of us because of my job. > I'm OK starting things now, knowing that you'll start things sooner or > later. Just please be gentle with what we have now, I'm afraid to break it. so am I. Please let me know if I'm doing something to slow it down.(gently) > > I'm kind of slow at first and do need this momentum to help me get going. > > I do > > want to say that I don't want just all fun & play- that there is a part of > > me > > that needs to feel secure in our relationship before I can be completely > > playful. That's the part that is having a difficult time making love on > > the > > drop of a hat. I will try to be more playful, and hope at times you can > > be more > > ""serious"" so I can get that comfort level- then I can evolve to much more > > fun & > > play. I hope you understand this. Please talk to me if I confuse you. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I get this -- I do. I'll try to be > understanding -- but keep in mind that fun and play for me involves trust, > and that I'm going out on a limb, and that it always hurts to be rejected, > even if I do really understand why. I know. maybe we can take smaller steps without expecting the leaps. Maybe even say we can't do step D until we've gone through steps A, B, C. I'll have to elaborate on that later... I'm somewhat rushed to get this out for you. > Basically, we're both kinda fragile right now, so we need to keep > risks to a minimum. > > But what's the limit on ""a few months""? And how do we define ""equivalent > > time"" > > if I end up running my own business, or working from home? I'd honestly > > like to > > think I could work part-time, making $50/hour, instead of working > > full-time > > making $20-25/hour. I know there are no easy answers on this issue. I > > want to > > keep talking and working on them for a while before making any big > > decisions. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That's stuff we need to talk about. But I > think I'm in a good place to be pretty flexible, and I do think we need to > talk about some ground rules, otherwise it will be hard to feel secure or > confident in what each is doing/ > > > > Part of me can't believe that you wouldn't be resentful that I get toys > > out of > > you working an extra 20 hours. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, a 50/50 split might bug me, but a 33/66 > split wouldn't. First off, I like to see you spend -- you get so excited > about it! Second, I know that I would feel left out if you could blow some > big bucks but I couldn't, even if you had worked more than I did. I think > this could work well both for now and maybe also for later, for the times > when you do work overtime, or come into a performance bonus. Uh, not meaning > to make this more globally applicable, but I think bonuses apply similarly. > Basically, 'unanticipated money' should be mad money. okay, it doesn't sound bad- and I think I wouldn't necessarily be argumentative about it if 1) we weren't in debt and 2) I knew where we were going financially. Give me a little time to figure parts of these out or to reconcile some other issues and we'll talk about doing something seriously. > > I am still thinking about this, so don't think > > I'm just blowing you off. Maybe you can take some extra mad money for > > some of > > your recent OT. Let's figure out some figure that you'd feel good about. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Well, the base figure is that in the last > 9 weeks I have worked 62.5 hours more than 40/week. I took a couple days > off, so it is kinda hard to calulate the exact overtime -- that's why I > delivered it this way. Basically, I have 425.5 hours in the last nine weeks > (how long I've been with Kelly). Figure 40 hours a week, and that's 360 > hours for nine weeks, and that's where I got 62.5. > If you want to put some adjuster into the mix, so that we save some > of our windfall, that's cool. I don't even know how much to think about for > that. Opinions? well, we definitely need to adjust for ACTUAL take-home pay. 62.5 hours does not equal 62.5 times 43 dollars. I would feel better if some windfall went to savings. Again, I will try to find a base paycheck and then we can determine what take-home is above and beyond that. > > Thank you. I need to hear that and I need to know you're really trying to > > spend > > less time with them than me :-) > [Burleson, RandyX D] You've GOT to be kidding. That is so totally > NOT the goal! its not the goal to spend less time with them than me? i.e. MORE time with ME. > > I feel that I don't get the chance to say 'no' on so much, that by default > > you've assumed 'yes' on a lot of money. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. Its human nature that I just remember the > no's -- and I guess I wonder whether I haven't got the chance to say no > because of you not asking or you just chossing not to spend. Without > communication, it is really easy for these lines to blur... > > I know you don't mean to assume things, > > but haven't been seeing where our money goes and I think its harder for > > you to > > notice how fast the little things add up. I'm not trying to blame you- I > > just > > have a hard time bringing it up, especially when I wasn't bringing home a > > paycheck, because it looks like I'm blaming and judging you. Its been > > hard for > > us each time we've tried to discuss money and I don't like being the one > > that > > starts what turns into a fight. So I avoid, but then I get resentful.I > > will try > > to show you more where our money goes, but I'm scared. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I understand that -- but not knowing is > causing some problems, and I think that we will probably have issues that > arise from knowing, but I think they will be easier to address than those > that arise from not knowing -- and we'll be wondering a lot less to > ourselves, which is really damaging to use. I guess going over our spending on a regular basis, maybe even more than once a month, could be an option to consider. I also want to stop using credit cards for nearly everything. We are getting a VISA Check Card from our credit union soon. > > if it gets to be too much, just say so- and so will I. I so desperately > > don't > > want to fight with you. Please understand that I won't be trying to be > > confrontive or blaming, just that its an uncomfortable subject for us > > both. I > > love you and want to be happy together. > [Burleson, RandyX D] With that attitude, which I will try to match, > how can we really go wrong? I just want to hug and snuggle and sigh with you right now. love you- see you at home. Kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "Not currently, but I am working on it. I need renewed vision. I've been kind of stalled out, especially since I wasn't sure I had full control of my future. I need to figure out how to balance my life with you and my plan for myself. I'm not all that sure how much we have in common as far as our life goals are concerned. I think we just need to talk about it more, like this, so we can feel better about what we both want and integrate them into each other's plan. Hows that sound? [Burleson, RandyX D] Good. I like to talk -- and this can be a subject that gets repeated and continued play on many different evenings. I do want to plan a mini-sabbatical for next year. That's all I ask. I'm sorry I sometimes get overly excited about trivial or boring things. I will try to curb my habit of going on and on about the same thing. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, I know they aren't trivial or boring to you, but I can't always guarantee that they'll be as exciting to me. i do want to hear about the things that excite and motivate you, but I may not always want to hear AS MUCH as you'd liek to tell. We can both try to be flexible, I think. assumed which way? [Burleson, RandyX D] Assumed you'd do what you have for the last three Christmas vacations -- spend two weeks in Michigan. Anyway, there may be occasions I may want a little more time- maybe if something special is going on, or if I haven't seen any of them in a long time- but most times, I think a week is nice. Airlines may force me to fly at certain times, which is actually annoying when I feel forced to either take 4 days or 10 days. 4 isnt enough and 10 just takes away from the paycheck more than I'd like. My guess is that I will have to fly out either the 17th or the 20th and back on the 28th. [Burleson, RandyX D] You should check the tickets now, not just for planning, but also for prices. I think the cheap flights between Reno/Sacto and Detroit are still quite available. All bets are off if you want to fly to somewhere other than Detroit, tho. If you can play some with me, and get back any earlier, that would be cool, though. Maybe fly back into Sacto then fly downstate on a cheap rate and I'll pick you up at LAX. I'd like to spend some of the vacation with you if you can, but I thought you'd be coming back, per the last few years, only after New Year's Day. > Good, that means I can play with you some over the break -- I really > look forward to that. Which break? I think I don't understand something. What is your schedule? [Burleson, RandyX D] See above. I think we can swing it, and it sounds seriously fun. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Good enough. If you can't tell, I'd sorta > talked myself out of actually doing anything in the backyard this year, > though I did want to schedule and plan what we were going to do this year. That's good. In a few weeks, I will revisit my 5 year plan and we can discuss what to prioritize and plan on a timetable for the next year. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I'd like to be more involved in the planning this time around. Not because you did poorly this time, because you didn't. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think he'll really like the grass, and > completing the fence will be the last thing I need to do to feel like we've > 'finished' the side yard. The gate can come later, with a little planning > for where we do fence posts. It is definitely a separate project for later, > and doesn't impact the conclusiveness of this one. Thanks- that is how I feel as well. We'll need to have the fence up to allow Goz over there any way. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. What're we doing this weekend? Other than helping Pat move? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. If I really get motivated -- and I doubt > it, I'll move the spa over to its final resting area, and spread the dirt > out. ok. if you can't get it over to the gazebo then scooching it over towards the garage may allow us to level the dirt anyway. [Burleson, RandyX D] If I'm moving it at all, it will be going over by the Gazebo. Moving it is just too much of a pain to do too many times. > > I guess I just wanted help, not advice. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That's fair. I'll try to help more and advise > less. not always- just when I've already done the planning. Please feel free to input as much as you'd like during the planning stages. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's why I want to be more involved with the upcoming plans. Thanks for helping me understand how best to engage your processes. deal, I will do so. Let me know how detailed you want to get in your involvement- or how much you want to plan at once. I know sometimes I go overboard in the details when discussing projects and maybe talk too much about things that aren't necessarily relevant at the time. Just tell me when you want to stop with one chunk of planning. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. Thanks for being flexible on this. We'll definitely talk more on this in person. > It is a good time to point out that the yard looks great, and that > you did a great job. Remind yourself of that, OK -- this has been a definite > net success. I know. I am happy with it. I will work on cleaning the gazebo up too. [Burleson, RandyX D] There's some stuff that just needs trashed from there. Let me know when you do it and I'll help. yes it is. thanks for trying so hard to get us back to trust and love. [Burleson, RandyX D] Time well spent, my dear. :) > [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks for noticing. Whatever we're doing, > dunno, is helping me along -- and that's even more noteworthy since it has > been in spite of a rather stressful time for both of us because of my job. > I'm OK starting things now, knowing that you'll start things sooner or > later. Just please be gentle with what we have now, I'm afraid to break it. so am I. Please let me know if I'm doing something to slow it down.(gently) [Burleson, RandyX D] Nothing I can think of now. Please let me know the same if I do (or don't do) something that affects us this way. I know. maybe we can take smaller steps without expecting the leaps. Maybe even say we can't do step D until we've gone through steps A, B, C. I'll have to elaborate on that later... I'm somewhat rushed to get this out for you. [Burleson, RandyX D] Based on a discussion we had, I know what you are asking for. It frustrates me a little, because I don't think we have an issue in this part of our lives, and believe the issues we have here to be symptoms from other stuff. Thus, clearing up the other stuff makes the most sense, instead of instituting changes. Sigh. But, this is important to, me, as are your feelings, so if you really think it is necessary, I'm willing to try just about anything. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, a 50/50 split might bug me, but a 33/66 > split wouldn't. First off, I like to see you spend -- you get so excited > about it! Second, I know that I would feel left out if you could blow some > big bucks but I couldn't, even if you had worked more than I did. I think > this could work well both for now and maybe also for later, for the times > when you do work overtime, or come into a performance bonus. Uh, not meaning > to make this more globally applicable, but I think bonuses apply similarly. > Basically, 'unanticipated money' should be mad money. okay, it doesn't sound bad- and I think I wouldn't necessarily be argumentative about it if 1) we weren't in debt and 2) I knew where we were going financially. Give me a little time to figure parts of these out or to reconcile some other issues and we'll talk about doing something seriously. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Clearly, I'd like to institute it soon to take advantage of the time I'm putting in. So take what time you need, but please consider it sooner rather than way later, OK? Also, I'll feel better if we can pick a date that works good for us as a start date, retro, if possible. And keep in mind that the gubmint witholds more up front, that we get back later, so even if we are just looking at overage on the actual (aftertax) takehome pay, that is paying US some money already that we get back at tax time (or similarly, that we don't have to pay at tax time). > > your recent OT. Let's figure out some figure that you'd feel good about. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Well, the base figure is that in the last > 9 weeks I have worked 62.5 hours more than 40/week. I took a couple days > off, so it is kinda hard to calulate the exact overtime -- that's why I > delivered it this way. Basically, I have 425.5 hours in the last nine weeks > (how long I've been with Kelly). Figure 40 hours a week, and that's 360 > hours for nine weeks, and that's where I got 62.5. > If you want to put some adjuster into the mix, so that we save some > of our windfall, that's cool. I don't even know how much to think about for > that. Opinions? well, we definitely need to adjust for ACTUAL take-home pay. 62.5 hours does not equal 62.5 times 43 dollars. I would feel better if some windfall went to savings. Again, I will try to find a base paycheck and then we can determine what take-home is above and beyond that. [Burleson, RandyX D] Yes, definitely. What I was trying to point out was that I had several half-day sick leaves, and one full day missed in that time, and that I wasn't counting a chunk of OT that I used to 'pay' for those. In reality, I've worked more than 80 hours in that period of OT. We are donating to 'saving' at least as far as taxes go, but if you wanted to do a 20/20/60 split or something like that, I'm game. 20% for savings, 20% for lucky spouse, and 20% for OT-worker. These numbers are just off the top of my head and are definitely up for negotiation. > > Thank you. I need to hear that and I need to know you're really trying to > > spend > > less time with them than me :-) > [Burleson, RandyX D] You've GOT to be kidding. That is so totally > NOT the goal! its not the goal to spend less time with them than me? i.e. MORE time with ME. [Burleson, RandyX D] You are kidding, righT? I'd LOVE to spend more time with you AND more time away from work. They are sperate goals, but they definitely overlap! > [Burleson, RandyX D] I understand that -- but not knowing is > causing some problems, and I think that we will probably have issues that > arise from knowing, but I think they will be easier to address than those > that arise from not knowing -- and we'll be wondering a lot less to > ourselves, which is really damaging to use. I guess going over our spending on a regular basis, maybe even more than once a month, could be an option to consider. I also want to stop using credit cards for nearly everything. We are getting a VISA Check Card from our credit union soon. [Burleson, RandyX D] It would have been nice to talk about that in advance, but I definitely think it is a good idea. [Burleson, RandyX D] Sorry it took so long to reply to this letter. Love you, Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy@jps.net' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal Re: talking " -----Original Message----- From: Burleson, RandyX D To: kammy@jps.net Date: Tuesday, November 10, 1998 4:25 PM Subject: RE: talking >> Hows that sound? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Good. I like to talk -- and this can be a >subject that gets repeated and continued play on many different evenings. I >do want to plan a mini-sabbatical for next year. Okay, let's talk about time & costs first and then pick an area. >> assumed which way? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Assumed you'd do what you have for the last >three Christmas vacations -- spend two weeks in Michigan. Its only been the last 2 Christmases. That first two week trip was because I wanted to drive across country (we weren't in MI the whole two weeks). Anyway, I guess its as much as a pattern as anything with only 4 years to count from, but its not going to be the rule. >> Anyway, there may be occasions I may want a little more >> time- maybe if something special is going on, or if I haven't seen any of >> them >> in a long time- but most times, I think a week is nice. Airlines may >> force me >> to fly at certain times, which is actually annoying when I feel forced to >> either >> take 4 days or 10 days. 4 isnt enough and 10 just takes away from the >> paycheck >> more than I'd like. My guess is that I will have to fly out either the >> 17th or >> the 20th and back on the 28th. > [Burleson, RandyX D] You should check the tickets now, not just for >planning, but also for prices. I think the cheap flights between Reno/Sacto >and Detroit are still quite available. All bets are off if you want to fly >to somewhere other than Detroit, tho. If you can play some with me, and get >back any earlier, that would be cool, though. Maybe fly back into Sacto then >fly downstate on a cheap rate and I'll pick you up at LAX. I'd like to spend >some of the vacation with you if you can, but I thought you'd be coming >back, per the last few years, only after New Year's Day. I've already been watching air fares for the last two months, but haven't seen anything that thrilled me. I will be choosing soon, but it may be using that Northwest voucher for $288. I don't want to fly from Reno if its just me- not worth the worry over storms and road closures. You're going to have to give me a better idea on your schedule because although I will definitely have a long weekend free over New Years, I'm not sure about that whole week. Let's talk about this at dinner soon. >> That's good. In a few weeks, I will revisit my 5 year plan and we can >> discuss >> what to prioritize and plan on a timetable for the next year. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I'd like to be more involved in the >planning this time around. Not because you did poorly this time, because you >didn't. ok. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think he'll really like the grass, >> and >> > completing the fence will be the last thing I need to do to feel like >> we've >> > 'finished' the side yard. The gate can come later, with a little >> planning >> > for where we do fence posts. It is definitely a separate project for >> later, >> > and doesn't impact the conclusiveness of this one. >> Thanks- that is how I feel as well. We'll need to have the fence up to >> allow >> Goz over there any way. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. What're we doing this weekend? Other >than helping Pat move? I have my photo seminar on Saturday, but Sunday is free, though if it is dry, I will need to plant. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. If I really get motivated -- and I >> doubt >> > it, I'll move the spa over to its final resting area, and spread the >> dirt >> > out. >> ok. if you can't get it over to the gazebo then scooching it over towards >> the >> garage may allow us to level the dirt anyway. > [Burleson, RandyX D] If I'm moving it at all, it will be going over >by the Gazebo. Moving it is just too much of a pain to do too many times. ok, but you may want to find someone to help you. Its too heavy for you to move safely. >> deal, I will do so. Let me know how detailed you want to get in your >> involvement- or how much you want to plan at once. I know sometimes I go >> overboard in the details when discussing projects and maybe talk too much >> about >> things that aren't necessarily relevant at the time. Just tell me when >> you want >> to stop with one chunk of planning. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. Thanks for being flexible on this. We'll >definitely talk more on this in person. okay. don't get nervous if I don't bring it up for several weeks... I'm just not in a hurry to get back to it right now. >> > It is a good time to point out that the yard looks great, and >> that >> > you did a great job. Remind yourself of that, OK -- this has been a >> definite >> > net success. >> I know. I am happy with it. I will work on cleaning the gazebo up too. > [Burleson, RandyX D] There's some stuff that just needs trashed >from there. Let me know when you do it and I'll help. okay. maybe I can squeeze it in this weekend or a little tomorrow. It will probably be too wet for me to plant tomorrow, so I'll have to do other things. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks for noticing. Whatever we're doing, >> > dunno, is helping me along -- and that's even more noteworthy since it >> has >> > been in spite of a rather stressful time for both of us because of my >> job. >> > I'm OK starting things now, knowing that you'll start things sooner or >> > later. Just please be gentle with what we have now, I'm afraid to break >> it. >> so am I. Please let me know if I'm doing something to slow it >> down.(gently) > [Burleson, RandyX D] Nothing I can think of now. Please let me know >the same if I do (or don't do) something that affects us this way. okay. I will. I'm glad Kristy is gone so I can focus more on us entirely. Thanks again for being cool with her staying here. >> I know. maybe we can take smaller steps without expecting the leaps. >> Maybe >> even say we can't do step D until we've gone through steps A, B, C. I'll >> have >> to elaborate on that later... I'm somewhat rushed to get this out for you. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Based on a discussion we had, I know what you >are asking for. It frustrates me a little, because I don't think we have an >issue in this part of our lives, and believe the issues we have here to be >symptoms from other stuff. Thus, clearing up the other stuff makes the most >sense, instead of instituting changes. Sigh. But, this is important to, me, >as are your feelings, so if you really think it is necessary, I'm willing to >try just about anything. Thank you for your flexibility. I know the issues are symptoms of other stuff- but that doesn't mean that I am comfortable. I've been uncomfortable for many months and I just want to work on little stuff and not have to worry about ultimately disappointing you every time. That doesn't mean that occasionally I'm not going to feel comfortable enough to go to step D- just not necessarily every time. I wish I could just turn on and off, but I can't. I wish I could just ignore it and move on, but I can't seem to do that either. I'm not talking months- but I am talking consistent reinforcement and small steps. I hope that seems do-able to you. Maybe we should talk about this specifically in person. Sorry I was tired when you brought it up the last time. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, a 50/50 split might bug me, but a >> 33/66 >> > split wouldn't. First off, I like to see you spend -- you get so excited >> > about it! Second, I know that I would feel left out if you could blow >> some >> > big bucks but I couldn't, even if you had worked more than I did. I >> think >> > this could work well both for now and maybe also for later, for the >> times >> > when you do work overtime, or come into a performance bonus. Uh, not >> meaning >> > to make this more globally applicable, but I think bonuses apply >> similarly. >> > Basically, 'unanticipated money' should be mad money. >> okay, it doesn't sound bad- and I think I wouldn't necessarily be >> argumentative >> about it if 1) we weren't in debt and 2) I knew where we were going >> financially. Give me a little time to figure parts of these out or to >> reconcile >> some other issues and we'll talk about doing something seriously. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Clearly, I'd like to institute it soon to >take advantage of the time I'm putting in. So take what time you need, but >please consider it sooner rather than way later, OK? Also, I'll feel better >if we can pick a date that works good for us as a start date, retro, if >possible. And keep in mind that the gubmint witholds more up front, that we >get back later, so even if we are just looking at overage on the actual >(aftertax) takehome pay, that is paying US some money already that we get >back at tax time (or similarly, that we don't have to pay at tax time). I'll try to work some numbers tomorrow while I'm home, so maybe we can talk about this tomorrow night after counseling. I don't think performance bonuses are fair either because some jobs don't do bonuses- just raises. What if you get a raise because of the hard work you've put in? I just don't think there is a simple answer and I am not feeling good about making any sort of standing rules. If you want some extra money now that's do-able. >> > > your recent OT. Let's figure out some figure that you'd feel good >> about. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Well, the base figure is that in the >> last >> > 9 weeks I have worked 62.5 hours more than 40/week. I took a couple days >> > off, so it is kinda hard to calulate the exact overtime -- that's why I >> > delivered it this way. Basically, I have 425.5 hours in the last nine >> weeks >> > (how long I've been with Kelly). Figure 40 hours a week, and that's 360 >> > hours for nine weeks, and that's where I got 62.5. >> >> > If you want to put some adjuster into the mix, so that we save >> some >> > of our windfall, that's cool. I don't even know how much to think about >> for >> > that. Opinions? >> >> well, we definitely need to adjust for ACTUAL take-home pay. 62.5 hours >> does >> not equal 62.5 times 43 dollars. I would feel better if some windfall >> went to >> savings. Again, I will try to find a base paycheck and then we can >> determine >> what take-home is above and beyond that. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yes, definitely. What I was trying to point >out was that I had several half-day sick leaves, and one full day missed in >that time, and that I wasn't counting a chunk of OT that I used to 'pay' for >those. In reality, I've worked more than 80 hours in that period of OT. We >are donating to 'saving' at least as far as taxes go, but if you wanted to >do a 20/20/60 split or something like that, I'm game. 20% for savings, 20% >for lucky spouse, and 20% for OT-worker. These numbers are just off the top >of my head and are definitely up for negotiation. will discuss this week. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] I understand that -- but not knowing is >> > causing some problems, and I think that we will probably have issues >> that >> > arise from knowing, but I think they will be easier to address than >> those >> > that arise from not knowing -- and we'll be wondering a lot less to >> > ourselves, which is really damaging to use. >> I guess going over our spending on a regular basis, maybe even more than >> once a >> month, could be an option to consider. I also want to stop using credit >> cards >> for nearly everything. We are getting a VISA Check Card from our credit >> union >> soon. > [Burleson, RandyX D] It would have been nice to talk about that in >advance, but I definitely think it is a good idea. We weren't given a choice. They are sending them to everyone as replacements to their old ATM cards. thanks for replying. I will try to be more insightful and sharing in future replies. Hope to see you at home soon. Kammy " kammy kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking "> [Burleson, RandyX D] Good. I like to talk -- and this can be a >subject that gets repeated and continued play on many different evenings. I >do want to plan a mini-sabbatical for next year. Okay, let's talk about time & costs first and then pick an area. [Burleson, RandyX D] That doesn't sound like much fun, since planning is half the fun, but we can do it that way if it makes sense to you. >> assumed which way? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Assumed you'd do what you have for the last >three Christmas vacations -- spend two weeks in Michigan. Its only been the last 2 Christmases. That first two week trip was because I wanted to drive across country (we weren't in MI the whole two weeks). Anyway, I guess its as much as a pattern as anything with only 4 years to count from, but its not going to be the rule. [Burleson, RandyX D] Haven't we been in CA longer than that? Sorry, not meaning to exagerate. The point is that I thought, based on time in CA and also your history before then, that you'd want to spend as much time aspossible back in MI with the family -- and I didn't want to interfere with that. I still don't want to diminish your time there, but I do want to offer you the choice of spending some of that time off with me downstate. 'K? I've already been watching air fares for the last two months, but haven't seen anything that thrilled me. I will be choosing soon, but it may be using that Northwest voucher for $288. I don't want to fly from Reno if its just me- not worth the worry over storms and road closures. You're going to have to give me a better idea on your schedule because although I will definitely have a long weekend free over New Years, I'm not sure about that whole week. Let's talk about this at dinner soon. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. You've been using Travelocity, right? I have my photo seminar on Saturday, but Sunday is free, though if it is dry, I will need to plant. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. The fence can be mostly me, anyway. The critical thing we need to bottom outon is fencepost placement. I think we both need to be there for that. ok, but you may want to find someone to help you. Its too heavy for you to move safely. [Burleson, RandyX D] Indeed. okay. don't get nervous if I don't bring it up for several weeks... I'm just not in a hurry to get back to it right now. [Burleson, RandyX D] Understandable. I definitely have 'in the meantime' stuff to do. Winch, smog, fence, etc. > [Burleson, RandyX D] There's some stuff that just needs trashed >from there. Let me know when you do it and I'll help. okay. maybe I can squeeze it in this weekend or a little tomorrow. It will probably be too wet for me to plant tomorrow, so I'll have to do other things. [Burleson, RandyX D] Okay. Basically, with the tools, I just need reminding sometime when I'm not settled comfortably, or when I'm not motivated to do something else. Winch stuff may happen tonight! Whee! okay. I will. I'm glad Kristy is gone so I can focus more on us entirely. Thanks again for being cool with her staying here. [Burleson, RandyX D] Thankyou for being appreciative. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Based on a discussion we had, I know what you >are asking for. It frustrates me a little, because I don't think we have an >issue in this part of our lives, and believe the issues we have here to be >symptoms from other stuff. Thus, clearing up the other stuff makes the most >sense, instead of instituting changes. Sigh. But, this is important to, me, >as are your feelings, so if you really think it is necessary, I'm willing to >try just about anything. Thank you for your flexibility. I know the issues are symptoms of other stuff- but that doesn't mean that I am comfortable. I've been uncomfortable for many months and I just want to work on little stuff and not have to worry about ultimately disappointing you every time. That doesn't mean that occasionally I'm not going to feel comfortable enough to go to step D- just not necessarily every time. I wish I could just turn on and off, but I can't. I wish I could just ignore it and move on, but I can't seem to do that either. I'm not talking months- but I am talking consistent reinforcement and small steps. I hope that seems do-able to you. Maybe we should talk about this specifically in person. Sorry I was tired when you brought it up the last time. [Burleson, RandyX D] I agree. Talk more in person. I'm not opposed to the concept, but let's talk about implementation. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Clearly, I'd like to institute it soon to >take advantage of the time I'm putting in. So take what time you need, but >please consider it sooner rather than way later, OK? Also, I'll feel better >if we can pick a date that works good for us as a start date, retro, if >possible. And keep in mind that the gubmint witholds more up front, that we >get back later, so even if we are just looking at overage on the actual >(aftertax) takehome pay, that is paying US some money already that we get >back at tax time (or similarly, that we don't have to pay at tax time). I'll try to work some numbers tomorrow while I'm home, so maybe we can talk about this tomorrow night after counseling. I don't think performance bonuses are fair either because some jobs don't do bonuses- just raises. What if you get a raise because of the hard work you've put in? I just don't think there is a simple answer and I am not feeling good about making any sort of standing rules. If you want some extra money now that's do-able. [Burleson, RandyX D] Any program can be reevaluated for fit later -- but I would like a policy, and not a one-time payout. This will help us deal with bonuses and OT for the future, and since we are both contractors, this WILL continue to be an issue. If one of us gets a raise for the hard work we put it, or just any old raise, I suppose, we can make the first month worth of that raise be fodder for this plan, and then have all future earnings from that raise just pile into normal money. I'm supporting a policy because I think it will really take the stress out of some of our 'just me' spending (for your or me) that currently goes through the normal we both gotta agree on it channel. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yes, definitely. What I was trying to point >out was that I had several half-day sick leaves, and one full day missed in >that time, and that I wasn't counting a chunk of OT that I used to 'pay' for >those. In reality, I've worked more than 80 hours in that period of OT. We >are donating to 'saving' at least as far as taxes go, but if you wanted to >do a 20/20/60 split or something like that, I'm game. 20% for savings, 20% >for lucky spouse, and 20% for OT-worker. These numbers are just off the top >of my head and are definitely up for negotiation. will discuss this week. [Burleson, RandyX D] Good. We weren't given a choice. They are sending them to everyone as replacements to their old ATM cards. [Burleson, RandyX D] Nice to know. (not sarcastic) thanks for replying. I will try to be more insightful and sharing in future replies. Hope to see you at home soon. [Burleson, RandyX D] Me too, and more immediate with my responses. Love you, Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal meteor showers & talking "Hi Love, I hope your day is going well. It was a nice lovely start to the day, even though they are still saying its going to rain today. If its clear tonight would you be interested in going away from town to watch the meteor shower? The best viewing is supposed to be after midnight. Anyway, I know I'm not much of a late night person, but I think I need to try to experience things like this a little more often (even if we only go for half an hour to and hour). Anyway, I'm still hoping you can re-send the last letter on 'talking' you sent to me because I want to reply today if I can. If not, maybe I will start a new line of discussion... it looks like it may be slow today. :-) I really need to figure out my direction soon so I can best take advantage of these slow times instead of just getting used to it and liking it. I need to call Steve Kramer today- perhaps when I get home. And now that I'm pretty much done gardening, I want to start scanning pictures and maybe making a web portfolio. Are you going to be home tonight, so if I mark those stakes you can cut them so I can feel completely finished? I can't believe how fast time is moving. I have so many things I want to do in the next 6 weeks. Its probably unrealistic, but I'm going to try to get a little bit more organized, get a little more away from TV, and try to make some progress on a couple of things before December. I forgot to order my Xmas ticket last night and I don't have the voucher with me today, so that's another thing I want to complete tonight. At least without Fred & Jane coming, I don't need to be psychotic about cleaning. I do want to have the place cleaned up really well by December. Do we have any plans other than Doug's party for this weekend? Maybe I can make a good size dent then. I think I'm going to pack away summer clothes so we have more room to put away laundry. What do you want to do for our anniversary? I am feeling like I want to do something special, I just don't know how or what. I'm just bursting with happiness & love lately, so I want to show you how much you mean to me. I like being with you. Well, I know this letter was mostly rambling and unfocused, but I'm hoping talking about some of this stuff helps me get focused on it. Love you- talk to you more tonight. Kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP Randy work randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: talking " -----Original Message----- From: kammy [SMTP:kammy@jps.net] Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 1998 5:08 PM To: Burleson, RandyX D Subject: Re: talking -----Original Message----- From: Burleson, RandyX D To: kammy@jps.net Date: Tuesday, November 10, 1998 4:25 PM Subject: RE: talking >> Hows that sound? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Good. I like to talk -- and this can be a >subject that gets repeated and continued play on many different evenings. I >do want to plan a mini-sabbatical for next year. Okay, let's talk about time & costs first and then pick an area. >> assumed which way? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Assumed you'd do what you have for the last >three Christmas vacations -- spend two weeks in Michigan. Its only been the last 2 Christmases. That first two week trip was because I wanted to drive across country (we weren't in MI the whole two weeks). Anyway, I guess its as much as a pattern as anything with only 4 years to count from, but its not going to be the rule. >> Anyway, there may be occasions I may want a little more >> time- maybe if something special is going on, or if I haven't seen any of >> them >> in a long time- but most times, I think a week is nice. Airlines may >> force me >> to fly at certain times, which is actually annoying when I feel forced to >> either >> take 4 days or 10 days. 4 isnt enough and 10 just takes away from the >> paycheck >> more than I'd like. My guess is that I will have to fly out either the >> 17th or >> the 20th and back on the 28th. > [Burleson, RandyX D] You should check the tickets now, not just for >planning, but also for prices. I think the cheap flights between Reno/Sacto >and Detroit are still quite available. All bets are off if you want to fly >to somewhere other than Detroit, tho. If you can play some with me, and get >back any earlier, that would be cool, though. Maybe fly back into Sacto then >fly downstate on a cheap rate and I'll pick you up at LAX. I'd like to spend >some of the vacation with you if you can, but I thought you'd be coming >back, per the last few years, only after New Year's Day. I've already been watching air fares for the last two months, but haven't seen anything that thrilled me. I will be choosing soon, but it may be using that Northwest voucher for $288. I don't want to fly from Reno if its just me- not worth the worry over storms and road closures. You're going to have to give me a better idea on your schedule because although I will definitely have a long weekend free over New Years, I'm not sure about that whole week. Let's talk about this at dinner soon. >> That's good. In a few weeks, I will revisit my 5 year plan and we can >> discuss >> what to prioritize and plan on a timetable for the next year. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I'd like to be more involved in the >planning this time around. Not because you did poorly this time, because you >didn't. ok. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think he'll really like the grass, >> and >> > completing the fence will be the last thing I need to do to feel like >> we've >> > 'finished' the side yard. The gate can come later, with a little >> planning >> > for where we do fence posts. It is definitely a separate project for >> later, >> > and doesn't impact the conclusiveness of this one. >> Thanks- that is how I feel as well. We'll need to have the fence up to >> allow >> Goz over there any way. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. What're we doing this weekend? Other >than helping Pat move? I have my photo seminar on Saturday, but Sunday is free, though if it is dry, I will need to plant. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. If I really get motivated -- and I >> doubt >> > it, I'll move the spa over to its final resting area, and spread the >> dirt >> > out. >> ok. if you can't get it over to the gazebo then scooching it over towards >> the >> garage may allow us to level the dirt anyway. > [Burleson, RandyX D] If I'm moving it at all, it will be going over >by the Gazebo. Moving it is just too much of a pain to do too many times. ok, but you may want to find someone to help you. Its too heavy for you to move safely. >> deal, I will do so. Let me know how detailed you want to get in your >> involvement- or how much you want to plan at once. I know sometimes I go >> overboard in the details when discussing projects and maybe talk too much >> about >> things that aren't necessarily relevant at the time. Just tell me when >> you want >> to stop with one chunk of planning. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. Thanks for being flexible on this. We'll >definitely talk more on this in person. okay. don't get nervous if I don't bring it up for several weeks... I'm just not in a hurry to get back to it right now. >> > It is a good time to point out that the yard looks great, and >> that >> > you did a great job. Remind yourself of that, OK -- this has been a >> definite >> > net success. >> I know. I am happy with it. I will work on cleaning the gazebo up too. > [Burleson, RandyX D] There's some stuff that just needs trashed >from there. Let me know when you do it and I'll help. okay. maybe I can squeeze it in this weekend or a little tomorrow. It will probably be too wet for me to plant tomorrow, so I'll have to do other things. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks for noticing. Whatever we're doing, >> > dunno, is helping me along -- and that's even more noteworthy since it >> has >> > been in spite of a rather stressful time for both of us because of my >> job. >> > I'm OK starting things now, knowing that you'll start things sooner or >> > later. Just please be gentle with what we have now, I'm afraid to break >> it. >> so am I. Please let me know if I'm doing something to slow it >> down.(gently) > [Burleson, RandyX D] Nothing I can think of now. Please let me know >the same if I do (or don't do) something that affects us this way. okay. I will. I'm glad Kristy is gone so I can focus more on us entirely. Thanks again for being cool with her staying here. >> I know. maybe we can take smaller steps without expecting the leaps. >> Maybe >> even say we can't do step D until we've gone through steps A, B, C. I'll >> have >> to elaborate on that later... I'm somewhat rushed to get this out for you. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Based on a discussion we had, I know what you >are asking for. It frustrates me a little, because I don't think we have an >issue in this part of our lives, and believe the issues we have here to be >symptoms from other stuff. Thus, clearing up the other stuff makes the most >sense, instead of instituting changes. Sigh. But, this is important to, me, >as are your feelings, so if you really think it is necessary, I'm willing to >try just about anything. Thank you for your flexibility. I know the issues are symptoms of other stuff- but that doesn't mean that I am comfortable. I've been uncomfortable for many months and I just want to work on little stuff and not have to worry about ultimately disappointing you every time. That doesn't mean that occasionally I'm not going to feel comfortable enough to go to step D- just not necessarily every time. I wish I could just turn on and off, but I can't. I wish I could just ignore it and move on, but I can't seem to do that either. I'm not talking months- but I am talking consistent reinforcement and small steps. I hope that seems do-able to you. Maybe we should talk about this specifically in person. Sorry I was tired when you brought it up the last time. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, a 50/50 split might bug me, but a >> 33/66 >> > split wouldn't. First off, I like to see you spend -- you get so excited >> > about it! Second, I know that I would feel left out if you could blow >> some >> > big bucks but I couldn't, even if you had worked more than I did. I >> think >> > this could work well both for now and maybe also for later, for the >> times >> > when you do work overtime, or come into a performance bonus. Uh, not >> meaning >> > to make this more globally applicable, but I think bonuses apply >> similarly. >> > Basically, 'unanticipated money' should be mad money. >> okay, it doesn't sound bad- and I think I wouldn't necessarily be >> argumentative >> about it if 1) we weren't in debt and 2) I knew where we were going >> financially. Give me a little time to figure parts of these out or to >> reconcile >> some other issues and we'll talk about doing something seriously. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Clearly, I'd like to institute it soon to >take advantage of the time I'm putting in. So take what time you need, but >please consider it sooner rather than way later, OK? Also, I'll feel better >if we can pick a date that works good for us as a start date, retro, if >possible. And keep in mind that the gubmint witholds more up front, that we >get back later, so even if we are just looking at overage on the actual >(aftertax) takehome pay, that is paying US some money already that we get >back at tax time (or similarly, that we don't have to pay at tax time). I'll try to work some numbers tomorrow while I'm home, so maybe we can talk about this tomorrow night after counseling. I don't think performance bonuses are fair either because some jobs don't do bonuses- just raises. What if you get a raise because of the hard work you've put in? I just don't think there is a simple answer and I am not feeling good about making any sort of standing rules. If you want some extra money now that's do-able. >> > > your recent OT. Let's figure out some figure that you'd feel good >> about. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Well, the base figure is that in the >> last >> > 9 weeks I have worked 62.5 hours more than 40/week. I took a couple days >> > off, so it is kinda hard to calulate the exact overtime -- that's why I >> > delivered it this way. Basically, I have 425.5 hours in the last nine >> weeks >> > (how long I've been with Kelly). Figure 40 hours a week, and that's 360 >> > hours for nine weeks, and that's where I got 62.5. >> >> > If you want to put some adjuster into the mix, so that we save >> some >> > of our windfall, that's cool. I don't even know how much to think about >> for >> > that. Opinions? >> >> well, we definitely need to adjust for ACTUAL take-home pay. 62.5 hours >> does >> not equal 62.5 times 43 dollars. I would feel better if some windfall >> went to >> savings. Again, I will try to find a base paycheck and then we can >> determine >> what take-home is above and beyond that. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yes, definitely. What I was trying to point >out was that I had several half-day sick leaves, and one full day missed in >that time, and that I wasn't counting a chunk of OT that I used to 'pay' for >those. In reality, I've worked more than 80 hours in that period of OT. We >are donating to 'saving' at least as far as taxes go, but if you wanted to >do a 20/20/60 split or something like that, I'm game. 20% for savings, 20% >for lucky spouse, and 20% for OT-worker. These numbers are just off the top >of my head and are definitely up for negotiation. will discuss this week. >> > [Burleson, RandyX D] I understand that -- but not knowing is >> > causing some problems, and I think that we will probably have issues >> that >> > arise from knowing, but I think they will be easier to address than >> those >> > that arise from not knowing -- and we'll be wondering a lot less to >> > ourselves, which is really damaging to use. >> I guess going over our spending on a regular basis, maybe even more than >> once a >> month, could be an option to consider. I also want to stop using credit >> cards >> for nearly everything. We are getting a VISA Check Card from our credit >> union >> soon. > [Burleson, RandyX D] It would have been nice to talk about that in >advance, but I definitely think it is a good idea. We weren't given a choice. They are sending them to everyone as replacements to their old ATM cards. thanks for replying. I will try to be more insightful and sharing in future replies. Hope to see you at home soon. Kammy" "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal RE: meteor showers & talking "I hope your day is going well. [Burleson, RandyX D] No, but thanks. It was a nice lovely start to the day, even though they are still saying its going to rain today. If its clear tonight would you be interested in going away from town to watch the meteor shower? The best viewing is supposed to be after midnight. Anyway, I know I'm not much of a late night person, but I think I need to try to experience things like this a little more often (even if we only go for half an hour to and hour). [Burleson, RandyX D] Yup -- but lets try to go up to Cameron Park or so to get out of the clouds if it isn't clear in the valley. Anyway, I'm still hoping you can re-send the last letter on 'talking' you sent to me because I want to reply today if I can. If not, maybe I will start a new line of discussion... it looks like it may be slow today. [Burleson, RandyX D] I resent the last two, just now. I really need to figure out my direction soon so I can best take advantage of these slow times instead of just getting used to it and liking it. I need to call Steve Kramer today- perhaps when I get home. And now that I'm pretty much done gardening, I want to start scanning pictures and maybe making a web portfolio. Are you going to be home tonight, so if I mark those stakes you can cut them so I can feel completely finished? [Burleson, RandyX D] Yeah, but I may be at work until about 7:00. I'd like to have dinner with you if you can wait. I can't believe how fast time is moving. I have so many things I want to do in the next 6 weeks. Its probably unrealistic, but I'm going to try to get a little bit more organized, get a little more away from TV, and try to make some progress on a couple of things before December. I forgot to order my Xmas ticket last night and I don't have the voucher with me today, so that's another thing I want to complete tonight. At least without Fred & Jane coming, I don't need to be psychotic about cleaning. I do want to have the place cleaned up really well by December. [Burleson, RandyX D] I need to pitch in on this. Do we have any plans other than Doug's party for this weekend? [Burleson, RandyX D] Nope. None yet -- but I sure do have a lot of stuff on my list! Maybe I can make a good size dent then. I think I'm going to pack away summer clothes so we have more room to put away laundry. [Burleson, RandyX D] Probably not a bad idea. I'm thinking about breaking down and getting a dresser, short term, until we can get the new revised closet set up, with some sort of closet-storage device. I'm thinking very cheap for this furniture, since I expect it to last only until we get a closet set up. I really like the airy feel of our bedroom, wwhen we can see the floor (yeah, I understand that dirty clothes often prohibit that). What do you want to do for our anniversary? I am feeling like I want to do something special, I just don't know how or what. I'm just bursting with happiness & love lately, so I want to show you how much you mean to me. I like being with you. [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm not sure what to do, though I do want to do something. I know what you mean about feeling happier and more in love lately -- and I like that, feel it, and want to encourage more of it. Tell me how. Well, I know this letter was mostly rambling and unfocused, but I'm hoping talking about some of this stuff helps me get focused on it. Love you- talk to you more tonight. [Burleson, RandyX D] Sounds good to me. Love you too. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/o=Intel/ou=Americas01/cn=Workers/cn=Burleson, RandyX D" EX 'kammy@jps.net' kammy@jps.net SMTP Normal Normal Re: FW: talking " Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > -----Original Message----- > > From: Burleson, RandyX D > > Sent: Tuesday, November 10, 1998 6:33 PM > > To: 'kammy' > > Subject: RE: talking > > > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Good. I like to talk -- and this can be a > > >subject that gets repeated and continued play on many different evenings. > > I > > >do want to plan a mini-sabbatical for next year. > > Okay, let's talk about time & costs first and then pick an area. > > [Burleson, RandyX D] That doesn't sound like much fun, since planning is > > half the fun, but we can do it that way if it makes sense to you. I just don't want to get all psyched about a place and then realize we can't afford it or something. I really think we need to be free of our unsecured debts again before hand, so I will try to refigure when credit cards should be paid off. > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Haven't we been in CA longer than that? Sorry, not > > meaning to exagerate. The point is that I thought, based on time in CA and > > also your history before then, that you'd want to spend as much time > > aspossible back in MI with the family -- and I didn't want to interfere > > with that. I still don't want to diminish your time there, but I do want > > to offer you the choice of spending some of that time off with me > > downstate. 'K? I really would like to spend the time with you, I'm buying my airfare today, so I will better know my availability, but I think I wouldn't be able to hook up at the earliest on Wednesday, so part of me wants to just wait until Thursday night/Friday. It depends on where you think you'll be and when. > > I have my photo seminar on Saturday, but Sunday is free, though if it is > > dry, I will need to plant. > > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. The fence can be mostly me, anyway. The critical > > thing we need to bottom outon is fencepost placement. I think we both need > > to be there for that. sorry I haven't marked that yet. Hoping I have some sunlight left when I get home. I also wanted to mow once before the rains come. > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] There's some stuff that just needs trashed > > >from there. Let me know when you do it and I'll help. > > okay. maybe I can squeeze it in this weekend or a little tomorrow. It > > will > > probably be too wet for me to plant tomorrow, so I'll have to do other > > things. > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Okay. Basically, with the tools, I just need > > reminding sometime when I'm not settled comfortably, or when I'm not > > motivated to do something else. Winch stuff may happen tonight! Whee! obviously cleaning the gazebo hasn't happened yet. Back on my list for *this* coming weekend. How's the truck stuff coming? > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Based on a discussion we had, I know what you > > >are asking for. It frustrates me a little, because I don't think we have > > an > > >issue in this part of our lives, and believe the issues we have here to > > be > > >symptoms from other stuff. Thus, clearing up the other stuff makes the > > most > > >sense, instead of instituting changes. Sigh. But, this is important to, > > me, > > >as are your feelings, so if you really think it is necessary, I'm willing > > to > > >try just about anything. > > Thank you for your flexibility. I know the issues are symptoms of other > > stuff- but that doesn't mean that I am comfortable. I've been > > uncomfortable > > for many months and I just want to work on little stuff and not have to > > worry about ultimately disappointing you every time. That doesn't mean > > that occasionally I'm not going to feel comfortable enough to go to step > > D- > > just not necessarily every time. I wish I could just turn on and off, > > but > > I can't. I wish I could just ignore it and move on, but I can't seem to > > do > > that either. I'm not talking months- but I am talking consistent > > reinforcement and small steps. I hope that seems do-able to you. Maybe > > we > > should talk about this specifically in person. Sorry I was tired when you > > brought it up the last time. > > [Burleson, RandyX D] I agree. Talk more in person. I'm not opposed to the > > concept, but let's talk about implementation. I like implementation. Maybe we can do it again soon. ;-) > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Any program can be reevaluated for fit later -- but > > I would like a policy, and not a one-time payout. This will help us deal > > with bonuses and OT for the future, and since we are both contractors, > > this WILL continue to be an issue. If one of us gets a raise for the hard > > work we put it, or just any old raise, I suppose, we can make the first > > month worth of that raise be fodder for this plan, and then have all > > future earnings from that raise just pile into normal money. I'm > > supporting a policy because I think it will really take the stress out of > > some of our 'just me' spending (for your or me) that currently goes > > through the normal we both gotta agree on it channel. I still think we both need to learn that we need to communicate about money- not just make more ways where we don't have to talk about it. We have some basic problems in this area.Anyway, regarding the raise policy. Fifty-five percent (or even 100%) of a $2 raise for one month is nearly NOTHING, especially after taxes, so forget it. $2/hour raise is about $4000 a year, but 1/12 of that is only about $300 *before* taxes- I'd guess $200 after-taxes. Meaning only about 100 bucks for the person who got the raise. 100 dollars out of a 4000 dollar increase in contribution feels like a slap in the face. I'm not asking for 55% of the total yearly contribution, but there has got to be something a little more equitable and meaningful we can agree on. > > We weren't given a choice. They are sending them to everyone as > > replacements to their old ATM cards. > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Nice to know. (not sarcastic) That reminds me that I *still* need to get to the bank to get your pin number set back to what it was on the old card. Sorry, will try to do that today.Anyway, here's more from the 'meteor shower' message: > Maybe I can make a good size dent then. I think I'm going to > pack away summer clothes so we have more room to put away laundry. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Probably not a bad idea. I'm thinking about breaking > down and getting a dresser, short term, until we can get the new revised > closet set up, with some sort of closet-storage device. I'm thinking very > cheap for this furniture, since I expect it to last only until we get a > closet set up. I really like the airy feel of our bedroom, wwhen we can > see the floor (yeah, I understand that dirty clothes often prohibit that). YOU break down and get a dresser!? I can't believe it! Anyway, let me see what I can do with the room we've got once I pack away some of the clothes and then actually use the room we've got and then we'll have a better idea of what we need. I'm not sure where a dresser would fit. And I'd love to come up with a system that keeps the dirty clothes off the floor. You'd think hampers would work, but apparently not! > What do you want to do for our anniversary? I am feeling like I want to > do something special, I just don't know how or what. I'm just bursting > with happiness & love lately, so I want to show you how much you mean to > me. I like being with you. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm not sure what to do, though I do want to do > something. I know what you mean about feeling happier and more in love > lately -- and I like that, feel it, and want to encourage more of it. Tell > me how. Dunno. Hate to cop out. I wonder if they have any public spas around here, you know, like those theme kind they had in Mich. Something like that would be cool. I guess I need to figure out some creative ideas fast. Hey, guess what. I'm getting a laptop for work. I suppose that can't replace the laptop you want for yourself, but thought I'd mention it. Well, wish I could be more talkative, but I gotta get out to a client site. If you reply before 3:30 I might be able to get back to you again by the end of the day. Otherwise I'll talk to you tonight. Love you lots, Kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: FW: talking "I just don't want to get all psyched about a place and then realize we can't afford it or something. I really think we need to be free of our unsecured debts again before hand, so I will try to refigure when credit cards should be paid off. [Burleson, RandyX D] That makes sense. I do want to know more about the when of being out of debt and the how, so I can better set my spending. I really would like to spend the time with you, I'm buying my airfare today, so I will better know my availability, but I think I wouldn't be able to hook up at the earliest on Wednesday, so part of me wants to just wait until Thursday night/Friday. It depends on where you think you'll be and when. [Burleson, RandyX D] I can be very flexible. Let me know when you are flying and I'll see what the schedule holds for me. I haven't even started planning when I'll actually take off -- it seems so far away. sorry I haven't marked that yet. Hoping I have some sunlight left when I get home. I also wanted to mow once before the rains come. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. obviously cleaning the gazebo hasn't happened yet. Back on my list for *this* coming weekend. How's the truck stuff coming? [Burleson, RandyX D] Real slowly. I just haven't had much energy lately, I think much because of how drained I've been after work. I need to recharge somehow. Wish I could figure out how. I like implementation. Maybe we can do it again soon. ;-) [Burleson, RandyX D] No arguments here! I still think we both need to learn that we need to communicate about money- not just make more ways where we don't have to talk about it. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's true enough. Conflict avoidance only goes so far, and I would like to talk more about planning, saving, and actual spending. We have some basic problems in this area.Anyway, regarding the raise policy. Fifty-five percent (or even 100%) of a $2 raise for one month is nearly NOTHING, especially after taxes, so forget it. $2/hour raise is about $4000 a year, but 1/12 of that is only about $300 *before* taxes- I'd guess $200 after-taxes. Meaning only about 100 bucks for the person who got the raise. 100 dollars out of a 4000 dollar increase in contribution feels like a slap in the face. I'm not asking for 55% of the total yearly contribution, but there has got to be something a little more equitable and meaningful we can agree on. [Burleson, RandyX D] Yipes. I hadn't run the numbers, so I didn't realize the difference. Make a suggestion and we'll talk more about it. What numbers make sense to you? That reminds me that I *still* need to get to the bank to get your pin number set back to what it was on the old card. Sorry, will try to do that today. [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks, love. YOU break down and get a dresser!? I can't believe it! Anyway, let me see what I can do with the room we've got once I pack away some of the clothes and then actually use the room we've got and then we'll have a better idea of what we need. I'm not sure where a dresser would fit. And I'd love to come up with a system that keeps the dirty clothes off the floor. You'd think hampers would work, but apparently not! [Burleson, RandyX D] Our hampers are too flimsy, I think. Or we need more. Or they need to be bigger? Dunno. Something isn't working, and I don't thit it is just us failing to toss the clothes in the hamper. Suggestions? Dunno. Hate to cop out. I wonder if they have any public spas around here, you know, like those theme kind they had in Mich. Something like that would be cool. I guess I need to figure out some creative ideas fast. [Burleson, RandyX D] Spa would be cool. I hate to cop out, too, but it all goes back to the 'drained' feeling. I hope our session tonight will be the charge that it has been in the past -- I come out of those feeling more energized. I love you, you know? Hey, guess what. I'm getting a laptop for work. I suppose that can't replace the laptop you want for yourself, but thought I'd mention it. [Burleson, RandyX D] Yup. Cool for you, not so great for me. I just want something fairly protable that I can jot down stuff while passenging in the car or while not at a desk. It really can be pretty minimal. Any success asking the guys at work yet? Well, wish I could be more talkative, but I gotta get out to a client site. If you reply before 3:30 I might be able to get back to you again by the end of the day. Otherwise I'll talk to you tonight. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, have a good day. Love you more, Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/O=INTEL/OU=AMERICAS01/CN=WORKERS/CN=BURLESON, RANDYX D" EX "kammy@jps.net;Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal Re: FW: talking " Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > I just don't want to get all psyched about a place and then realize we > > can't > > afford it or something. I really think we need to be free of our > > unsecured > > debts again before hand, so I will try to refigure when credit cards > > should be paid off. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That makes sense. I do want to know more about > the when of being out of debt and the how, so I can better set my spending. ok. I'm still re-catching up on complete organization of finances after the last couple of months. I will try to work on this over the next week. I'm pretty sure my original estimates(from August) of being out of debt aren't correct anymore. > > I really would like to spend the time with you, I'm buying my airfare > > today, so > > I will better know my availability, but I think I wouldn't be able to hook > > up at > > the earliest on Wednesday, so part of me wants to just wait until Thursday > > night/Friday. It depends on where you think you'll be and when. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I can be very flexible. Let me know when you > are flying and I'll see what the schedule holds for me. I haven't even > started planning when I'll actually take off -- it seems so far away. sigh... well... I screwed up. I went to call and make reservations using my voucher and it is expired. I only noticed that travel was good through the end of this coming January. I didn't notice the smaller print of ""tickets must be issued by Noevember 15"". argh. I'm sorry. The cheapest I see on Travelocity from either Sacto or SanFran is $408. That's 140 more than the voucher price, and I guess if you consider that the voucher was so restrictive that I would have had to actually take 3 extra days off of work to get the full Christmas week, then it probably wasn't a great deal any way.I'm still sorry. Let's talk about whether I should reserve the $408 tonight or what you think. > > obviously cleaning the gazebo hasn't happened yet. Back on my list for > > *this* > > coming weekend. How's the truck stuff coming? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Real slowly. I just haven't had much energy > lately, I think much because of how drained I've been after work. I need to > recharge somehow. Wish I could figure out how. hm. well, let me know if there is any way I can help you recharge. I think you may just overwhelm yourself with everything you want to accomplish. Determining *reasonable* goals may be helpful, short-term. > > I like implementation. Maybe we can do it again soon. ;-) > [Burleson, RandyX D] No arguments here! evil grin >:-) > > I still think we both need to learn that we need to communicate about > > money- not > > just make more ways where we don't have to talk about it. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That's true enough. Conflict avoidance only > goes so far, and I would like to talk more about planning, saving, and > actual spending. this next week is probably as good a time as any. > > We have some basic > > problems in this area.Anyway, regarding the raise policy. Fifty-five > > percent > > (or even 100%) of a $2 raise for one month is nearly NOTHING, especially > > after > > taxes, so forget it. $2/hour raise is about $4000 a year, but 1/12 of > > that is > > only about $300 *before* taxes- I'd guess $200 after-taxes. Meaning only > > about > > 100 bucks for the person who got the raise. 100 dollars out of a 4000 > > dollar > > increase in contribution feels like a slap in the face. I'm not asking > > for 55% > > of the total yearly contribution, but there has got to be something a > > little > > more equitable and meaningful we can agree on. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yipes. I hadn't run the numbers, so I didn't > realize the difference. Make a suggestion and we'll talk more about it. What > numbers make sense to you? I don't know yet. We definitely can't take money that's not there, so it couldn't be more than the $200 take-home per month. Since a raise is an ongoing income increase, then I don't think we have to give the 20% chunk of it to savings when we go to give the chunks out. I mean, maybe we decide to put *all* of future wage increases into savings. What we aren't used to getting, we won't miss- right? Well, anyway, I'm just thinking out loud and need to think about it further, so we can talk about this more. Any suggestions from you? > > That reminds me that I *still* need to get to the bank to get your pin > > number > > set back to what it was on the old card. Sorry, will try to do that > > today. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks, love. ooh... need to finish up and get out of here so I can do that on the way home. Dammit. just looking out the window- its only 4:15 and the sun is setting! #@!%!#! > > YOU break down and get a dresser!? I can't believe it! Anyway, let me > > see what > > I can do with the room we've got once I pack away some of the clothes and > > then > > actually use the room we've got and then we'll have a better idea of what > > we > > need. I'm not sure where a dresser would fit. And I'd love to come up > > with a > > system that keeps the dirty clothes off the floor. You'd think hampers > > would > > work, but apparently not! > [Burleson, RandyX D] Our hampers are too flimsy, I think. Or we > need more. Or they need to be bigger? Dunno. Something isn't working, and I > don't thit it is just us failing to toss the clothes in the hamper. > Suggestions? will think about it. We have one nice sturdy hamper. Maybe when its full, it should get sorted and placed in baskets elsewhere (project room?). just thinking out loud again... I will try to get creative. > > Dunno. Hate to cop out. I wonder if they have any public spas around > > here, you > > know, like those theme kind they had in Mich. Something like that would > > be > > cool. I guess I need to figure out some creative ideas fast. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Spa would be cool. I hate to cop out, too, but > it all goes back to the 'drained' feeling. I hope our session tonight will > be the charge that it has been in the past -- I come out of those feeling > more energized. I love you, you know? I know. and I know that I love you too. Feeling good about tonight, so hope it will go well. > > Hey, guess what. I'm getting a laptop for work. I suppose that can't > > replace > > the laptop you want for yourself, but thought I'd mention it. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yup. Cool for you, not so great for me. I just > want something fairly protable that I can jot down stuff while passenging in > the car or while not at a desk. It really can be pretty minimal. Any success > asking the guys at work yet? Not yet, haven't seen a lot of people lately- we're all spread out now. I haven't even seen at all Zack since last Thursday- he goes straight to the client site he's currently working on. > > Well, wish I could be more talkative, but I gotta get out to a client > > site. If > > you reply before 3:30 I might be able to get back to you again by the end > > of the > > day. Otherwise I'll talk to you tonight. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, have a good day. thanks for taking the time to write back so quickly. I'll try not to get so far behind again. I really like talking to you this way, as well as in person. Now, I really need to get out of here- just remembered I need to pick up film too! argh. see you soon, love. Kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: FW: talking "> [Burleson, RandyX D] That makes sense. I do want to know more about > the when of being out of debt and the how, so I can better set my spending. ok. I'm still re-catching up on complete organization of finances after the last couple of months. I will try to work on this over the next week. I'm pretty sure my original estimates(from August) of being out of debt aren't correct anymore. [Burleson, RandyX D] Better or worse? I'm not intending to ride you on the finances, but I am looking forward (?) to knowing more about what we owe, to whom, and when we'll be outta debt! sigh... well... I screwed up. I went to call and make reservations using my voucher and it is expired. I only noticed that travel was good through the end of this coming January. I didn't notice the smaller print of ""tickets must be issued by Noevember 15"". argh. I'm sorry. The cheapest I see on Travelocity from either Sacto or SanFran is $408. That's 140 more than the voucher price, and I guess if you consider that the voucher was so restrictive that I would have had to actually take 3 extra days off of work to get the full Christmas week, then it probably wasn't a great deal any way.I'm still sorry. Let's talk about whether I should reserve the $408 tonight or what you think. [Burleson, RandyX D] Hmmm. Check my trashcan in Eudora and see about the last couple of TravelSmart maillouts. $400 is obviously a drag, and starts to make a trip to Reno seem more reasonable. Especially when I'll be dropping you off, and either picking you up or flying you from Reno down to LA, San Diego, or Phoenix. Probably. But yeah, let's talk more on it tonite. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Real slowly. I just haven't had much energy > lately, I think much because of how drained I've been after work. I need to > recharge somehow. Wish I could figure out how. hm. well, let me know if there is any way I can help you recharge. I think you may just overwhelm yourself with everything you want to accomplish. Determining *reasonable* goals may be helpful, short-term. [Burleson, RandyX D] Yeah, that's definitely contributing to the paralysis, but I'm also down on energy -- seasonally, I think. > > I like implementation. Maybe we can do it again soon. ;-) > [Burleson, RandyX D] No arguments here! evil grin >:-) [Burleson, RandyX D] Where? I don't know yet. We definitely can't take money that's not there, so it couldn't be more than the $200 take-home per month. [Burleson, RandyX D] No, but it could be paid out over a few months, or maybe AFTER a few months. I mean, maybe we decide to put *all* of future wage increases into savings. What we aren't used to getting, we won't miss- right? [Burleson, RandyX D] OK -- but only after the up front bonus for getting it. Makes sense to me! Well, anyway, I'm just thinking out loud and need to think about it further, so we can talk about this more. Any suggestions from you? [Burleson, RandyX D] Let me know when you are ready to talk on it, 'K? Dammit. just looking out the window- its only 4:15 and the sun is setting! #@!%!#! [Burleson, RandyX D] Yet another reason to be drained, alas. I am QUITE looking forward to lengthening daylight hours. will think about it. We have one nice sturdy hamper. Maybe when its full, it should get sorted and placed in baskets elsewhere (project room?). just thinking out loud again... I will try to get creative. [Burleson, RandyX D] Let' talk it over sometime when both of us are standing right there. I bet we can come up with a solution that will work well - we're creative enough people. And I'm OK with thrwoing some money at the situation (stackable hampers for behind the door) to support a solution now that will last a while. I know. and I know that I love you too. Feeling good about tonight, so hope it will go well. [Burleson, RandyX D] We're talking to each other. How can that go poorly? Not yet, haven't seen a lot of people lately- we're all spread out now. I haven't even seen at all Zack since last Thursday- he goes straight to the client site he's currently working on. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, let me know if you hear of anything good. I'm asking around, and if I hear anything that sounds good to my clueless self, I'll give you a holler -- you're my buying consultant... thanks for taking the time to write back so quickly. I'll try not to get so far behind again. I really like talking to you this way, as well as in person. Now, I really need to get out of here- just remembered I need to pick up film too! argh. see you soon, love. [Burleson, RandyX D] You are important, my love -- and you deserve at least this fast a turnaround. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/O=INTEL/OU=AMERICAS01/CN=WORKERS/CN=BURLESON, RANDYX D" EX "kammy@jps.net;Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal Re: FW: talking " Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] That makes sense. I do want to know more about > > > the when of being out of debt and the how, so I can better set my > > spending. > > ok. I'm still re-catching up on complete organization of finances after > > the > > last couple of months. I will try to work on this over the next week. > > I'm > > pretty sure my original estimates(from August) of being out of debt aren't > > correct anymore. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Better or worse? My August projections had our credit cards paid off by the end of January, but I haven't been able to pay off as much as I had hoped, so it'll take longer. I think we need to talk about and decide our priority and manage our expenses more. Considering different options, like the maid/cook thing are good. I mostly think we just need to deal with our money differently than we have been. > I'm not intending to ride you on the finances, but I am looking > forward (?) to knowing more about what we owe, to whom, and when we'll be > outta debt! I don't feel ridden, its partially my fault for not making you be involved more frequently. I really think I can sweep away a lot of issues just by addressing past issues and together coming up with future plans. Once I feel that you're just aware of past issues, I just feel a little better and be able to drop them instead of carrying them around like baggage. Let's take it *really* slow though- I'm nervous about making big waves before our trip to Texas and during our 2 week break from counseling! I promise to discuss a lot more once we're back from our trip, but I don't want to bring up too many things before hand. I think I can start with looking forward- what debts we have as of now, how much we want to allocate to reducing it, how to organize our own spending vs. regular bills, how to save, etc. Harder stuff a little later... > > sigh... well... I screwed up. I went to call and make reservations using > > my > > voucher and it is expired. I only noticed that travel was good through > > the end > > of this coming January. I didn't notice the smaller print of ""tickets > > must be > > issued by Noevember 15"". argh. I'm sorry. The cheapest I see on > > Travelocity > > from either Sacto or SanFran is $408. That's 140 more than the voucher > > price, > > and I guess if you consider that the voucher was so restrictive that I > > would > > have had to actually take 3 extra days off of work to get the full > > Christmas > > week, then it probably wasn't a great deal any way.I'm still sorry. Let's > > talk > > about whether I should reserve the $408 tonight or what you think. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Hmmm. Check my trashcan in Eudora and see > about the last couple of TravelSmart maillouts. $400 is obviously a drag, > and starts to make a trip to Reno seem more reasonable. Especially when I'll > be dropping you off, and either picking you up or flying you from Reno down > to LA, San Diego, or Phoenix. Probably. But yeah, let's talk more on it > tonite. I thought you weren't going to be in town to pick me up- thought you had stuff to do in the bay, and then stuff down south. How am I going to get home from Reno? I need to be in Sacto at least one day that week, unfortunately.sigh.Will check more possibilities... > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Real slowly. I just haven't had much energy > > > lately, I think much because of how drained I've been after work. I need > > to > > > recharge somehow. Wish I could figure out how. > > hm. well, let me know if there is any way I can help you recharge. I > > think you > > may just overwhelm yourself with everything you want to accomplish. > > Determining > > *reasonable* goals may be helpful, short-term. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yeah, that's definitely contributing to the > paralysis, but I'm also down on energy -- seasonally, I think. well get outside while its sunny - even if you just sit and breathe in the air for 5 minutes. go for a drive at lunch or something. You really do need to get out in the sun, it will help. > > I don't know yet. We definitely can't take money that's not there, so it > > couldn't be more than the $200 take-home per month. > [Burleson, RandyX D] No, but it could be paid out over a few > months, or maybe AFTER a few months. hmmm. maybe raise-getter can take the full extra take-home the first month, then the second month take 1/2 and the lucky spouse take 1/2 (instead of a quarter for the first and second month). I guess this might also depend on what we eventually consider 'normal' income. Part of me wants to make sure we are using a lot of our income for either CURRENT debt reduction (as opposed to creating any more debt now or in the future and continuing to consider it 'debt reduction') or retirement savings OR play money savings (our next big trip, new cars, a new down payment if we ever decide to move, etc.) I desperately do not want to get used to this level of income. Its too much pressure for both of us to feel we need to sustain it. I do not want to think $3000 a month is normal for expenses above our utility/house bills- ya know? I'm not sure how exactly this relates to raises and mad-money, but I guess I want to make sure that once mad-money is divied out that additionaly income does not become 'normal' and used on 'normal' expenditures- ok? > > I mean, maybe we decide to put *all* of future wage increases into > > savings. > > What we aren't used to getting, we won't miss- right? > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK -- but only after the up front bonus for > getting it. Makes sense to me! ok. I hadn't read this far. thanks. I still want to decide what 'normal' wages are, ya know? I can't make $40/hour and up forever. I want to feel like I can still live on $20 or less per hour, if we had to. > > Well, anyway, I'm just thinking out loud and need to think about > > it further, so we can talk about this more. Any suggestions from you? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Let me know when you are ready to talk on it, > 'K? ready. talking. :-) > > Dammit. just looking out the window- its only 4:15 and the sun is > > setting! > > #@!%!#! > [Burleson, RandyX D] Yet another reason to be drained, alas. I am > QUITE looking forward to lengthening daylight hours. yow. you've got a long wait. it gets worse before it gets better. > > will think about it. We have one nice sturdy hamper. Maybe when its > > full, it > > should get sorted and placed in baskets elsewhere (project room?). just > > thinking out loud again... I will try to get creative. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Let' talk it over sometime when both of us are > standing right there. I bet we can come up with a solution that will work > well - we're creative enough people. And I'm OK with thrwoing some money at > the situation (stackable hampers for behind the door) to support a solution > now that will last a while. ok. maybe not tonight when I'd rather be doing something fun & romantic, but maybe tomorrow night or this weekend we can ponder this for a few minutes. And then when we've decided we'll be right there in the bedroom so you can tackle me and get all hot & sweaty. mmmm > > Not yet, haven't seen a lot of people lately- we're all spread out now. I > > haven't even seen at all Zack since last Thursday- he goes straight to the > > client site he's currently working on. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, let me know if you hear of anything > good. I'm asking around, and if I hear anything that sounds good to my > clueless self, I'll give you a holler -- you're my buying consultant... okay, can definitely ask a bunch of people today and tomorrow- having a luncheon tomorrow. will let you know.have a wonderful day, my sweet. I'm thinking about you. love, kammy " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: FW: talking "My August projections had our credit cards paid off by the end of January, but I haven't been able to pay off as much as I had hoped, so it'll take longer. I think we need to talk about and decide our priority and manage our expenses more. Considering different options, like the maid/cook thing are good. I mostly think we just need to deal with our money differently than we have been. [Burleson, RandyX D] Wow, January would be cool -- but I understand delays. Especially with Christmas coming up! I do think more talk on this is necessary. I'm not sure how we are dealing with our mony, so it may be just that we need to talk it out and may choose to remain on the course you've set. That's cool, as long as we talk it out. I don't feel ridden [Burleson, RandyX D] That's a damn SHAME. ;) its partially my fault for not making you be involved more frequently. I really think I can sweep away a lot of issues just by addressing past issues and together coming up with future plans. Once I feel that you're just aware of past issues, I just feel a little better and be able to drop them instead of carrying them around like baggage. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think that will help, too -- awareness and sharing can really add value, here especially. Let's take it *really* slow though- I'm nervous about making big waves before our trip to Texas and during our 2 week break from counseling! [Burleson, RandyX D] I don't think you give US enough credit for the better relationship. The counseling sessions just offered us an excuse to talk about these things. That's not to say that we can't wait until after Thanksgiving, but please relaize that our relationship is better not just because of the counseling, but more because of the work we've done together. I promise to discuss a lot more once we're back from our trip, but I don't want to bring up too many things before hand. I think I can start with looking forward- what debts we have as of now, how much we want to allocate to reducing it, how to organize our own spending vs. regular bills, how to save, etc. Harder stuff a little later... [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. I thought you weren't going to be in town to pick me up- thought you had stuff to do in the bay, and then stuff down south. How am I going to get home from Reno? I need to be in Sacto at least one day that week, unfortunately.sigh.Will check more possibilities... [Burleson, RandyX D] All bets are off if you have to jump back in town from Reno. I was thinking you could just connect to elsewhere from Reno. Kaiser is all over the West Coast, you know... well get outside while its sunny - even if you just sit and breathe in the air for 5 minutes. go for a drive at lunch or something. You really do need to get out in the sun, it will help. [Burleson, RandyX D] I may skate out of work early today just for that purpose. I have to work this weekend anyway, so maybe I can run out today at 4:00. hmmm. maybe raise-getter can take the full extra take-home the first month, then the second month take 1/2 and the lucky spouse take 1/2 (instead of a quarter for the first and second month). [Burleson, RandyX D] Possibly. I'd rather stick to percentages ( just for ease of remembering and consistency) but I could be easily swayed. I guess this might also depend on what we eventually consider 'normal' income. Part of me wants to make sure we are using a lot of our income for either CURRENT debt reduction (as opposed to creating any more debt now or in the future and continuing to consider it 'debt reduction') or retirement savings OR play money savings (our next big trip, new cars, a new down payment if we ever decide to move, etc.) I desperately do not want to get used to this level of income. Its too much pressure for both of us to feel we need to sustain it. I do not want to think $3000 a month is normal for expenses above our utility/house bills- ya know? [Burleson, RandyX D] Totally agree. That relates back to our discussion of what a safety buffer of savings would actully be per month. I'm not sure how exactly this relates to raises and mad-money, but I guess I want to make sure that once mad-money is divied out that additionaly income does not become 'normal' and used on 'normal' expenditures- ok? [Burleson, RandyX D] We'll have to talk more on that, but I think we are agreed, if I get what you are saying. ok. I hadn't read this far. thanks. I still want to decide what 'normal' wages are, ya know? I can't make $40/hour and up forever. I want to feel like I can still live on $20 or less per hour, if we had to. [Burleson, RandyX D] We definitely need to talk this out in person -- I agree in principal but I would like to know what your expected annual income is, and how that effects spending. yow. you've got a long wait. it gets worse before it gets better. [Burleson, RandyX D] I know. Sigh. ok. maybe not tonight when I'd rather be doing something fun & romantic, but maybe tomorrow night or this weekend we can ponder this for a few minutes. And then when we've decided we'll be right there in the bedroom so you can tackle me and get all hot & sweaty. mmmm [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. MMmmmmm. okay, can definitely ask a bunch of people today and tomorrow- having a luncheon tomorrow. [Burleson, RandyX D] Thanks. will let you know.have a wonderful day, my sweet. I'm thinking about you. [Burleson, RandyX D] And I, you. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/O=INTEL/OU=AMERICAS01/CN=WORKERS/CN=BURLESON, RANDYX D" EX "kammy@jps.net;Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal Re: FW: talking " Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > My August projections had our credit cards paid off by the end of January, > > but I > > haven't been able to pay off as much as I had hoped, so it'll take longer. > > I > > think we need to talk about and decide our priority and manage our > > expenses > > more. Considering different options, like the maid/cook thing are good. > > I > > mostly think we just need to deal with our money differently than we have > > been. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Wow, January would be cool -- but I understand > delays. Especially with Christmas coming up! remember I said it was off schedule. At the rate we're going its going to take several months longer. If we changed something so we could contribute more to debt reduction instead of spending, then maybe we could pay it off, perhaps by March or April. > I do think more talk on this is necessary. I'm not sure how we are > dealing with our mony, so it may be just that we need to talk it out and may > choose to remain on the course you've set. That's cool, as long as we talk > it out yep. we can start talking about it with real figures after today. I will figure out what our necessary expenses are and then what our other expenses tend to be and we can figure out more from there. > > I don't feel ridden > [Burleson, RandyX D] That's a damn SHAME. ;) yes it is... so whattaya gonna do about it? > > its partially my fault for not making you be involved more > > frequently. I really think I can sweep away a lot of issues just by > > addressing > > past issues and together coming up with future plans. Once I feel that > > you're > > just aware of past issues, I just feel a little better and be able to drop > > them > > instead of carrying them around like baggage. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I think that will help, too -- awareness > and sharing can really add value, here especially. I don't want to get in this trap again where I don't want you to think I am being confrontive so I don't even bother talking to you about something, but yet still let it bother me. coming up with some way where I'm not the only one who gets the bad news or where I'm the one that has to deliver the bad news and sound like the heavy is really important to me now. > > Let's take it *really* slow though- I'm nervous about making big waves > > before > > our trip to Texas and during our 2 week break from counseling! > [Burleson, RandyX D] I don't think you give US enough credit for > the better relationship. The counseling sessions just offered us an excuse > to talk about these things. That's not to say that we can't wait until after > Thanksgiving, but please relaize that our relationship is better not just > because of the counseling, but more because of the work we've done together. I know... I just also know we have almost always fought when we've talked about money and spending in the past. That's a lot of built up tension and resentment that might come back no matter how careful we are. > > I thought you weren't going to be in town to pick me up- thought you had > > stuff > > to do in the bay, and then stuff down south. How am I going to get home > > from > > Reno? I need to be in Sacto at least one day that week, > unfortunately.sigh.Will > > check more possibilities... > [Burleson, RandyX D] All bets are off if you have to jump back in > town from Reno. I was thinking you could just connect to elsewhere from > Reno. Kaiser is all over the West Coast, you know... I know... but I also know that I can't just go in anywhere. I've seen other people struggle with this when I've gone in. Plus, do you remember that I've said that I want to work some that week. I don't feel right about taking 2 full weeks. I also don't feel like I can afford it. > > well get outside while its sunny - even if you just sit and breathe in the > air > > for 5 minutes. go for a drive at lunch or something. You really do need > > to get out in the sun, it will help. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I may skate out of work early today just for > that purpose. I have to work this weekend anyway, so maybe I can run out > today at 4:00. glad if you took time today... sorry to hear you won't be around as much this weekend. Just let me know what you think your schedule will be. > > hmmm. maybe raise-getter can take the full extra take-home the first > > month, > > then the second month take 1/2 and the lucky spouse take 1/2 (instead of a > > quarter for the first and second month). > [Burleson, RandyX D] Possibly. I'd rather stick to percentages ( > just for ease of remembering and consistency) but I could be easily swayed. 1/2 is 50%. :-) or maybe you meant that you wanted to stick to the *same* percentages. > > I guess this might also depend on what > > we eventually consider 'normal' income. Part of me wants to make sure we > > are > > using a lot of our income for either CURRENT debt reduction (as opposed to > > creating any more debt now or in the future and continuing to consider it > > 'debt > > reduction') or retirement savings OR play money savings (our next big > > trip, new > > cars, a new down payment if we ever decide to move, etc.) I desperately > > do not > > want to get used to this level of income. Its too much pressure for both > > of us > > to feel we need to sustain it. I do not want to think $3000 a month is > > normal > > for expenses above our utility/house bills- ya know? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Totally agree. That relates back to our > discussion of what a safety buffer of savings would actully be per month. hmm a little. It more relates to what we are going to do with the money we earn that is above and beyond our real expenses. > > I'm not sure how exactly > > this relates to raises and mad-money, but I guess I want to make sure that > > once > > mad-money is divied out that additionaly income does not become 'normal' > > and > > used on 'normal' expenditures- ok? > [Burleson, RandyX D] We'll have to talk more on that, but I think > we are agreed, if I get what you are saying. ok, talk more for real this weekend. > > ok. I hadn't read this far. thanks. I still want to decide what > > 'normal' > > wages are, ya know? I can't make $40/hour and up forever. I want to feel > > like > > I can still live on $20 or less per hour, if we had to. > [Burleson, RandyX D] We definitely need to talk this out in person > -- I agree in principal but I would like to know what your expected annual > income is, and how that effects spending. It depends on if you want to spend everything when we have lots of money or spread it out so we don't notice as much when we don't. I can't anticipate what my annual income will be forever. Maybe I'd like to take a job at a photo lab, but only making $8 an hour. I don't want to be trapped in a job just because I'm expected to pull in $40,000 a year.So we can talk about this and maybe we'll have to talk to a financial advisor about this and how to help make it happen with less impact. Well... I'm actually hoping you're at home now instead of at work to receive this. Its 4:45, so I'm on my way myself. Love you and hope we can both be happy with our decisions together. No surrenders, okay? kam " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: FW: talking "remember I said it was off schedule. At the rate we're going its going to take several months longer. If we changed something so we could contribute more to debt reduction instead of spending, then maybe we could pay it off, perhaps by March or April. [Burleson, RandyX D] Still, I'm favorably impressed. That's excellent considering our decrease in earnings for the year -- and our house, AC, and electric spending. yep. we can start talking about it with real figures after today. I will figure out what our necessary expenses are and then what our other expenses tend to be and we can figure out more from there. [Burleson, RandyX D] Sounds good to me. yes it is... so whattaya gonna do about it? [Burleson, RandyX D] You. I don't want to get in this trap again where I don't want you to think I am being confrontive so I don't even bother talking to you about something, but yet still let it bother me. coming up with some way where I'm not the only one who gets the bad news or where I'm the one that has to deliver the bad news and sound like the heavy is really important to me now. [Burleson, RandyX D] As long as we both feel in this together, does it still feel like you are the only one carrying the weight? I don't want it to be that way -- we both need to share any weight -- no matter where it comes from. I know... I just also know we have almost always fought when we've talked about money and spending in the past. That's a lot of built up tension and resentment that might come back no matter how careful we are. [Burleson, RandyX D] Agreed, but I think we can handle it. I believe in me, and you, and *US*. I know... but I also know that I can't just go in anywhere. I've seen other people struggle with this when I've gone in. Plus, do you remember that I've said that I want to work some that week. I don't feel right about taking 2 full weeks. I also don't feel like I can afford it. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Let me know what you feel comfortable with, and I'll work around it. glad if you took time today... sorry to hear you won't be around as much this weekend. Just let me know what you think your schedule will be. [Burleson, RandyX D] Rats. Sorry an early departure for today didn't happen. :( 1/2 is 50%. :-) or maybe you meant that you wanted to stick to the *same* percentages. [Burleson, RandyX D] That's what I meant - same percentages. If you want to do graduated payout over a few months, or backloaded payour AFTER a few months, that's cool. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Totally agree. That relates back to our > discussion of what a safety buffer of savings would actully be per month. hmm a little. It more relates to what we are going to do with the money we earn that is above and beyond our real expenses. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. I need to know what both are before I can have much of this discussion. > -- I agree in principal but I would like to know what your expected annual > income is, and how that effects spending. It depends on if you want to spend everything when we have lots of money or spread it out so we don't notice as much when we don't. [Burleson, RandyX D] I get that, love, I do. I can't anticipate what my annual income will be forever. Maybe I'd like to take a job at a photo lab, but only making $8 an hour. I don't want to be trapped in a job just because I'm expected to pull in $40,000 a year. So we can talk about this and maybe we'll have to talk to a financial advisor about this and how to help make it happen with less impact. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I get what you are saying, and I don't want you locked into a job with that kind of pressure. But at the same time, I don't really want to accept a minimum wage job for you. There's some middle ground, and I'm sure we can find it, where we both get what we want. We need to talk more about what we want. I'm cool with you taking some time off, if you must do that to be the best Kammy you know how to be, but I want you to appreciate that I won't often do that -- and part of me wants to be rewarded for that. That may be petty and small, but that's what I feel. We need to have a net goal together for earnings and a sperate goal for each -- and some idea of what will be a plush year and what won't. If I expect 50K of myself, what do we do with the extra? Can I carry over from year to year? I've had a particularly good year this year, so can I be partiuclarly laid back next year? All this stuff needs to come out so that we can both really understand where the other comes from, and really understand the compromise. I like making a big income -- but right now, we're spending too much, and saving too little. I'm cool with working a bit harder now so that we can semi-retire earlier and play harder quicker -- but not at the cost of all play now. If you choose not to work at all, that will be a problem. If you'll meet me in the middle some, I think we can find a situation we are happier with. I will always be working in one fashion or another -- except for vacations (you noted, no doubt that I said SEMI retirement) but I understand that this may not be you. That's OK. Equality in this realtionship does not have to mean equal spending or equal earning - but it does mean that we have to choose things together. I'm rambling. SIgh. Let's talk more on this when you're in my arms. Love you and hope we can both be happy with our decisions together. No surrenders, okay? [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. Cooperation and agreement, but no surrenders. Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/O=INTEL/OU=AMERICAS01/CN=WORKERS/CN=BURLESON, RANDYX D" EX "kammy@jps.net;Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal Re: FW: talking " Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > remember I said it was off schedule. At the rate we're going its going to > > take > > several months longer. If we changed something so we could contribute > > more to > > debt reduction instead of spending, then maybe we could pay it off, > > perhaps by > > March or April. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Still, I'm favorably impressed. That's > excellent considering our decrease in earnings for the year -- and our > house, AC, and electric spending. Okay. I won't be a wet blanket about it. :-) Thanks for having a positive attitude. > > yes it is... so whattaya gonna do about it? > [Burleson, RandyX D] You. When? > > I don't want to get in this trap again where I don't want you to think I > > am > > being confrontive so I don't even bother talking to you about something, > > but yet > > still let it bother me. coming up with some way where I'm not the only > > one who > > gets the bad news or where I'm the one that has to deliver the bad news > > and > > sound like the heavy is really important to me now. > [Burleson, RandyX D] As long as we both feel in this together, does > it still feel like you are the only one carrying the weight? I don't want it > to be that way -- we both need to share any weight -- no matter where it > comes from. Until we talk about past stuff and until we figure out a future method, yes, I feel like I carry the weight of figuring out how we'll get out of debt, how we'll have enough for retirement, how we can afford the things we want without sarificing those things. I don't want it to be this way either. > > I know... I just also know we have almost always fought when we've talked > > about > > money and spending in the past. That's a lot of built up tension and > > resentment > > that might come back no matter how careful we are. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Agreed, but I think we can handle it. I > believe in me, and you, and *US*. again, I'll try to stop being the wet blanket. > > I know... but I also know that I can't just go in anywhere. I've seen > > other > > people struggle with this when I've gone in. Plus, do you remember that > > I've > > said that I want to work some that week. I don't feel right about taking > > 2 > > full weeks. I also don't feel like I can afford it. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Let me know what you feel comfortable > with, and I'll work around it. Ok... I'm checking out prices as soon as I can today(might not be til after my photo seminar the way things are going at work today).. I think I'll check into Oakland airport, maybe that will work out to be cheaper. > > glad if you took time today... sorry to hear you won't be around as much > > this > > weekend. Just let me know what you think your schedule will be. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Rats. Sorry an early departure for today > didn't happen. :( you still need to get out and enjoy the sunshine, even for a few minutes. especially since its going to start being dreary again tomorrow. > > 1/2 is 50%. :-) or maybe you meant that you wanted to stick to the > > *same* > > percentages. > [Burleson, RandyX D] That's what I meant - same percentages. If you > want to do graduated payout over a few months, or backloaded payour AFTER a > few months, that's cool. I don't think waiting a few months has any effect on anything. If its more money than before, than its money we have to decide what to use it for outside of regular bills. Its really discouraging to me to feel like I can only get 100 bucks in one month after a pretty nice raise. I just kind of would like to be rewarded closer to the time that the change occurred, rather than over time. If its that important to you to strickly stick to the 55, 25, 20% rule, than fine. I will get about $110, you'll get $50, and $40 will go towards savings each month. How many months seems fair to you? And what do we do with the extra money after that duration- sock it all into savings? spend it all on paying off debt? > > > [Burleson, RandyX D] Totally agree. That relates back to our > > > discussion of what a safety buffer of savings would actually be per > > month. > > hmm a little. It more relates to what we are going to do with the money > > we > > earn that is above and beyond our real expenses. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. I need to know what both are before I can > have much of this discussion. Ok, like I said, I would start figuring this out starting today- AFTER my photo session, and AFTER I get my airfare. I have this weekend to work on things too. > > I can't anticipate what my annual income will be forever. Maybe I'd like > > to > > take a job at a photo lab, but only making $8 an hour. I don't want to be > > trapped in a job just because I'm expected to pull in $40,000 a year. > > So we can talk about this and maybe we'll have to talk to a financial > > advisor about this and how to help make it happen with less impact. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool. I get what you are saying, and I don't > want you locked into a job with that kind of pressure. But at the same time, > I don't really want to accept a minimum wage job for you. There's some > middle ground, and I'm sure we can find it, where we both get what we want. > We need to talk more about what we want. I'm cool with you taking some time > off, if you must do that to be the best Kammy you know how to be, but I want > you to appreciate that I won't often do that -- and part of me wants to be > rewarded for that. That may be petty and small, but that's what I feel. We > need to have a net goal together for earnings and a sperate goal for each -- > and some idea of what will be a plush year and what won't. If I expect 50K > of myself, what do we do with the extra? Can I carry over from year to year? > I've had a particularly good year this year, so can I be partiuclarly laid > back next year? All this stuff needs to come out so that we can both really > understand where the other comes from, and really understand the compromise. > I like making a big income -- but right now, we're spending too > much, and saving too little. I'm cool with working a bit harder now so that > we can semi-retire earlier and play harder quicker -- but not at the cost of > all play now. If you choose not to work at all, that will be a problem. If > you'll meet me in the middle some, I think we can find a situation we are > happier with. I will always be working in one fashion or another -- except > for vacations (you noted, no doubt that I said SEMI retirement) but I > understand that this may not be you. That's OK. Equality in this > realtionship does not have to mean equal spending or equal earning - but it > does mean that we have to choose things together. > I'm rambling. SIgh. > > Let's talk more on this when you're in my arms. Ok... but I think I need some time before I can really talk about this more. It hurts me to think about it sometimes. > > > > Love you and hope we can both be happy with our decisions together. No > > surrenders, okay? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Deal. Cooperation and agreement, but no > surrenders. > need big hug. sorry I get sad sometimes. will try to think more positively.I do love you. Kam " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: FW: talking "Okay. I won't be a wet blanket about it. :-) Thanks for having a positive attitude. [Burleson, RandyX D] I think we did great this year. We could have done better, sure, but I think we still did very well. When? [Burleson, RandyX D] Soon. :) Until we talk about past stuff and until we figure out a future method, yes, I feel like I carry the weight of figuring out how we'll get out of debt, how we'll have enough for retirement, how we can afford the things we want without sarificing those things. I don't want it to be this way either. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well that just underlines that we need to talk it out. I don't want you shouldering this burden on your own. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Let me know what you feel comfortable > with, and I'll work around it. Ok... I'm checking out prices as soon as I can today(might not be til after my photo seminar the way things are going at work today).. I think I'll check into Oakland airport, maybe that will work out to be cheaper. [Burleson, RandyX D] Check 'em all. I think we can flex. you still need to get out and enjoy the sunshine, even for a few minutes. especially since its going to start being dreary again tomorrow. [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm taking this lunch off to do exactly that -- I'll be dining in my car, reading with the windows down. I don't think waiting a few months has any effect on anything. If its more money than before, than its money we have to decide what to use it for outside of regular bills. Its really discouraging to me to feel like I can only get 100 bucks in one month after a pretty nice raise. I just kind of would like to be rewarded closer to the time that the change occurred, rather than over time. If its that important to you to strickly stick to the 55, 25, 20% rule, than fine. I will get about $110, you'll get $50, and $40 will go towards savings each month. How many months seems fair to you? And what do we do with the extra money after that duration- sock it all into savings? spend it all on paying off debt? [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, I think several months mad money should be awarded for raises -- like two or three months, assuming that the raise will last for a year. I was offering to bacload it over a few months just so that we didn't spend what we didn't yet have, but I do agree that we oughta pay it closer to the date of award so that it has more meaning. I think with the extra money we currently have over our expenses, we can pay out 2-3 months of raise up front and not feel it -- and still split the percentages as negotiated. I don't want any bonus or raise to ever lose meaning because of our split or payment shcedule, so please flag me if it ever feels like that. I know right now that I resent Brian and Doug for their piddly $50 bucks, but our split of that isn't a big deal. I don't want either of us to resent the other like I currently resent them. Ok, like I said, I would start figuring this out starting today- AFTER my photo session, and AFTER I get my airfare. I have this weekend to work on things too. [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool, not meaning to push, just reiterating that we can't yet have the discussion. Ok... but I think I need some time before I can really talk about this more. It hurts me to think about it sometimes. [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Can you tel me again why it hurts -- I don't want that to be. need big hug. sorry I get sad sometimes. will try to think more positively.I do love you. [Burleson, RandyX D] Hugs to be paid in full upon next meeting! Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/O=INTEL/OU=AMERICAS01/CN=WORKERS/CN=BURLESON, RANDYX D" EX "kammy@jps.net;Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal Re: FW: talking " Burleson, RandyX D wrote: > > you still need to get out and enjoy the sunshine, even for a few minutes. > > especially since its going to start being dreary again tomorrow. > [Burleson, RandyX D] I'm taking this lunch off to do exactly that > -- I'll be dining in my car, reading with the windows down. I hope you really got your sunshine today. It always helps me feel better. > > its that important to you to strickly stick to the 55, 25, 20% rule, than > > fine. > > I will get about $110, you'll get $50, and $40 will go towards savings > > each > > month. How many months seems fair to you? And what do we do with the > > extra > > money after that duration- sock it all into savings? spend it all on > > paying off > > debt? > [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, I think several months mad money should > be awarded for raises -- like two or three months, assuming that the raise > will last for a year. I was offering to bacload it over a few months just so > that we didn't spend what we didn't yet have, but I do agree that we oughta > pay it closer to the date of award so that it has more meaning. I think with > the extra money we currently have over our expenses, we can pay out 2-3 > months of raise up front and not feel it -- and still split the percentages > as negotiated. I don't want any bonus or raise to ever lose meaning because > of our split or payment shcedule, so please flag me if it ever feels like > that. I know right now that I resent Brian and Doug for their piddly $50 > bucks, but our split of that isn't a big deal. I don't want either of us to > resent the other like I currently resent them. okay... I still don't know how to deal with this. I'm not asking to have us pay out money that isn't there. I just thought it would be nice for the raise-earner to feel rewarded more first and then the lucky spouse get the benefits later. That's why I originally suggested the 100% to raise-earner the first month and 50% to lucky spouse the second month (instead of 25%+25% for both months). And I don't think either of us really knows when our next raise will be- if we use mine as an example, then I get yet *another* raise in 6 months- not a year and if we *assume*(and I'm really not saying we should) that I'll get at least what they've suggested, I'll be getting another $2.25/hour on top of the first $2.25 hour more at *that* point. So we shouldn't assume its for the year. My total wage increase contribution *could* be $9000. But who knows- being contractors, we really can't plan on yearly figures that much.I really don't know how to handle this fairly which is one reason why I was worried this rule would get complicated. and sorry for all the ****s. Anyway, regarding your $50 thank you- I think you should keep it all. Now, before you think I'm being overly generous or something- today at our luncheon I won a $50 gift certificate to a golf shop. Since its impossible to take 20% out for savings and I doubt you want 25% of the spending at a golf shop, I say we just call it inconsequential and keep our 50 bucks each. Ok? > > Ok, like I said, I would start figuring this out starting today- AFTER my > > photo > > session, and AFTER I get my airfare. I have this weekend to work on > > things too. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Cool, not meaning to push, just reiterating > that we can't yet have the discussion. I don't feel pushed, I just do want to take time to start this, but feeling a little lacking in time currently. I'll catch up this weekend. > > Ok... but I think I need some time before I can really talk about this > > more. It > > hurts me to think about it sometimes. > [Burleson, RandyX D] OK. Can you tel me again why it hurts -- I > don't want that to be. It hurts because it still feels like I can't choose my own path and I worry that I won't do something good enough to please you and it hurts to think that we might just really want different things in life. > > need big hug. sorry I get sad sometimes. will try to think more > > positively.I > > do love you. > [Burleson, RandyX D] Hugs to be paid in full upon next meeting! wish that could be sooner. See you after my photo thing tonight. Probably around 10 by the time I get back. Maybe we can go for dessert or something.TGIF Kam " Kammy Burleson kammy@jps.net SMTP "Burleson, RandyX D" randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP Normal Normal RE: FW: talking "I hope you really got your sunshine today. It always helps me feel better. [Burleson, RandyX D] Definitely didn't hurt -- but I am stressed at what lies before me here at work. okay... I still don't know how to deal with this. I'm not asking to have us pay out money that isn't there. I just thought it would be nice for the raise-earner to feel rewarded more first and then the lucky spouse get the benefits later. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ahh. See, I didn't get that. I *do* like that. Clever! That's why I originally suggested the 100% to raise-earner the first month and 50% to lucky spouse the second month (instead of 25%+25% for both months). And I don't think either of us really knows when our next raise will be- if we use mine as an example, then I get yet *another* raise in 6 months- not a year and if we *assume*(and I'm really not saying we should) that I'll get at least what they've suggested, I'll be getting another $2.25/hour on top of the first $2.25 hour more at *that* point. So we shouldn't assume its for the year. My total wage increase contribution *could* be $9000. But who knows- being contractors, we really can't plan on yearly figures that much.I really don't know how to handle this fairly which is one reason why I was worried this rule would get complicated. and sorry for all the ****s. [Burleson, RandyX D] True. I like the ground rules. Let's just go with it, and work it out on the fly. Anyway, regarding your $50 thank you- I think you should keep it all. Now, before you think I'm being overly generous or something- today at our luncheon I won a $50 gift certificate to a golf shop. Since its impossible to take 20% out for savings and I doubt you want 25% of the spending at a golf shop, I say we just call it inconsequential and keep our 50 bucks each. Ok? [Burleson, RandyX D] Well... I'd rather split it up just to stay consistent. How'd you 'win?' If it was luck, then the money is yours free and clear. If it was reward for hard work, then we split it. Dunno. Maybe there should be some floor on raises/bonuses? I don't mind sharing with you, but at some point it does get overly anal, I guess. We can split it or no. Whichever. I don't feel pushed, I just do want to take time to start this, but feeling a little lacking in time currently. I'll catch up this weekend. [Burleson, RandyX D] Ok. It hurts because it still feels like I can't choose my own path and I worry that I won't do something good enough to please you and it hurts to think that we might just really want different things in life. [Burleson, RandyX D] Well, here's the thing: I want you in my life. No matter what you make or don't make. So with that said, don't hurt too much, OK? I love you. wish that could be sooner. See you after my photo thing tonight. Probably around 10 by the time I get back. Maybe we can go for dessert or something.TGIF [Burleson, RandyX D] Sounds good. I'll save room! Randii " "Burleson, RandyX D" "/O=INTEL/OU=AMERICAS01/CN=WORKERS/CN=BURLESON, RANDYX D" EX "kammy@jps.net;Burleson, RandyX D" kammy@jps.net;randyx.d.burleson@intel.com SMTP;SMTP Normal Normal